Is it normal to feel jealous like I do?

[GrkScorp]

What the dating market is NOT:

Contrary to anecdotal evidence.., there is a lot of humor and popular perception about what the dating market is.. But those are more the products of dishonesty and ego.., and less a reflection of how things really are..

The dating market is not a cutesy-fake way for men and women to hide under the notion of "love" and "romance" to get what they want.. Recall the concept of "projection".. The people who feel this way.., are most likely H/Ds.., of either sex.., who are really only interested in sex or money to begin with.., and perceive things as being structured in a way that forces them to have to trade sex for money.., or money for sex.. That view is nothing more than the product of the perception of some people who are only looking for those things.. I can assure you.., that while you will definitely encounter "some" women who are only interested in your money.., this is definitely not the case for "all" women..

Ben's Theory on dating:

All women are whores.. That is to say.., that they feel that they are entitled more than sex.., in return for just sex.. Identical to prostitution.., not only do they feel no shame in their expectations.., they verbally demand it.. If that's the kind of respect they have for themselves.., then how can they expect me to treat them any differently?

(In case you're not a regular.., Ben is my @sshole friend.. He outnumbers me consistently on how many women he sleeps with (not dates).. Conservatively.., he's with someone new every 2-3 days.. that's 2-3 new people every week.., 8-12 people every month.., you do the math on how many people that is every year)

His theory has a lot of appeal.., at first glance.., if you're both a man or woman.., you might feel that it captures what goes on.. I'll explain the biases and fallacies that are involved.., and how that conclusion isn't consistent with the reality of things..

Here is how the dating market works..

Unless someone's financial or sexual value is a deal-breaker.., then they are considered a romantic option.. If you can get along with them.., then you date them.. If you really like them.., you find yourself in a relationship.. If you love them.., why wouldn't you want to spend the rest of your life with them? (Unless of course that promise to spend the rest of your life with them had potential financial and legal consequences attached).., but if it didn't.., why wouldn't you want to commit yourself completely to them and nobody else for the rest of your life?

What is more valuable to you in the dating market?

- Sex? (why aren't you in the market for sex then?)
- Love?
- Money? (why don't you just work then?)

That's all there is to the dating market.. It's pretty simple.. But as soon as emotions get involved.., people's expectations aren't met.., people's egos start to get involved.., competition.., frustration.., anger.., and the desire for something better.., make things fall apart.. It's the biggest limiting belief most people have.., and it holds them back.., either by keeping them afraid.., uncertain.., single.., lonely.., or constantly miserable and unhappy.., never satisfied with what they have..

Don't be confused by ego-statements made by either gender.. A hot guy can't have any girl he wants.., nor can a hot girl have any guy she wants.. A rich guy can't have any girl he wants.., nor can a rich girl have any guy she wants.. That belief stems from the legitimate fear of being manipulated or used.., and nobody wants to be fooled or tricked.., much less hurt.. Neither sex has any power over the other.., simply because.., weather they would like to accept the reality or not.., nobody is that special or unique.. Everyone is the dating market is a commodity.., and they're all quite homogeneous..

[GrkScorp]

Fraud and manipulation in the dating market:

In an ideal world.., everyone in the dating market would be an H/H.. But we don't live in an ideal world.. So let's further entertain our fantasy and pretend that only H/H and D/D types were present.. That would be fine.. And here is why..

D/D types would engage in prostitution/pimp transactions.. A 30 year old woman would approach a guy and say.. "I think you're cute.., I know I don't look the way I once did.., but I'm richer than Oprah.. I would be willing to give you anything you desire if you'd be willing to overlook the other hotter 18 year olds running around and have sex with me".. A 40 year old guy would approach a woman and say.., "I think you're one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen! I have a penthouse in the city.., a couple of credit cards and a Jag that could be yours.., if you don't mind my belly and bald-spot.., or lack of physical endowments".. And that would be fine.., because other D/Ds would accept..

The problem is.., that the dating market doesn't have such an honest or honestly dishonest population..

D/Hs believe that they must act like D/Ds to get what D/Ds have.. Either very attractive or very wealthy partners.. But all that D/Hs really want.., are someone to appreciate and love them.. They have to go on putting up a front.., and will ultimately end up growing bitter and cynical.., or end up getting hurt..

H/Ds are the real @ssholes in this market.. These are your gold-diggers.., the strippers who pretend to be interested in you but just want sex from you.., or the guys who are losers and can't compete with D/Ds.., so pretend to be H/Hs.., lie about being in the dating market.., when all they're really looking for is just to have sex..

With that kind of population dynamic in the market.., the only ones you can trust are the dishonest ones.., and the only ones you can be suspicious of are the honest ones.. That's because.., you at least have the hope of encountering a D/H who you can expect to change and see them open up.., but you can only be guarded in fear of ever coming across an H/D who is just trying to manipulate you.., and nobody wants to be manipulated..

Since that dynamic exists.., the statements that get produced are.., "women just want your money.., men just want sex.., etc"

The tragedy is.., that if either sex believes that to be true.., then that's how they will perceive dating.., and they'll treat it as legitimate prostitution/pimping..

[GrkScorp]

Ben's Theory falls apart:

Personally.., Ben's theory falls apart 144 times a year.. He can barely cover his rent.., he's an English teacher that has no desire to grow or make anything more of himself.., yet he continues to sleep with half of the entire Fashion district..

His whore theory comes from a girl he dated.. She tried to sell him the idea that women had sexual power over men.., that all it took was them acting and dressing a little cute.., being a little flirty.., showing some interest.., teasing a little.., and through sex.., they could get whatever they wanted.. The way she felt towards sex lead him to believe that "all" women are whores..

There's a huge gap between what she said and how he feels.., and it needs some clarification.. Her argument was that she could control someone through the use of sex.. Ben was offended.., but for a different reason than you might be offended.. She was talking to a guy who was sleeping with someone new every couple of days.. Someone who didn't have money.., was good looking but no supermodel.., and completely lacked substance.., the guy had zero respect for women in general.., much less her.. So that's all it took for him to tell her to get out of his place..

You might find that offensive for a different reason..



What that argument amounts to.., is that the only sex you want as a male.., is way down on that needs pyramid.. The reason it offends you is because you want sexual intimacy which is found under love & belonging.. When someone comes and tries to degrade you.., down to that level.., the reason you feel angry is because even though you know it's not true.., they still believe that is true.. The good news is.., you don't have to deal with anyone like that.., unless you're desperate.., in which case.., they would be right about you anyway..

First of all.., let's get one thing straight in terms of sexual power as bargaining power.. A guy who is a 10.., and a girl who is a 10.., don't have any sexual power disparity between them.., or else they're not 10s.. But between a 6 and a 10.., there's clearly someone who holds more sexual power over the other.. In the market for sex.., this would never fly.. But in the market for dating.., it can be said that the 10 has sex as one of the things it can offer to the 6..

Carla once held the same view.., and I did something quite brutal to her self esteem.., I introduced her to the reality of things.. She's a very attractive girl.., with the view that most very attractive women have.., that they can get anything they want simply because of the way they look and under a sense of sexual control or power.. The first step was asking her a series of questions..

