How I Suffer.

[Faustprimo*]

As you have probably just noticed, I'm new to this forum. Male, 18, student and unable to give up a grudge.

I write now but this has been plaguing me for six years, since I was insulted by in a manner which was so grievous I've become a quasi emotionless misogynist. The girl I think I love; I cannot tell because I also feel such immense dislike of her due to how she treated me, as kids basically, but I cannot forget.

I know she does not hate me, I know she does like me, she has intentionally tried to be/was "nice" to me, but I can still not forgive what many of you would consider a childish insult. As a result, when I speak to her, I feel that I am being aggressive in my speech and cannot say what I really think because I have not been with her long enough alone to talk to her about the past.

Crazy, aren't I? Yet many pretty girls have been interested in me, but I refute them almost instantly with slightly offensive and misogynistic behaviour which I feel unable to control.

What should I do? Deliberately seeking out the girl and making her feel uncomfortable, though the right thing to do, is only possible to see her at school and would be very risky as she is always with friends.

I feel like a lion wnclosed within dark cave and as a result, I probably suffer from repression of emotion. This is obviously a 'spill-the-guts' story of a guy who needs some help.

How true is it that someone you can completely trust is someone who you do not know at all? That's what I ask of you. Please, take it easy on me but advise me on what action I should take without holding back.

[1averagejoe]

Well one thing I did notice is that you triple posted...delete the other two.

As for your question, get over it. 6 years ago?!?!?? You were 12, really now. Anything at that age IS CHILDISH, get it into your head. Nothing we say on here is really going to do anything. It's all up to you to get over this.

Learn to let go.

[agatha]

I agree with 1averagejoe. Let it go.
Your young at that time, don't know what she's talking.

Past is past.

[Faustprimo*]

I can't let go without resolution of some sorts; thats the most important part. This is the only person I've felt anything for in a non-familial way, it's not that easy just to say "let go;" I'd prefer resoltion good or bad compared to trying to let go and thats what intend on doing. I just wanted to see on this forum if there was anything that I would not get from people I know.

[1averagejoe]

Ok...what the heck did she do that was soo bad 6 years ago when you were 12 that you can't let go?

[Faustprimo*]

Everybody would probably think its nothing; a verbal insult which affected me and cannot disclose. Not based on appearance. It's childish really, I can recognise that, but I don't understand why it affected me so badly to turn me into the person I am currently, almost surely insecurity. Thanks for your help, but I think I'll have to tackle the rest of this myself.

[excowho]

Then don't date her and drop her from your life.
Go find a new girl who you won't relate emotional trauma with.

As for whatever this insult was, and I literally mean whatever, I don't even care if it was a your mom joke and your mother died(Which is sad but...). You were 12, it was 6 years ago, the fact that you take it so much to heart is more disconcerting.
You have to let go, maybe the only way to let go is to bring it up with her.
However don't pursue a relationship with her if you are already harboring these feelings.