'dating' my ex

[Earthling84]

So I made another thread called "broke up after 4 years". My girlfriend and I were living together and she decided to move back to her parents house. I was crushed of course, but I am glad we have kept contact. We hung out a couple times after we broke up, and are hanging out again tonight.

I talked with her on the phone today and decided to ask her basically if she wanted to try 'dating'. We really just got too comfortable in the relationship and living together and neglected the relationship. I decided to ask her if we could give dating a shot. I said I think we had a really good thing, even though we decided to split. I don't think we should just call it quits instantly. And I asked if she'd be ok with dating me. Nothing too serious, and nothing very physical(although a kiss would be nice). She agreed we could try that! I feel like a schoolboy now who just got his first crush. I hope our 'date' tonight goes really well.

I am slightly concerned about one thing. After talking with her for about 1 hour on the phone, she said she had another call from 'andrew' and that she'd call me back. I am not sure who andrew is. I hope it is one of her cousins, but I can't match the name to a face.

[alter_ego]

don't sweat it... You have a history with her and it would require a lot for Andrew to compensate for that. She has lots of memories of you and the love that evolves during a 4 year relationship doesn't go away easily. Forget Andrew for now and concentrate on your date.

I'm really happy for you man..

Don't waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only with your self. - Mary Schmich (from the sun screen song)

Good luck!

[Only-virgins]

it would require a lot for Andrew to compensate for that.

Oh I'm sure she is getting a lot of Andrew alright.

[Earthling84]

Oh I'm sure she is getting a lot of Andrew alright.

What do you mean by that? She hasn't had really any time to meet someone new. I think it may have been one of her cousins but I am just not sure. We only 'split' on wednesday last week. And thursday we hung out during the day and at night. Friday night we didn't hang out, but I think she was with her family. And saturday i knew she was with her family for the mary kay party and with her sister that night. So that really only leaves possibly friday night, but doubtful, and sunday night when she was 'free'.

[Only-virgins]

What do you mean by that? She hasn't had really any time to meet someone new. I think it may have been one of her cousins but I am just not sure. We only 'split' on wednesday last week. And thursday we hung out during the day and at night. Friday night we didn't hang out, but I think she was with her family. And saturday i knew she was with her family for the mary kay party and with her sister that night. So that really only leaves possibly friday night, but doubtful, and sunday night when she was 'free'.

Plenty of girls usually get with the other guy before they even bother breaking up with the first. I'm not saying but how about you find out? Obviously you have some doubts about this since you replied like this to my comment. Don't you think?

[Earthling84]

Plenty of girls usually get with the other guy before they even bother breaking up with the first. I'm not saying but how about you find out? Obviously you have some doubts about this since you replied like this to my comment. Don't you think?

I agree that can happen, however, we lived together, she never went out with people unless i was with her. She didn't really ever have any time without me to meet someone new. So I don't see how that could of happened. We were together every day until wednesday last week.

I do kind of want to ask her about this andrew person, but I don't know how. I was thinking saying like, "Is andrew one of your cousins? I can't seem to match a face to the name"

I don't want to sound depressed about it, and if she says "just a friend" or something i'll just brush it off and say that's cool.

I just don't see why she would agree to dating me again if she had already begun with someone else.

[alter_ego]

He is just messing with your head...

regardless of which you have to focus on your own race, if you want to win her back.

don't put your energy on Andrew, focus on your ex

[Earthling84]

so you think i should ask her who andrew is like I mentioned above or just ignore adrew completely?

[HUNT3R]

I just don't see why she would agree to dating me again if she had already begun with someone else.

You were together for 4 years, do you think she would do something like that? But like alter ego said, you have 4 years of history and memories with her. Atm you have the upper hand. Don't sweat it. Focus on dating her and give it your full attention, like you should. If this Andrew is mentioned again, you could ask her who he is, otherwise don't worry.

[alter_ego]

so you think i should ask her who andrew is like I mentioned above or just ignore adrew completely?

Ignore for the time being. Jealousy will only hold you back!

[Cain]

Yes, they have made memories together for the last four years but if it wasn't enough for her to not end the relationship, what makes you think it would be enough for her to not find someone else? If there's one thing I've learned in the last couple of months, it's that anything can happen. Memories, feelings, and promises mean nothing. They can dissipate in the blink of an eye and leave one person absolutely dumbfounded.

Just because she agreed to date you doesn't mean she's dating you exclusively. The problem that you have now, however, is that if you start asking about this guy, you could likely get an answer you don't want or you could start to push her away.

[Earthling84]

ok, I won't ask her about this guy. I will simply try to be the one who is more there for her, and try to hang out with her more(although not smother her). But try to hang out with her multiple times a week.

[Cain]

ok, I won't ask her about this guy. I will simply try to be the one who is more there for her, and try to hang out with her more(although not smother her). But try to hang out with her multiple times a week.

Two or three times a week is absolutely plenty for people that are just dating. Any more and you could start to smother her.

[alter_ego]

If I was in your shoes, I would show her (not tell her) that she is the one that I want to be with. Give her all you attention, use your knowledge of her to impress her and make her feel special and happy.

Do stuff that she likes but that you normally wouldn't do, even if it means doing stuff that you don't like.

[Earthling84]

Yea, I am trying to do that. All the things I missed doing with her. I even tried to bring her dancing tonight(i never was a big dancer but she likes to dance). She was fine with going but the club that I was going to bring her to is only open on the weekends.

I know she likes museums also, and was thinking to maybe ask her to a museum in chicago maybe thursday.