- Do you think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?
- Do you think you're among the top 10 most beautiful women?
- Do you think you're in the top 1% of all women? Honestly..
- What about the top 2%? Are you more attractive than 98% of women?
- Okay fine.., 3%? Are you on that 97th percentile?
- At least top 5%? Do you believe you're better looking than 95% of other women?

No.., no.., no.., no.., no.., but I'm still pretty..

So then to show her how off she was by thinking that.., we went to a bar.. I told her.., if she really had sexual control or power over men.., go up to any guy you find attractive.., get his number.., and I want to see the two of you go out on a date together.. I wasn't proposing she get him to buy her a car or house.., just a date! She couldn't do it.. She stood there in the bar.., completely paralyzed.. Every time I would try and get her to talk to someone.., she would make up excuses for herself.., "I don't know".., "I'm not in the mood".., "he's okay but not my type".., "yes.., it's because I'm too picky.., THAT'S why I'm not talking to anyone.., not because I don't want to admit that I'm wrong.., because admitting that to myself would make me feel like sh*t"..

I knew she wouldn't be able to do it.., that's exactly why I asked her to do it.. Her emotions held her back.., and what held her back.., was fear.. Fear of destroying the reality she lived in.., that men wanted to have sex with her.., that she had all this power over men through the way she looked.., that she could get anything she wanted.. She associated this with her looks.., which meant that if this was not indeed the case.., that if she discovered this to be false.., she would also have to feel that she wasn't attractive or pretty.. So as an emotional safeguard.., she waited for guys to make the first move..

This is a belief as vital to a woman's self esteem as is her telling herself she's the most gorgeous thing walking on earth.. To admit otherwise to herself is self esteem suicide.. Yet we know that it's not true.., in fact.., it's actually quite annoying for a guy who's an H/H to have to put up with this mentality.. He likes her for more than just the way she looks.., and the sex he wants to have with her stems from the desire for sexual intimacy.. But for as long as she feels the way she does.., she'll constantly feel insecure.., suspicious.., jealous of other women.., and won't trust you.. While that mentality might provide a short-term treat to her self esteem.., in the long run.., it will drive her crazy.., and good men away from her life..

Literally.., the only guys who put up with it are sexually inferior H/Ds who are desperate.., and D/Ds like Ben who are just looking to have lust based sex anyway.. But unfortunately.., these are not the only guys who get caught up with these women.. Can you imagine what would happen if an H/H guy.., your classic genuine nice guy.., you're clueless naive innocent childish boy.., your hopeless romantic who holds this idealized image of love dear to his heart.., gets mixed up with someone who has this kind of mentality? (we'll definitely get to this.., a very important point)

[GrkScorp]

Just because he's not young doesn't mean he's not a boy.. How many @ssholes do you really know? Okay.., now.., how many hopeless romantic guys do you know? How many guys do you know that fall head over heals for a girl? That would do anything for her.., whose only pleasure is to see her happy.., that want to spend the rest of their lives together with her any nobody else? Does that sound like anyone you might know? There are guys in their 30s.., 40s.., 50s.., 60s.., yeah.., who fortunately for their partners.., have never really been with anyone who has crushed their view of women.. Like a child.., they are immediately able to give her all of his trust.., and respect her like the other half of him she represents in his life..

Can you see what's bound to happen? Fine.., I'll let it build up a little bit more.. So this H/H guy meets this stunning 10.. 10s are actually pretty common in the female population.., when I asked Carla that series of questions.., it was a statistical trick on my part.. She is a 10.., and she is drop dead gorgeous.., but so are the rest of the top 10% of all women.. So it boils down to why someone isn't chasing all of those women.., and just her.. To this H/H.., although he's a naive child.., and largely clueless in terms of what she's thinking or how she feels.., he's still able to size her up.. Subtle cues in her body language.., facial expression and voice.., to which he can unconsciously distinguish as not being calculated (conscious).., and therefore unconscious on her part.., or in other words.., genuinely who she actually is.., cause him to feel attraction for her.. He can't explain it to himself.., much less to her.., but he's quite aware of the way he begins to feel for her.. He knows it's not just because of the way she looks.., but he can't quite put his finger on it..

What is he going to do? Seriously.. Is he going to go up and say.., "Hey.., my unconscious mind picked up some subtle cues on your part and it gave me an insight into who you unconsciously are.., which is who you actually are genuinely.., and I liked what I saw.., I'd really like to get to know you better".. The reaction he would most likely get would be.. (1) what crack are you smoking.., and where can I get some? (2) that has to be the worst pick up line I've ever heard..

The more interesting thing to think about is not what "he" is going to do or what he's going to be thinking.., but what "she" is going to be thinking and how she will feel..

For all she knows or cares.., any guy coming to talk to her or even looking at her.., just wants to have sex with her.. And if you think about it.., she's right.. Be it just physical-only sex.., or sexual intimacy.., either immediately or eventually.., if a guy is either just sexually interested in her or romantically interested in her.., sex is going to be part of the picture.. But what he's thinking is that any guy who looks at her or talks to her.., is just sexually interested in her..

Here is why any woman would feel this way.., look at your population..

D/Ds.., you're ugly.., get lost.., you're hot.., let's have sex.. End of story.., pretty straight forward.. I make my own money and don't intend on spending it on anyone but myself.., no.., I'm not emotionally available.., if you want something serious.., go find someone else.., when I need a baby.., I'll call you.. D/Hs.., all women are b*tches and whores who want a man who treats them like sh*t and doesn't have any respect for them.., my image of women has been completely ruined.., so I'll continue to mimic and act like an @sshole because acting like the nice guy never got me anywhere.. H/Ds.., I'm not good looking or rich enough to have that kind of attitude.., so I'll pretend I have respect for women and can appreciate them for more than a means of fulfilling my sexual porn fantasies.., even though I'm just an insecure loser who is desperate for any sex he can get.. H/Hs.., regardless of my looks or wealth.., I lack the exposure to people that others might have.., and so my lack of bearing risk to being hurt has allowed me to hold onto my innocent and pure childlike idealized notion of love and image of women.., I'm that hopeless romantic who can never seem to find that same level of honesty and respect from those I give my heart and trust to..

[GrkScorp]

If this is your population.., and you're a woman.., seriously.., would you be a little guarded? Ugh.., yeah.., I'd hope so.. If you just want sex.., that sexy hot loaded charmer is your man.., sure he might be an @sshole.., but you're not looking for a relationship.., you just want some c0ck.. The reason you "pretend" you're looking for a relationship.., and say that to yourself and all of your friends.., is so that you don't feel or look like a slut.., like your female urges to have sex are a bad thing.., you feel the need to be ashamed of them and hide them.. So you hide behind your story of.., "he used me.., he tricked me.., HE just wanted sex".. (notice how the self esteem still feels the need to rationalize what just happened as HIM wanting HER)..

