Question for independent girls or women

[krondragon]

I posted in the heartbreak forum, but now I need some other advice.

Ok... so my ex was a really independent girl and broke up with me 3 months ago. We're on good terms now after talking yet again, although we still act more like aquaintences than friends, which is kind of painful but we have no obligations to each other, so I can do w/e I want as well. Just a preview on our background, we are both 20 and enrolled in college.

Anyhow I'm kind of curious to get your perspective on things. I do agree with her that we were incompatible, but I was just curious as to how others would think.

Basically our situation was, after our "honey moon" stage of the relationship and once summer school hit for her, I saw her at most, twice a week and just talked to her on the phone/ talk to her on instant messaging. Of course she got stressed out over schoo and naturally I wanted to be there for her, so I kept telling her that if she wanted to talk that I would be there for her. Also since she got really busy, I cancelled future plans for her so that she would just focus on school. However, maybe this was counter intuitive, as I feel now that she's the type of girl who would rather look out for herself than have someone do it for her. Call me crazy, but I think I should've just kept firm to my plans for her and just waited till she gave me the word on whether or not she could spend time with me and while at the same time, just leave her alone to her own problems because anything I was doing wasn't really cheering her up and it might have been bothering her more than helping.

I feel the need to become less attached in relationships as well because I have so many ideals about making a girl happy that I'm afraid of smothering her and although I do perfer space, its just that when a girl is going through a rough time, I feel the need to give as much attention as I can that I sometimes neglect to take care of myself. So any tips on becoming more independent or dettached is much appreciated as well.

[MzConfused]

Well...if you're trying to give her a bit of space but you need to talk to her or want to talk to her, i'd suggest you text every now and then.

If she is stressed and is very busy then trying to call her alot is probably not the best idea. You could text her saying ''morning hun, try not to have sucha stressful day 2day, u'll b fine, have a gd day'' and you cud txt ha saying ''gdnight''. BUT not every night, just evry so often so she knows u still care and that ur not put off by her busy-ness.

Also you could make plans. take her somewhere every once in a while...i'm sure she could do with a break from all the work. don't come on too heavy. just take her somewhere she can hang out and let her feel like she can unload on you.

but still don't be too direct, impatient or too soppy because not all girls like the forward romance. some like to know they have you waiting and ready to be their shoulder to lean on.xxx

i hope i've helped.xx

[lastwish]

If you want to be independent then be like her...have something worthwhile to focus on for yourself. Since you have college as well then I'm sure you have school to focus on too. When both of you are on school breaks than hang out. Nothing to fret about.

[krondragon]

Doesn't sound too bad, I'll have to keep that in mind if I ever date another independent girl. Thanks

[starbuck]

It's always good to be independent for your own sake, but could it be that your ex just wasn't a good match for you?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your girlfriend as long as it's not smothering. But she should be wanting to make time for you, too. Maybe it's just a matter of finding a girlfriend who is not as much of a "space junkie."