Moving On Too Quickly??

[Meg007]

Hi again everyone,
It's been a very rough year with a lot of stuff, and I'm not sure what to do about a lot of it, or whether I am moving on too quickly. So here's the story.

In May I went to a party at my friends house and one of my guy friends was there, let's call him Bob for privecy reasons. I'd known him for about six months at that stage and had to admit that I was pretty attracted to him. It was my first real party I had been too and was pretty out of it after half a bottle of this 5% stuff. But after having something to eat I was good again. Bob and I started getting close and well, we kissed. I was really happy about it. The next day we established that we should try to be together. So yeah I was really happy. I was 16 then, turning 17 in two months so yeah, I was really happy about everything. A couple of weeks after getting with him he was over at my house. My friend was over for a little while then left so it was my me and him there. We went up to my bedroom to hang out and do a bit of stuff. We got a bit carried away and I didnt want to go all the way so I asked him to stop but he didnt, as a result I physically lost my virginity. He acted that nothing was wrong whenever I saw him and I was too ashamed and scared to say anything. About a month after it happened I worke dup enough courage to tell him it was over.

Then a couple of days after breaking it off I found out I was pregnant. I was really scared and went to one of my friends at the time, and ex boyfriend, let's call him Tim. We were together last year for about three months. He's in the navy. He offered his support through whatever happens and that he'd help me through everything, and just as a friend. Something went wrong and I miscarried. Part of me was sad but part was relieved. It's hard to explain.

That was all a couple of months ago. Now Tim and I are really close and we're talking about trying something again. He's currently deployed overseas and doesnt get back until December.

I'm confused though, I dont know whether I'm moving on from everything that's happened and havnt stopped to take the time and yeah. But I find myself completly falling for Tim again and he's been so good to me and I feel I can talk to him about everything. He knows what's happened and how I am a bit uncomfortable with certain things. But I also know I am only 17, and generally I'm quite a weird teen in that I constantly think, teens dont know what love is, it's silly to think teens plan their weddings with their partner at the time, but I find myself falling more and more in love with him and I cant make it stop.

I'm just really confused about it all and would love some advise on how to deal with this from someone older than I am.

[alter_ego]

1. If you told Bob to stop and he didn't, then we have a problem. It's illegal to force sex, stop means stop. Here in Sweden that would be classified as rape. You really think that you should talk to someone about it and inform the Police. you might need to talk to someone so that this won't haunt you later in life.

2. As far as Tim go, he sounds like a decent and loyal friend and that is something one should value. I say: Go for it!

You are still young, about 10 years from now, you'll see a change in the way you relate to the people close to you. Friends will come to play a smaller roll in your life, you'll still hang out and have fun and trust in each other and all that stuff, but the one closest to you, your best friend will be your boyfriend.

And that is why it's important to have a loyal partner. So if you already have found someone who you like, can trust in and who is loyal to you. Then I would say that you have found something that many other seek and if so, I hope that you'll value that.

[Mish]

I think you are moving too quickly Meg. Your actions sound a bit impulsive and I think it's bizarre that you couldn't force the guy to stop in your own bedroom. And I think it's bizarre that you invited him to your bedroom in the first place (while only 16) after only a couple of weeks of meeting him (Were your parents home? If not, why didn't you invite the guy while they were home? Why did you let the guy come to your bedroom so quickly into relationship?) The situation you ended up in was very preventable, the fact that it happened reveal some deep flaws in judgement.

The above happened not so long ago, I'm guessing the flaws in judgement will still be there and the situation you were in is stil repeatable. Honestly, I would stay away from relationships for awhile all together if I were you.

[Meg007]

Thanks for your advise

Mishayna, I know it was a very stupid thing to do. I'd known him for about half a year before we took a friendship further. I didnt exactly invite him over, I had got mild hyperthermia at school after doing a kayaking lesson with capsizes etc and he offered to drive me home after school instead of having tot ake the bus. We went up to my room because my brother was annoying us and stuff. But yeah, I understand where you come from, it was very very stupid of me, looking back I slap myself over it. I wish I was more strong in saying no, but I honestly did not know how to react.
I have considered going to the cops, but decided against it, it would mean going through a lot more stuff that I really dont want to go through. Also the police here arent exactly the brightest when it comes to dealing with these kind of things.