Aside from being in the market for sex.., if you're in the market for dating.., then it's very ambitious of you to believe you're going to change that D/D into an H/H anytime soon.. It's also equally as ambitious to believe you found yourself a D/H who shows his soft side every once in a while.. So any guy who doesn't fit that bill is either an H/D or an H/H.. Which means.., that as far as you can tell from externally available information.., 3/4 guys you run into are not interested in a relationship.., and just want to have casual sex.. So when you run across an H/H.., you have good reason to be highly skeptical..

What this means? This means for you as an H/H guy.., no matter what you're actually thinking.., or what you do or say.., she will always feel like you just want to have sex.., and I'm not talking about sexual intimacy.., I'm talking about her thinking that you look at her like a sexual commodity that you're going to fcuk and dump the next second.., that you're having sex with her because of the way she looks.., not because it's HER.., and that means there's nothing holding you back from having sex with anyone that looks just as good or even better than her..

A lot of guys think.., so? I don't get it.. Well.., since you're an H/H.., I know you'll get it.., so here it goes..

As you're reading this.., now.., I want you to imagine you're in a room.. And in this room you're in right now.., are about 20 different women.. All very attractive.., educated.., successful.., genuinely nice.., caring.., compromising.., sensitive.., emotionally stable.., really.., the works.. And as you're sitting there now.., I want you to think about why you're even interested in any of them.. Why would you be? What value do they add to your life? How are you better off with them as opposed to without them? What are your expectations and goals? What are your dreams and fantasies? Well.., to eventually start a family and have children.. And you'd like to raise your children with both parents.., and you represent only one parent.. And you do want that companionship and close friendship with someone.., someone next to you.., someone you can feel comfortable with.., you can trust.., you can share that sexual intimacy with.., you can give your heart to and be absolutely in love with.. In fact.., you enjoy being in love.. But..

Love is a very vulnerable state to be in.. It requires you trusting someone completely and fully investing yourself emotionally.. That feeling that you enjoy so much carries with it some serious risk.. We know how much it hurts to have to break out of that state.., and we don't want to take on that kind of risk.. So.., as equally as important to you as it is to find someone who you want to love.., is finding someone you feel safe and secure enough to love..

Example: I want you to try and imagine that you're sexually attractive.. Go ahead.., take your time.., I know it's a hard thing to ask.. When you're done.., now.., I want you to imagine you're a real estate developer who sits on his ass all day and collects rent and capital gains from sales.. I want you to get a sense of how it would feel like to be worth $100 million and have an annual income of over a million a year.. Go ahead.. If you need to take a moment to close your eyes and really feel how it's like to feel this way now.., you can go ahead and do that..

Great.., now.., let's go a step further and go through a day in your life.. You're a hopeless romantic who just wants someone to fall in love with.. Women are approaching you.., some younger than others.., some over the age of 30.., and you can tell they find you attractive.., you can tell that they want to have their way with you.. And it's flattering.., it's validation on how you look.., but you're not looking for that.. And you don't forgo sex with them because they're unattractive or anything.., but because you want someone to fall in love with.., and you're quite aware that (1) there are equally and better looking people besides yourself out there.., (2) that today it's you.., tomorrow it's someone else.., and you can't risk emotionally investing yourself only to get hurt.. You also have the women who fall in love with you as soon as they hear the name of the university you graduated from.., or how much you make.., or how much you're worth.., or what car you drive.., or how your house looks like.. You know that most of these women don't really love you.., and even the ones who think they do.., really don't.. It doesn't bother you to find someone who also likes your money.., that's natural.. But you're not looking to find someone who only likes you for your money..

As far as who you can have.., your options seem endless.. There are definitely people who are attracted to the way you look and your money.., you're able to command the attention and interest of women for sure.., but what you consistently fail to see is any genuine interest in who you are.. You're looking for someone to fall in love with.., but have yet to find someone who has truly fallen in love with "you".. You see women who just want to have sex with you or enjoy the lifestyle and security you have to offer them.., but you can tell when they're just trying to act like they love you.. And so.., you're quite miserable actually.. Someone as attractive and wealthy as you.., is actually quite lonely.., and ironically.., desperate.., for love..

[GrkScorp]

That's usually the tale of the attractive and wealthy H/H types.. It's not long until they become D/H types.., and here is why..

Consider the relationship that an average woman has with respect to the population.. Let's just say that all types are equally likely for the purpose of simplicity.. 50% of the people who walk into her life are not interested in "her" or really in love with her.. 25% of the people who walk into her life.., D/Hs.., she may classify as D/Ds if they put on a convincing act.. But she would.., out of fear and being conservative.., and rightfully so.., classify the H/Hs who walk into her life as H/Ds.. (and so would you.. In fact.., you already do this.., both genders do it towards each other.., it's very natural to be guarded)

For an attractive woman.., the number of the population that she's exposed to increases almost tenfold.. An average girl makes a facebook account.., she's maybe getting 8-10 friend requests a day from random guys.. An attractive girl makes a facebook account.., she's getting 60-80 friend requests.., per day! That's not some miracle.., after all.., she's more attractive.. That's just common sense.. But what also changes besides the overall number.., are the different types within that group.. Most D/Hs and H/Hs wrongfully assume that because she's attractive.., she must be arrogant.., conceded.., selfish.., self-centered.., and full of herself.. So the number of these types present in the number of men she gets attention from.., drops significantly.. On the other hand.., the number of D/Ds and H/Ds who give her attention dramatically increases..

I want you to think about something very interesting here.. Would this make very attractive women less desperate for love.., or more desperate for love?

The example I gave with the guy.., is actually a little unfair.. Here is why..

- Men are sexually uninhibited
- There are no social consequences to a man's sexual behavior
- There are actually social benefits to his sexual behavior
- The number of women a man sleeps with doesn't really negatively effect his chances of getting married..
- Male sexuality is encouraged and promoted socially

That's not at all the case with a girl..

- There are social consequences to a woman's sexual behavior
- There are no social benefits to her sexual behavior
- The number of men she sleeps with reduces her chances of getting married
- Female sexuality is discouraged and viewed as negative

When a man chooses to have sex.., he can't really say there's a "cost".. Unless he considers the opportunity cost of forgoing to sleep with an other woman.., and the cost of condoms.. But as far as his ability to be accepted and function socially.., or get married in the future.., he can have sex once or a thousand times.., and it makes no difference to him..

That's not the case with women.. That's right.., I'm going to say something quite feminist here as a guy.., but because women do ultimately bear children.., and in the absence of contraceptives.., sex results in pregnancy.., society had to devise a way to repress women sexually in order to prevent this from taking place.. This is a tradition and established social pressure that's thousands of years old.. It's as real as the pressure you feel when the bill comes after dinner.. You both make money.., but for reasons you don't quite understand.., you feel pressured to pay.., even if it's not fair.., even if that's not what you want to do.. It's the same way with sex..

While your choice to have sex is relatively a simple one.., for a woman.., it's highly complex.. It represents a huge cost.. I'm not getting into evolutionary biology here.., I'm just talking about the way things are today.. If she earns the name for herself as the girl that has sex with multiple men.., even if she didn't really sleep with too many guys.., she suffers the social consequences and compromises her chances of getting married.. Again.., is it fair to her? No.. It is consistent with modern times? No.. But it does take time to dispel a thousand year old social construct..

