How do you break up with a good guy? I'm afraid and upset. :(

[hermionegranger]

I've decided (sort of) that my relationship with my bf cannot go on. "Sort of", because the reason that "I'm not happy" and the thought of breaking up... well the reason is... "funny". Though it's not funny at all. Sorry about that...

I just don't feel that we belong together. We don't have the same interest I thought we had in the beginning. Actually we share only 1-2 interests, but... the rest (I have a lot of interests!) is just not there. He doesn't like opera, I love it, he doesn't like red wine, I love it, he doesn't like my kind of music, I love it, I'm more of a career person, he's more of a family person, I'd like to adopt, he'd like, that I'd give birth etc. And we've had a lot of arguments lately about the smallest issues. He thinks I spend too much time on my school and work and hobbies, he also thinks that I don't help him enough and... he thinks I'm always about me, me and me. Am I? I want to be happy, but... at the moment I'm not. Am I just supposed to wait until the storm passes or... is it best if we both just moved on?

We're both 21, go to the same university, we've been together for about 1,5 years of which about 9 months he spent in another city, studying. And I've really started thinking that... maybe he left too soon - we just didn't get to know each other and now... we've done that and... I've found out that he's not the guy I'm looking for.

He really is a good guy. He's caring, friendly, kind, loving, but... I don't feel passion anymore. And he's really worried that I'm going to break up with him and.. I'm scared to do that. I don't want to hurt him. But I feel that in a longer perspective we'll both be unhappy. That's what I feel. I do not know that for sure of course. If I didn't broke up with him and if I worked hard on our relationship, would everything be ok in the end? Would I ever get the idea, that maybe he's not the one for me, out of my head? Would it come haunting again after some time?

And if I do break up with him... how the hell am I supposed to tell him the truth. "I really do love you, but I just feel, we're not right for each other"? What kind of an explanation is that?

I'm so afraid. I'm afraid, that I've made up my mind. I'm afraid to confess myself... that I've made up my mind. I'm afraid of his reaction. For three nights in a row I've cried myself to sleep. I love him! But I feel, my love's more motherly or... that I love him more like a very very good friend or something like that. I don't see ourselves getting married or having children. At first I did, but... not anymore. What should I do? Break up or wait?

[ecojeanne]

it really sounds like you should break up with him. don't feel guilty, it's better that you are honest now rather than later. you're only 21 and you'll get over it and so will he. say you're sorry but you have too many differences and that you enjoyed the time you had but you want focus on yourself and your career.

[Angelo_91]

another example of the nice guy getting nowhere persona

[Bokonon]

It sounds to me like the explanation you suggested is honest while it may not be satisfying to him. I think if that's how you feel, you should tell him that in the kindest way you can.

I've had similar breakups and I know it's really hard. He certainly won't take it well, but the sooner you get it over with the better. He doubtless already knows something is up and probably is feeling crappy already.

Good luck, and I hope it goes as well as it conceivably can.

[krondragon]

My ex did this to me... But even so, she was a bad girlfriend, so I really should have done it.

Be fair to him and yourself. Don't let it drag on or it will hurt both of you in the long run. You care for him and you seem like a good person. Don't feel guilty about this. He'll hurt, I know he will because I hurt like no other. I mean even if you guys aren't compatible, you guys can still be friends in time and still help each other out.

[Charlie Boy II]

How do you let a good man down?

[ame="http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq9nb5WpMb8"]http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq9nb5WpMb8[/ame]

[Only-virgins]

He doesn't like opera, I love it,

Good luck!

[hermionegranger]

Despite the fact that I really think we're not meant to be together, I still feel bad about it. I feel that I haven't been a very good girlfriend, especially because i can't love him for who he is. Am I really asking too much? Why aren't I satisfied? Are similar interests really that important? I just feel that if I continue like this for the rest of my life, for 60 forecoming years... I'm not ready for it, he'd be unhappy, I'd be unhappy. But he really believes we belong together. He thinks I'm the one for him, he thinks we're perfect for each other. How do I crush his dream? It hurts terribly. But then again - I know I'm going to take that step sooner or later and we're both gonna have to deal with the pain. It's just so hard to decide, when's the right moment and... it's hard to tell myself that I'm actually doing the right thing, because a part of me keeps repeating to myself that I'm being immature and stupid. Am I immature and stupid? Am I giving up too fast?

[bluesummer]

another example of the nice guy getting nowhere persona

That's totally not what this is about. She's not complaining that he's too nice for her, she's complaining they have nothing in common.

Hermione, you are only 21. Don't feel guilty about not feeling compatible with this guy. At your age, you're still going to go through a lot of personal growth over the next few years of your life, and they may drive the wedge even further. Don't feel bad about this, you're doing him a favour by letting him go. It will give you both the freedom to find people that are more compatible.

Yeah, he will probably be hurt, but then when he does meet someone he's more compatible with, something he probably didn't think possible, he will be really thankful. You're not being immature and stupid, you're being realistic.

[krondragon]

You think after 1 and a half years is giving up? My ex gave up after a month and a half -.- ... So go for it. I think you have put ample thought into this.

[Tedel]

I just don't feel that we belong together. We don't have the same interest I thought we had in the beginning.

If a girl ever breaks up with me saying this, although I'd be hurt in my ego for a moment; I'd admire her maturity forever.

Nobody likes to be the bad guy of the movie, hermionegranger, but sometimes you have to break the eggs if you want to make an omelette.

[loveconfuseeddd]

I'm in much of the same situation...except I have another guy waiting for me.

Ive been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and I, too, attend a university. This has been the hardest few months of my life and I'm ready to let go.

You are 21, you deserve to have fun, live life, do whatever. And if you're worried about hurting him, he needs to stand on his own two feet and staying with him won't help him do that.

If it is meant to be in the end, you two will find eachother.

[Gribble]

"Nobody likes to be the bad guy of the movie"

Bullshit.

[agatha]

Be strong enough to tell whats inside your heart.
Try to give him a suggestion! A week or a month
your call off then be back with in that time. Then tell
what you have felt if your not committed with each other.
Then that's the time you will decide if your going to continue
your relationship or not.

[hermionegranger]

I've made my final decision - I've decided to break up with him. But how do I do that? I know I need to be strong and tell him kindly and politely, why have I made my decision and so on, but... I know, I'm going to cry, I'm going to forget half of the things I want him to know and the whole breaking up is going to be terrible. How am I supposed to react to his reactions? He has cried before, what should I do if he starts crying this time as well? I love him, but... I love him as a friend, I don't want to see him hurt. Though I know - there's no other way and we're both gonna hurt like hell...

He's still willing to try and make things better, but I don't have any hope, especially because we have very different interests in life. How do I explain that?