Why has my sex life slowed to a crawl...

[Bassic]

Hello! New to this forum and I thought maybe some of you could help me. OK, first off a run down of our relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for 5 months now, we "dated" for a short period of time and hit it off great. She moved in with me for a month and then we moved in together at her place ( for financial reasons & a conflict with my previous roommate ). We both love each other and see a great future together.

I've been hurt in the past and so has she by people cheating on us SO I had taken about a 4 year break on sex and relationships , I'm 29 & she's 26. Sex with her at first was great, pretty regular (at least once every 2 days). For the past month and a half it has slowed down sooo much, I would probably say we've had sex 5 times in that time period. At first like a guy I thought she was cheating on me, that's not the case - Second I thought maybe she wasn't attracted to me but she swears up and down that she is - I've even lost about 35 pounds since we have been together. She says she is always tired and just not "up" to having sex right now. Ok, she has a new job with a lot of responsibilities, we have off and on problems with her family at her place and she is having some pains keeping her up at night. So I see that she is stressed and honestly wore out.. I’ve talked to her about this and asked what can I do to help, and not just to have sex - for her to feel better in general. I’m already working on a better living arrangement to maybe “lighten the stress load” as we speak. At first she would say “I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours but I thought you knew I wasn’t that sexual”, then states “There are times when we will have a lot of sex and other times when we won’t”. She’s never seemed “non-sexual” and I found it kinda rude to state when we could and could not have sex without even bringing me into the equation. I brought it up a couple more times since then because this is just eating at me, is it wrong for me to want to have sex with the woman I love? Every time we spoke about it I ended up saying I was so sorry for bringing it up and the I wouldn’t talk about again. Well the other night after talking to some one else about the matter I confronted her again ( FYI - I’m not badgering her, these were 4 conversations spread out over a month and a half ) and simply said “Put yourself in my shoes”, I told her how I felt. How this is making feel, like I’ve done something wrong. She broke down in tears and I felt so bad but she did say “yes, even though I’m under a lot of stress I’m being selfish and I will try to make things better”.

Now I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, she says she wants me but doesn’t do anything about it. Like I said I know some of the above reasons for being tired are not under anyone’s control but at the same time she stays up until 2am when she has to wake at 8 - its like she’s not even trying to come to some compromise. At first since I was “out of the loop” with sex, things didn’t quite go well sometimes in bed but I did what I had to do to make and keep her happy - no matter what. I know she’s under a lot of stress and so am I, a lot I don’t even mention to her about so she won’t worry any more than she has too. I always put her first and approach any issue with compassion, its like she has just given up on sex - I’m trying to get in “tune” with her sex drive and take notice to some things I may miss but I’m baffled. Right now I’m just trying to keep my mind off of it but I find her so attractive and I want to make love to woman THAT I love.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated, sorry this is so long. If anything needs clearing up please ask -
Again thanks!

[shh!]

Well, I have a couple of thoughts...

First, women tend to be more interested in sex when they are pretty sure they will orgasm, which leads to to think your technique may need work.

Secondly, you say she is in pain. Why? This is a problem that needs to be resolved, and honestly, it is unfair of you to expect her to be hot for you while in pain.

third, it sounds like you are down to about once a week. That is not statistically abnormal, and it is common for frequency to decline over time.

Fourth, if I understood you correctly, you are living with her family? Uhh... not sexy at all. I wouldn't be in the mood, either. You need more privacy.

And finally, yes, she IS allowed to decide she doesn't want to have sex without consulting you. It is HER body.

On the other hand, it is possible you two are simply not a sexual match. She has a lower drive than you do. If this is a problem for you, then you should let her go, and find someone whose drive in more in sync with yours.

[Bassic]

OK thanks for the reply -

Alright, after foreplay I go down on her until she orgasms, we used to switch off depending on how things go - but trust me, she orgasms before intercorse even occurs

The pain I mention is carpal tunnel, it wakes her up during the night - the reason she doesn't get much sleep and another reason I wonder why she doesn't go to bed any earlier. No pain during sex, I've made sure of that.

Yeah once a week is fine, hell just knowing she really wants to be with me is ok, just this sudden change...?

Yes I agree with the family living situation, I am trying to get our OWN place as we speak.

And yes I see where you are going with "its her body", I understand times of the month and health issues preventing sex and I respect the fact that she is on the "receiving end" but I still think my opinion should be asked ya know -

Thanks - any more comments would be appreciated!

[bluesummer]

I've always said people should try to compromise, but sex is a hard to thing to do when you're really not into it. Like ssh said, you guys clearly have different sex drives, and your only two options with it are put up with it or let her go. Your sex life in the first three months of your relationship are never a good marker to compare against down the line. Everyone has WAY more sex in the beginning.

If you're willing to stick with her through this, keep in mind this may be a long-term scenario, not just a rough patch. Are you okay with that? Are you okay if it gets down to LESS than once a week? Make sure you're certain of this. Sex is not a trivial thing, it's a very big part of a healthy relationship.

[NeoSeminole]

break up with her. Let her make some other guy miserable. Also, stop apologizing every time you bring up sex. It makes you look like a pansy.

[michzel creativ]

Yes! sex really matters in a relationship. Have a check up with an expert physician maybe there's something wrong with her sexual urge.

[Bassic]

Ok thanks guys - yeah I see where this might be pointing - seems everything got "calm" when she was certain I wanted to stay with her. I do want to be with her, she does make me happy and accepts a lot of things that other girls wouldn't. Maybe thats the catch 22, but should it be comprimise or sacrifice - damn.... and I don't even know how I would approach her about seeing a doctor about increasing her sex drive -

Comments Welcome -thanks

[doppelgaenger]

Rape her.

Please her against her will. Rip off her fancy expensive thong and use your tongue on her vagina like it's melting icecream in a bowl and you're proud to not have any silverware. Why don't you lick her asshole while your at it; a fudge sundae isn't half bad from time to time, and it will make her feel kinky.

[Illusional]

why do women write such long threads??

raverboy

[Tedel]

why do women write such long threads??

raverboy

They're talkative 'cause they have two "mouths"

[tom_]

Before you start with sexing with your women make sure she isn't sore... Just finger her a bit and make sure she gets wet so it will be much easier and less painfull (and even increases the orgasm)...

[blackzj52]

Before you start with sexing with your women make sure she isn't sore... Just finger her a bit and make sure she gets wet so it will be much easier and less painfull (and even increases the orgasm)...

dude, u shouldnt need to finger a girl to get her wet. my ex would be drenched before id even get my fingers down there. shed get horny while making out.

[tom_]

dude, u shouldnt need to finger a girl to get her wet. my ex would be drenched before id even get my fingers down there. shed get horny while making out.

If you want to skip the foreplay and want to get to business asap you should use my tacktik because most girls gets horny when you are just cuddling with them.

Sometimes those things are better then sexs for them...

[blackzj52]

foreplay is the best part