On that note.., when women are away from their friends and primary social circle.., they do feel a lot less inhibited.. What's a lot less inhibited mean? Have you ever been on vacation in Greece? Ever been to Cancun for Spring Break? Marti Gras? Have you at least seen a Girls Gone Wild commercial? When nobody is going to find out.., female sexuality will dwarf your sexuality by far.. A woman simply has more sexual needs than you do.. I hate to break it to you in case you didn't know this.., but sex is less about you.., and more about her..

That's all that's going on.. Wash away any theories you might have about "muffins".., or the world being one huge whore house and prostitution ring.. If you think this way.., you have to admit that it's because your desperation and sexual frustration makes it such that the only way you feel you can have sex is by paying for it..

[GrkScorp]

The use of sex..

Let's go back to the example of the guy.. Attractive and wealthy guy.., high sex appeal.., and he's found a girl.. The question is if sex can be used.., well.., let's think about that..

Outside the relationship: He can use sex to attract her.., but aside from getting her initial attention through his looks.., he would by lying to himself if he thought he could control her or keep her around through sex.. She would come back to him for sex.., but as soon as his looks fade or someone else that's better looking comes along.., if he's emotionally invested in her.., he's the only loser in this picture..

Inside the relationship: Once the relationship is formed.., he knows that they both have certain needs and wants:

- Affection & appreciation
- Emotional closeness
- Emotional pleasure
- Companionship, friendships & love
- Sexual intimacy
- Sexual pleasure
- Financial security and stability
- Respect and trust

In a healthy relationship.., if you really love the other person.., the name of the game is "compromise".. If you refer back to bargaining.., it's easy to exert control or power over someone in the short-run.., but all bargaining power is temporary.. Even with the landlord and my client.., if the landlord could afford to wait.., he wouldn't be willing to tolerate my sh*t.., he would wait for the 6 months to run out.., take his losses.., and rent it to someone else.. He just didn't like my client's face.., he wanted him out! But because I was well-aware of his financial situation thanks to public records.., and I didn't exactly "love" him or give a sh*t about his happiness in the long-run.., I wanted to selfishly put my client in the best possible position.., and negotiate a 10 year lease..

In any relationship.., you're going to come across conflict.. I personally don't have the patience to resolve it.., at least not yet.., I'm working on it.. My way of handling conflict isn't bargaining.., I bargain and negotiate all day long at work.., I'm not in a relationship with someone else to do the same.. If I was looking to do the same.., I'd rather be in a relationship with my work.., it's a lot less demanding and a lot more rewarding.. So when conflict comes around.., you have 4 choices:

- Bend over
- Bargain
- Compromise
- Disengage

Bending over is you forgoing your own needs and wants so you can make the other person happy.. Giving up your own pleasure.., or perhaps bearing displeasure to make the other person feel good.. That's not always a bad thing.., but it starts to turn into a bad thing when it's no longer done intermittently.., but consistently.. A relationship is between two people.., not one.. Unless both people are happy and satisfied.., in the long-run.., you can expect things to fall apart.. So if you desire someone who will bend over.., you are already cheating yourself by setting yourself up for disaster..

Bargaining takes place through threat values.. Let's say I get back from work and want dinner to be cooked and the whole place to be clean.., and let's say my girlfriend is lazy and just wants to sit around all day.. I can either be direct with her and tell her.., "unless you start cooking and cleaning.., we're not going to have sex anymore".., or I can try and avoid her hostile reaction to that and go for something more indirect.. Every time she'll want to have sex.., I'll just tell her that I'm tired.., or not in the mood.., or that I have something to do.., or that my penis hurts.., or that I forgot to take my medication and supplements.., or that we're out of condoms.., I'll make up anything I have to.. If there's a position she likes or something she enjoys when I do.., I simply won't do it anymore until she gets the hint and start cooking and cleaning.. And I can do this.., because if I were to sit down an compromise.., maybe I would have to do something in return for her cooking and cleaning.. Because I don't want to do that.., I simply deny things that make her happy until she gives in.. Eventually.., it will come to the point where she is putting more into the relationship than I am.., she will grow to be unhappy.., and will leave.. So if I love her.., and want to be with her.., in the long-run.., I realize that bargaining might be tempting.., but it's not going to work in the long-run.., so actual compromise needs to take place..

Compromise.., if you plan to be with someone for 5.., 10.., 15.., 20 years.., and possibly the rest of your life.., you're going to need to learn how to live together.. Part of that means them making you happy.., but also making them happy.. Making the person you love happy should give you pleasure.. If you don't find pleasure in making the other person happy.., then you might not actually love them.. What do flowers do for me? Personally.., flowers are a waste of money.. I'd rather get her a plant that grows roses.. That's the typical guy thing to do.. Or get her a computer or laptop.., it costs more than $10 flowers.., plus it's useful.. To a guy.., unless something is useful.., it's "useless".. But therein lies the value of sh*t like flowers.. Think about the symbolic statement you're making.. "even though this sh*t is useless to me.., and I consider it a waste of money.., I know it makes you happy.., and that matters more to me than the $10 down the drain when those things dry up and die" (Good job Romeo)

Now.., things like flowers are no reason to disengage.., but if you notice that the other person is trying to bargain with you.., if you're simply not happy.., being neglected.., or they are trying to pressure you to bend over in some way.. "My family likes you.., your family likes me.., we love each other.., I don't see what the problem is! Are you afraid of commitment? Is that it? Are you that kind of guy? I thought you were a good guy.., well.., I guess I was wrong about you.. Hopefully all this guilt and trying to make you feel like a bad person will make you realize that you have to marry me".. Or break up.. Breaking up.., at least when you're younger.., is such an easy solution.. If you're not happy.., if things are unbearable.., if you're being neglected and not being treated right.., you don't have to tolerate it.., and you end things.. That's really the result of bargaining in a romantic relationship.., which is the equivalent of pooping on the relationship.., or inability to compromise.., not necessarily on the other person's part.., you could just be selfish or not willing to care about or consider how the other person feels.. In which case you just break things off and find someone else..

[GrkScorp]

So as far as sex is concerned.., it's an issue that troubles a lot of people.. It's a very touchy issue.. Maybe you're conservative.., maybe you're really religious..., maybe you're spiritual.., maybe you have low libido.., maybe you have high libido.., the biggest issue that people have regarding it is how other people feel about it.. You're quite aware how feel towards sex.., so the only anxiety or doubt you might have is towards how the other person feels towards sex..

If they don't want to have sex.., is it because that's just the way they are? Does it have anything to do with you? Do they not really love you? Do they not find you sexually attractive? Do they not find you attractive in general? Is there someone else? All of these are fair-game questions.., and it's easy to drive yourself nuts over it..

