starbuck's update thread

[IndiReloaded]

You know, I once read a good article on the internet about 'settling' in relationships. It was in the context of 'no partner is perfect & our bio clocks tick on'. I'll see if I can find the link.

But 20 years is a BIG age difference. It would give me pause. I think things would have to be otherwise a really, really good fit to make that kind of life partner decision.

For him, I bet its loneliness that bothers him the most. Sure he's not activating some kind of sympathy response in you? What's wrong with being good friends & outing companions for things like shows & art events?

[shh!]

He loves her. Doesn't it seem a bit cruel to have social outings together if starbuck is trying to discourage him from loving her that way?

[starbuck]

You know, I once read a good article on the internet about 'settling' in relationships. It was in the context of 'no partner is perfect & our bio clocks tick on'. I'll see if I can find the link

I would be interested in reading that if you happen to find it.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, missed that part. Is this like my 'friend', type friend?

Okay, if that's the case, then yes, those outings would be cruel. Agree.

Here, SB, its not the exact same article (I'll look a bit more) but the ideas are exactly the same:

[url]http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10536016[/url]

And here's the original:

[url]http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23053553/[/url]

[starbuck]

I definitely have more questions and thoughts. I'll post more once I get back from my Sunday activities.

[Junket]

Damn, you're 37?

Coulda fooled me.

[lesa]

If the age difference really bothers you then don't do the relationship thing. If it's just dating and he understands that then I would say otherwise. You know the answer already.

[Mish]

Starbuck, you know what too much doubt means

Being in a relationship (one that hasn't started yet) shouldn't be something you spend days / weeks thinking about. You should slide into them easily and naturally, anything less than that, then you shouldn't waste your time procrastinating. Considering also the amount of new opportunities which exist out there.

[Lipp]

I met a girl about a year ago who was 35 but looked around 18ish. Scary stuff

[Dasein]

I have a real problem with that Settling for Mr Good Enough article.

I guess I can only speak for myself but if you are the type of person who wants to be in love and to have that “feeling” that “chemistry” you feel with the right man then this is just going to make you unhappy in the end.

I had this situation myself. I could have settled for a guy who had looks, lots of money, a house, great job, wanted to take care of me but whom I had a “comfortable” time with. I had doubts the entire time of our relationship. I ended up listening to my instinct and we broke up. I am glad now that I did because I have a wonderful partner who I click with on so many levels and most importantly it feels right.

Starbuck you have so much going for you. I wouldn’t dare suggest that you settle for someone because you don’t have to.

[IndiReloaded]

I think the articles are simply meant to make one consider whether one is being realistic about one's expectations. There are an awful lot of ppl out there looking for perfection, not realizing that you have to *build* your 'perfect' relationship. You can't just go into WalMart and buy it ready-made off the shelf.

[Dasein]

I think the articles are simply meant to make one consider whether one is being realistic about one's expectations. There are an awful lot of ppl out there looking for perfection, not realizing that you have to *build* your 'perfect' relationship. You can't just go into WalMart and buy it ready-made off the shelf.

I totally get this. I have a friend who is always wondering why she is single when she has a check list of all these things he must be before she evens dates him. I'll often say to her "what was wrong with that guy?" and get "he needs to be at least 6 feet tall".

[IndiReloaded]

I also know ppl like this. In fact, I was a terrible intellectual snob about my dates in my youth. I got lucky, with a guy who saw thru this part of my ego, but I think a lot of ppl make choices like your friends w/o understanding their psychological basis. I bet her father was really tall, or she somehow equates 'tall = success' (which is actually true to some extent, but you see my point). If she were to actually ASK herself why she limits herself this way, and have a little conversation w/herself about it, I bet she would decide to become a lot more open in her choices.

[Dasein]

I also know ppl like this. In fact, I was a terrible intellectual snob about my dates in my youth. I got lucky, with a guy who saw thru this part of my ego, but I think a lot of ppl make choices like your friends w/o understanding their psychological basis. I bet her father was really tall, or she somehow equates 'tall = success' (which is actually true to some extent, but you see my point). If she were to actually ASK herself why she limits herself this way, and have a little conversation w/herself about it, I bet she would decide to become a lot more open in her choices.

I spoke to her about this and she just said it was because she is 5'8" so she doesn't want a short guy. I mean I am 5'7'" and my partner is the same height as me so I think it is a tad shallow but she see's it as a requirement.

[IndiReloaded]

As I say, in the face of irrational choices, one needs to look at the deeper emotional reasons for them. There are almost certainly some. It could be someone once laughed at her when she dated a shorter fellow, who knows?