As a guy.., generally.., typically.., when your partner wants to have sex.., you don't care if you're in the mood or not.., you fcukn' get in the mood and make them happy.. For someone with anorgasmia.., there's definitely nothing in it for me when the other person is in the mood.. At least not physically.. I'd rather be sleeping.. But I get up anyway.., get pumped up on a whole bunch of crap that supposedly makes you horny.., and pretend I'm in the mood.. And it's not because I want anything in return.., and it's not because I'm afraid of losing the other person.. It's because I love the other person.., and me making them happy is all that matters.. (now.., if their sexual demands become unreasonable.., and they're interfering with my work.., or I really do desperately need to sleep and she won't let me.., though it pains me to do so.., enough is enough)

The same can be said about women.., only it doesn't just stop there.. Sex is an emotional joyride.. A surge of emotional pleasure comes from knowing you're making your partner happy.., and it goes on.. The self esteem gets validated when you feel that your partner desires and wants you.. It makes you feel attractive.., it makes you feel sexy.., it makes you feel sexually powerful.. Your partner empowers you with this intoxicating feeling.., that for that moment.., you're the object of his desire and that's why you cause him pleasure..

Most women who dress up (or down).., depending on how you want to look at it.., aren't looking to make the statement.. "I have nothing else to offer you but sex.., so hopefully if you're looking for a prostitute.., i'm your girl.., but I still feel guilty for what I'm doing.., so I don't want to feel cheap or easy.., so excuse me if I act a little disinterested and try to convince you that I have more to offer you.., I just want to feel like I'm worth more.., because feeling like a whore sucks".. Most of them do it to feel great about themselves.. Besides the male attention they get by dressing down.., they get to feel sexy.., they feel like they're the object of everyone's desire.., that every guy can't help himself.., that he's thinking about her.. (yes.., I didn't say this was really the case.., I'm just elaborating on the fantasy here)

Most young girls who become strippers don't do it for the money.. They do it because they love it.. They love how it makes them feel.. It makes them feel more attractive than other women.. It builds their self esteem.. It makes them feel hot and sexy.. They enjoy all the D/Ds and H/Ds that go in there.., they make them feel sexually powerful.., and it's a good feeling they wouldn't give up any time soon..

You might actually run into girls who get turned on when you pretend to pay them for sex.. They don't want your money.., in fact.., after you've had sex.., you can keep it.. But the thought of you doing that is sexy for some girls.. It makes them feel sexually powerful.., like you want them so badly you can't control yourself.., it makes them feel sexy and good about themselves.., it makes them feel like now they're offering themselves to you and making you happy..

[GrkScorp]

Sexual power is truly only something that D/D guys and women understand.. Most D/D women are professional strippers.., actresses.., models.., and yes.., prostitutes.. They're completely in tune with their sexuality..

Example: My father takes me to a strip club.. He immediately spots out a girl and tells me.. "her.., right there".. I'm slow.., so I didn't catch on right away.., but what he was implying is that I would be going home with her by the end of the night.. So while sitting down.., he made his case.. "19 year old girl.., she comes over here.., do you think she's looking to find her next husband here? No.., she's either looking to make some money.., or have some fun with whatever cute guy she sees and likes.. She looks at me.., she thinks.., he's older.., he looks like he has money.., he could get me a lot of nice things.., if he's naive.., I could manipulate him.., but he looks like he knows the score.., which means I'd have to accept that he would be my daddy and I'd be his whore.. Maybe she's not looking for that.. Just because she's working here doesn't give you the right to judge her.. Look at that girl right there.. She's a hustler.., but this girl.. This girl is here because she just wants to have fun and make some money on the side.. She's not a whore.., she's a stripper.. She looks at you.., 23 year old guy.., she thinks.., he has energy.., he has stamina.., he's cute and has a nice body.. That's all she wants.., and for as long as that's all you want too.., it's a beautiful thing.. You don't fcuk whores.., and you don't fall in love with strippers.., but nothing is stopping you from having your fun.." (really.., he wasn't kidding.., you don't start getting attached to strippers)

But as far as D/D males.., they know the score best.. There's nothing stopping an attractive and wealthy D/D from getting what he wants.. What he wants is a different story..

Male Sexual Power:

You have to be perfectly honest with yourself here and admit that most men.., especially true in the US.., don't have the first clue on how to be sexy.. If there was a woman reading this.., she's probably still laughing because she knows it's true.. It seems that guys are either insensitive or romantic.., but never really sexy.. So women are left to pick between the one that comes closest.., and that's of course insensitive.. (I'll get into more unforgiving detail about this later on)

Classical mythology offers two prime examples of male sexuality and the epitome of masculinity.. It starts off with Mars.., the g-d of war.. The only thing on Mars' mind was war.. There was no room for golf.., or video games.., or wrestling.., or talking about politics.., or women.. Just war.. Constantly training.., fighting.., planning.. The other character that Venus.., the g-ddess of love and sex.., couldn't keep her hands off of was Adonis.. Adonis was quite arguably the most physically attractive male that ever lived on the face of this earth.. Like Mars.., he too only had one thing on his mind.., hunting.. Adonis was one of the finest hunters.., second only to Artemis.., the g-ddess of hunting.. He would train constantly.., prefect his ability.., and hunt with passion.. Both had extreme focus.., so much so that the rest of the world around them didn't matter.., it was as if it was impossible to get through to them.. Venus couldn't resist.. Every other mortal and g-d alike would be chasing her.. Anything she wanted.., they would grant her.. But it was not the challenge of these men that fascinated her.., that whole "be a challenge" thing is complete bullsh*t that people with low self esteem eat right up so I'm not going to insult you and try to feed you such crap.. What fascinated her was what they represented to her.. These were men she had no power over.. Gorgeous men that weren't phased by her appearance or charms.., her seduction had no effect on them.., all she knew is that she wanted them.., and it drove her nuts that she couldn't have them.. Her attraction for them grew because of their strong character.. She had to win them over and entice them with more than her beauty or sexuality.., so for Venus.., these men allowed her to feel that rare instance of being more than a sexual g-ddess.. On top of that.., Venus was of the few women Mars slept with.., and the only woman who was able to sleep with Adonis.., she felt like a sexual winner.., like she was one of the few women who had the opportunity to.., okay.., we get the point..

I like to think about things starting from the top.., and then going down..

Supermodel knockout 10s.., the kind of women you don't even see in magazines or television.. The kind of beauty you can't even imagine.., yet it rests right in front of you.. They legitimately feel.., not just as a product of their ego or need for good self esteem.., they really feel like Venus.. Everything is perfect.., they have perfectly tanned skin.., smooth.., no wrinkles or stretch marks.., huge perfectly shaped tits with nipples that don't look weird.., fit and toned stomach.., gorgeous hips and waist.., sexy little butt.., long and thin legs that aren't a bit flabby and are in great shape.., stunning face.., hypnotic eyes.., angel hair.., feminine lips.., in terms of looks.., she has it all.. And because of her looks.., every D/D & H/D wants her.. She might have sex with D/Ds.., but the only way she'll ever settle for an H/D is if he makes it worth her while.. That is to say.., she's not really attracted to him.., and unless she really loves him.., then he better have money.. She'll feel no shame in it.. If he's desperate.., then he's easily manipulated and will kiss her ass just to win her over.. If he's not easily manipulated.., then she'll have to accept that he knows this is basically prostitution.., which would make him her daddy.., and she would have to be his whore.. For as long as they're both okay with that and feel no shame.., then anything goes..

What about H/Hs? While the H/H might genuinely have a romantic interest in her.., for all she can tell.., he's just an H/D trying to get into her pants.. In fact.., unbeknown to him.., because he's completely naive.., like a child.., and has this hopeless romantic idealized concept of love and this perfect world in his mind.., he takes the way she acts and behaves "as is".. That means.., he thinks that everything she says or does is true.., that she is "thinking" exactly how she "appears" to be.. When she acts upset.., he might just think that the gentlemanly thing to do is to be her emotional tampon and bend over backwards for her.. When she has a problem.., be might just rush over to help her in any way he can.. The H/H is emotionally attached.., but because she has mistaken him as an H/D.., from "her" point of view.., this guy is a desperate loser who is seriously trying too hard to get laid.. She's flattered.., but she thinks his interest in her is purely sexual.., which makes her feel like she has control over him and can walk all over him.., and "poof" there goes her interest in the H/H..

[GrkScorp]

D/Ds & D/Hs on 10s..

Let's get one thing strait about the D/D.., he can afford to have anyone he wants.. If it's not going to be "this" particular 10.., then it's going to be someone else.. The only difference between the D/D and the D/H is that the D/H wants "this" particular 10.., but he just doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve.. Not because he wants to pretend he's not interested in her.., but because he's aware that she might mistaken his intentions through her defensive and guarded nature.., or even because of an ego spike or desire for good self esteem.., as unattractive or as something else..

So when a D/D or D/H start off.., they do so lightly.. If she's with someone else.., they exchange attention between her and the other person evenly.. In fact.., if he feels that she's a little full of herself.., he actually gives her friend a little bit more attention.. This puts her at ease.. She can tell that this guy isn't here to hit on her or keep pushing.., of course she still thinks he wants to get into her pants.., but that's because all women think you want to get into their pants.. Don't waste your time crushing their ego or self esteem.., just accept it as a given and just deal with it..

After you open up casually.., the same as you would if you would meet two total strangers.., something like.. "Hey.., were you the person in the bus this morning talking about McCain? Are you sure? Weird.., there was someone in the bus this morning who looked just like.., and wearing the exact same thing too! I know you're lying.., I just saw you smirk! See! There you go again! Well.., who are you going to vote for anyway? Hmm.. Hey.., I didn't say anything.. I'm still undecided.. Yeah.., I'm serious.. On one hand.., Obama blah blah blah.., but on the other hand.., I really like what you said about McCain.."

You're going to know how things are going after the first two minutes of talking.., and during the first two minutes of talking.., you have to be doing most of the talking.., most of the baiting.., most of the hooking.. If she's not responding.., after those first two minutes.., then just move along and learn to profile better for next time.. You should be able to tell who is single.., how someone is.., and how things will progress.., just by looking at them.. Don't push past 2 minutes.. If she's interested.., she really will take the opportunity to respond.. You're not fooling anyone with any gimmick.. She knows what you're up to.., she's flattered.., and if she likes you.., she'll grab onto your rope and you'll be in conversation.. So if you're nervous and being held back because you don't quite know what to say.., just remember.., "it doesn't ****n' matter what you say.., just say something"..

Flirting is a series of tests to see how he reacts:

Her: I don't know why you're so nervous.. I hope it's not because your penis is average! haha!

H/H: What? My penis isn't average..
D/D: Hey! Who told you? You know.., it's not the size of the hammer.., but the.., oh I forgot how that goes..

Her: Are you calling me fat?

H/H: No! I just meant that..
D/D: No.., I'm just calling you fat..

Her: Are you even listening to me?

H/H: Of course!
D/D: Huh? What were you saying?

The thing with the D/H is that he does this all sarcastically.., but what it communicates is that he's just having fun.. Flirting is not about "omg.., you have beautiful eyes.., you're so pretty.., I like your shoes".. That's not flirting.., that's trying to kiss ass.., and it's obvious to everyone else but the person who thinks he's being slick.. Flirting is an opportunity to show character.. It's a chance for you to see that she's fun and emotionally stable.., and a chance for her to see that you're confident and secure with yourself.. If you think you're being a gentleman or polite or you feel by being fully attentive and sensitive you're winning points.., I just want you to realize.., that to her.., instead of thinking of you as someone naive and socially retarded.., she'll just think you're insecure.., and she'll feel less attracted to you..

With 10s.., the more you try.., the deeper your grave.. Remember.., in the world of a 10.., everyone who talks to her just wants to get into her pants.. So unless she also wants to get into your pants.., to which will be fairly obvious.., she doesn't want to bother with you.. The only reason she would bother with you if she doesn't want to get into your pants.., is (1) friendship.., which is fine.., for as long as that's all your looking for from her.., or (2) to manipulate you if she feels you're desperate and she either wants you to do or get things for her or simply just wants to feel good about herself by feeling like she has control over you..

If you're an H/D.., then you're genuinely being manipulated.. H/Ds get frustrated.., but H/Hs get heartbroken.. The difference is that she thought the control she had over you was because you thought she was hot.., that you just liked the way she looked and wanted to have sex with her.. So when she's pretending she's interested in you.., smiling at you.., touching you.., complimenting and flattering you.., acting emotional or in need of help.., teasing you.., making sexual implications or innuendos.., or even fooling around with you.. The H/D is thinking.., "finally!".., the H/H is thinking.., "I wonder if she likes me".. Both however are viewed the same way.. She sees them as desperate and just trying to get into her pants.. That's right.., what the H/H considers respect towards her.., is actually working against him.., at least outside the relationship.., inside the relationship is an other story..

That's the problem with the H/H.., he can't see the difference.. He wants to fulfill his idealized love fantasy so badly.., that when he finds that one person.., there's an orgy of gentlemanly and romance that comes out of him.., and unfortunately for him.., to her it just looks like he's a desperate loser just trying to kiss her ass..

D/Ds & D/Hs continue to flirt.., and any kind of interest she shows towards him is taken as fake.. To avoid any misunderstandings.., even if she's sucking his d*ck.., he's not exactly too moved.. A smile is fake.., a laugh is fake.., a touch is calculated.., and unfortunately.., most of the times.., it's just an act on her part.., so following this assumption isn't too far from the reality of things.. His lack of response to her sexual interest.., and even his resistance to her advances and escalation make her feel safe and secure.. She can tell he's mildly interested in her.., but it's not clear exactly how interested he is.. When she acts flirty or sexual.., he doesn't get more responsive.., so it has no effect on him.. Curious.. Is he gay? Is he taken? Married? What's the deal?

[GrkScorp]

D/Ds and D/Hs have just naturally been with others just like her.., at least physically.. So they've been desensitized to the way she looks.., and quite familiar with all her tactics.. The D/D just doesn't want to start off on the wrong foot.., while the D/H is looking for something more.. At this point.., their respective tactics split..

The D/D starts to reward her.. He starts to make her feel attractive and sexually powerful.. He starts to give her more and more noticeable hints of interest.. Then he just pretends to have his gaze casually slip over to other women.. He's playing on her self esteem.. He's counting on the fact that she just invested the last half hour or hours or days or how ever long it was.., just to get him interested in her.., and now she doesn't want to put on such a strong face so as to drive him away.. Fear of loss literally motivates her towards him..

The D/H takes a completely different take on it.. He might be putting up the front.., but he's looking for something long term with her.. Yes.., that's right.., he's had and can have women just like her sexually.., but he wants "her".. The name of his game is genuine "appreciation"..

What do women want? Are you ready for this one? Given between a big monster c0ck and an endless wallet.., which one do they want? It doesn't matter.., because given between those two and being appreciated.., they'll always pick the latter.. The D/H feels genuine compassion and understanding towards her situation.., he sees something inside of her that he can't help but fall in love with.., and he's not afraid to appreciate her..

He doesn't try hard.. There's no need for him to try and impress anyone.. He's confident she'll like him for who he is.., and as she discovers and learns more about him.., she'll like him even more.. He doesn't try to sell himself.. And he knows when it's wise to not be perfectly honest! If she asks how many girlfriends he's had in the past or how many other women he's slept with.., he's quite aware that it would be like poison for her self esteem in the long-run.., so it's always a number between 2-4.., always.. He's secure enough to make that kind of choice.. He knows that he doesn't have to tell her so that she can tell he's experienced.. She's able to tell that on her own.., she doesn't need to know how many other people he's been with..

But really.., the kryptonite in his technique is how he appreciates her.. Other men have either made her feel like they didn't care about her or were just desperate losers trying to get into her pants.. Without saying a word.., she knows.., she can tell.., he can have anyone else.., but chose "her".. And he's fully aware why he chose her.., and isn't afraid to communicate it and let her know.. Is the D/H a player? Yes and no..

Let's be real.. His appearance is dishonest.. That tough manly exterior is hiding a big softy underneath.. The same child that lurks within the H/H.. But he offers the sex appeal of the D/D.., and the genuine appreciation and love of an H/H.. When women pick the @sshole.., they're hoping to get him to be this kind of guy..

He let's her know implicitly.., that he's not that kind of guy.., that he's not desperate.., but he's not looking to use her just for sex either.. He has his own way of putting her at ease.. By being unaffected by her sexual attempts and escalation.., by reacting in a funny and sarcastic way to her and showing her that he's strong and secure.., by taking the lead and leading her and making her feel safe and secure enough to follow.., and then by appreciating her to letting her know that this isn't a journey that's going to end.., but one that just started..

[GrkScorp]

So up until now.., it was largely a mystery.. You believed.., or rather.., you were convinced.., that women were this strange and mystical animal.. Like white people are any more of a mystery than non-whites.., Like men are any more or less of a mystery than women.. It's easy to let your mind go on and on and on as it soars through imagination and tries to find more depth when there is in fact none.. Trust me.., that's the end of the road.. That's why I like to start from top to bottom..

Now.., we look at looks when going from top to bottom.., because looks have the effect of making guys feel that she's probably full of herself.. It comes to the point where her looks actually start working against her.., at least in terms of the guys who are looking for a relationship.. Some guys might even feel intimidated.., "oh she'd never like someone like me".. And let's be honest here.., yeah.., that's true.. If she's just looking to have fun.., then no.., there will always be someone better looking out there.. That's the same case for both of you.. But if you profile her correctly.., and want to start a relationship.., then the truth is.., these are her criteria:

- Not ugly
- Not broke

I'm dead serious.. It's not something anyone wants to admit to.., maybe because we like to pretend we have unreasonably high standards just to feel better about ourselves.. But the needs of quality people are geared towards emotional compatibility.. Once that connection is there.., the rest is all quite meaningless..

Take for instance husbands who love their wives.. In the beginning.., she thought he probably just wanted to get into her pants.., they dated.., carried on in a relationship.., ended up getting married.., and years later.., she's not the babe she once was.. But for some strange reason.., he still wants to have sex with her.. Sure.., her looks have faded.., but it doesn't change the fact that it's his wife.., and he just feels stronger about her now than he did when they first met..

Here is what that feeling holding you back boils down to:

- Lack of understanding of the opposite sex
- Limiting beliefs about the opposite sex
- Limiting beliefs about yourself
- Uncertainty about your feelings and motivations

Hopefully.., you can accept that men and women are the same animal.. If you can learn to form genuine friendships with women.., the way you can with men.., that's going to dramatically change the way you feel towards them.. You're going to notice yourself being a lot less nervous.., a lot more comfortable.., and more certain about how they feel towards you..

I think the biggest limiting beliefs guys have about girls is:

1. They're just interested in your money
2. They don't enjoy sex
3. They're controlling and manipulative

Well.., yes and no.. There are an equal amount of angels and devils in each gender.. The same way there are men who are just interested in a woman for her money (I'm not kidding you).., is the same way there are women who will look at a guy and just want to get to his money.. The good news is.., that's a natural urge that arises not from being "female".., but from failing to establish a sense of safety and security on her own.. Refer back to the hierarchy of needs.. If her needs for safety and security aren't met yet.., then she's looking for a daddy more than she is for companionship and love.. When you're dealing with poorer women who are not really independent or doing anything with their lives.., you can expect this.. The biggest red flag is a woman who feels insecure about her financial abilities and feels the need to convince you or tell you how "independent" she is..

Not enjoying sex? First of all.., the largest growing complaint in the porn industry is by women who are unhappy about the lack of porn there is that's targeted towards women.. How many plastic vaginas get sold in the US.., and how many dildos and vibrators get sold in the US? Let's get one thing strait here.., just because it's not socially acceptable for a woman to openly express her sexuality.., doesn't mean she's not sexual.. You really have to come to understand what kind of social pressure applies to women.., that doesn't apply to you in this area.. In fact.., as a guy.., you actually have pressure to over-exaggerate your sexuality out of fear of being labeled gay.. You pretend you're more sexual than you actually are.. Socially accepted humor allows you to just go with the flow and even use it as a means of being funny.. But truth be told.., you may not really be the type of person to want to sleep around with multiple women.., go to strip clubs or whore houses at all.. But that doesn't stop you from being one of the guys.., you associate it with how masculine you are.. The same way little girls will swear up and down that they never fart.., and when they do.., once a year.., it smells like roses.., is the same way you can expect them to be ladylike and exclaim with a passionate conviction that they just don't like sex as much.. Why?

Let's go back to bargaining for a moment.. If me and you are friends.., regardless of gender.., and we love each other and want to have sex.., all else constant.., controlling for social pressures.., we're going to go ahead and have sex.. But if one of us is insecure.., if one of us needs to feel a sense of safety and security.., a sense of control over the other person.., then what will I tell you regarding sex? Logically.., what could I tell you? That I simply don't enjoy it as much as you do.., and that I do it mostly for you.. If the social constructs work in my favor.., then I can get away with it.., you'll believe me.., and you'll feel that sex is something that I do for you.. I have just successfully convinced and persuaded you that I'm basically doing you a favor.. I want you to think about that.. All I had to do was deny my desires.., belittle the pleasure you give to me.., and have you sit there and be completely honest about the way you feel.. For as long as you feel I'm being honest.., I've just gained bargaining power.. If you ever get fed that argument.., then you should leave.. Not out of spite.., but out of genuine "incompatibility".. If you do enjoy sex and she doesn't.., and she's being honest.., then you have to agree that the two of you aren't a match..

Controlling and manipulative behavior has no other cause other than insecurity that motivates it to occur.. Some of that insecurity can be comforted by you.. In other words.., she might feel like she's not pretty.., like she has the same extra 5lbs that all other women feel they have.., that you might leave her for someone else.., that you might find someone better looking and cheat on her.., that you don't really love her.., etc.. Women are just insecure.., deal with it.. The way you deal with it.., is by comforting any genuine insecurities she might have.. If you're looking at porn all day but not having sex with her.., you're not working wonders for her self esteem.. If you're flirting with other girls or trying to make her jealous.., you're pretty insecure yourself.. During a relationship.., if you chose to be with her.., then you have to be clear as day that you mean it.. There are of course hopeless cases.. Women who are convinced that men are scum and are incapable of love and not worthy of trusting.. It does take some time to figure out that you're dealing with insecurities that are permanent.. If that's the case.., run..

[GrkScorp]

- Limiting beliefs about yourself
- Uncertainty about your feelings and motivations

A guy's self esteem doesn't come from things he feeds himself.. In fact.., just the act of trying to feed himself something works again his self esteem.. He can't tell himself he's pretty.., or the best looking guy in the world.. He can't tell himself he's great in sex.., or successful.. He can't tell himself that he has a nice body or cute face.. He can't tell himself he's classy and sophisticated.. And he can't tell himself he's a strong powerful man.., unless in fact he "actually" is all those things..

A guy's self esteem is tied closely with his accomplishments.. Guys have the need to build or make things.. They want to create something.., to say.., "look.., I made that" or "I did that".. Some guys work with their hands.., others work with their head.. Whatever your achievements are.., they ultimately drive your sense of who you are.., and your sense of self worth.. Nobody can come in and tell you that you didn't really increase sales by 8% last quarter.., or that you didn't graduate Summa Cum Laude.., or that you didn't get your Master's degree.., or that you didn't bench 200lbs.. For as long as you have actual accomplishments.., your self esteem is a solid rock that nobody can really come in and shake..

Just as well as you understand others now.., is the same level of certainty and understanding you should have of your own self.. Who are you? Tell me who you are in three lines.., start working on that elevator resume'.. What are your goals in life? What drives you? Where do you want to be 5 years from now? How do you plan on getting there? What are some things you're proud about? What are some things you'd rather not think about? You have to know yourself.., because the more aware you are of yourself.., and the more content and happier you are with it after fully understanding it.., the more confidence you naturally project..

Do you remember the three layers to people?

Unconscious --> Conscious --> External

Confidence isn't external.. It's very easy to spot out a guy or girl who is trying to "be" confident.. Confidence isn't even a conscious process.. You don't "act" confident.. Confidence is completely unconscious.. And as you become more comfortable and confident with yourself.., it will naturally seep through and appear externally to others.. The same way you unconsciously register the unconscious communication of others.., is the same way others will pick up on your own unconscious communication.. The female unconscious mind is much larger than yours.. While you might not even be aware of why you feel the way you do.., most women are able to get a vague sense of "vibes".. The genuine female intuition is her ability to listen to her unconscious mind.. For as long as she doesn't allow her conscious mind to take over or kick in.., for as long as she doesn't start to mix the two up.., emote or rationalize.., those pure and uncorrupted vibes she picks up are the unconscious signals that everyone expresses.. They're beyond your conscious control.., which means they can't be false.., you can't control them.., and you most certainly can't fake them..

When you can feel yourself being attracted to someone.., there's a good reason you feel that nervousness inside.. Your mind is doing a little reality check.. The first thing it actually asks itself.., whether you're aware of it or not.., is if you're even ready to be in a relationship! That's right! It does its own little mini self assessment.., if you're emotionally ready.., if you're financially ready.., and if your intentions are genuine.. Conflict with any of these either creates guilt or anxiety.. You want to proceed but you know you shouldn't.. Uncertainty about any of these causes you to feel nervous.. You're not sure.., so there may exist the possibility that you aren't ready.. If you're not ready.., you may not be the only one who will be the judge of that.. You can imagine the kinds of emotions in place when you are even thinking of putting yourself in a situation you're not ready to deal with..

It's really that first initial phase.., from strangers to conversation.. Breaking the ice though.., whether you like it or not.., is your job.. Most guys dread it.., but to be quite honest.., think of it this way.. There's someone out there standing or sitting somewhere who's pretending to be out tonight to "just dance" or "just have fun" or "just go out" or whatever other story she wants to hide behind.. That's fine.., but there are guys besides yourself who would fall in love with her if she's really not just an attractive person.., but an amazing person.. The only thing holding those guys back is fear and uncertainty.. The good news is.., she's too afraid herself to go up and talk to any of them.. On top of her fear.., she's also too proud to be the one to initiate.. In her mind.., the guys will have to be initiating with her.., not the other way around.. It's them that have to chase her and want her.. Yes.., I know.., but do play along.. So these forces are in place.., and if you have that level of certainty and understanding.., you can walk right by them.. You can go right up to her.., do her the favor of making her feel good about herself.., give her the opportunity to put up a little resistance so she doesn't feel cheap or easy.., and then just get to know her better.. That whole part that holds people back.., is a one to two hour ordeal..

I want you to go out tonight after you're done reading this.., and find complete strangers.., and they have to be men.., that's right.., guys.., and I want you to hit on guys all night.. Just open up a conversation.. Learn how to open up a conversation.. What are you afraid of? Being rejected by a guy? Please do tell me how you're any worse off by having some guy think you're weird.. Unless you were planning to start a romantic relationship with him.. So just walk into a bar or club.., or a cafe'.., or on a packed street or store.., and stop being that silent quiet guy.., start being a little bit more animated.., more vocal.., louder.., have something to say and start being more friendly.., interactive and social.. I promise you.., you'll live long enough to come back and tell the tale..

The point of that is so you hopefully realize that the majority of your anxiety and nervousness doesn't have anything to do with women.., and has more to do with the way you interact with people in a social setting in general.. The more comfortable you get with starting a conversation with complete strangers in general.., the more comfortable you'll be with talking to anyone under any situation..

[GrkScorp]

We've come a long way.. You've become more aware towards a lot of things.., but more importantly.., your reading speed has probably doubled by now..

This next part is devoted to profiling..

Do you believe in love at first sight?



Yeah.., not really.. But what is more likely the case is "like" at first sight.. When you fail to disqualify someone.., and the more you try.., the more you fail to disqualify them again.. It comes to the point where you do want to know more about them.. They don't seem arrogant.., they don't seem insecure or manipulative.., they don't seem full of themselves.., they seen nice and sweet.., they look fun.., they're not ugly.., they know how to dress.., so thus far there's a good chance there's some potential..



Woah dude! Wtf? That chick has no hair! Does she have cancer or something? Next! Well.., wait.., not so fast..



This was her just moments ago.., German neurology girl.., smart.., she's not ugly.., the only question that still remains is if she's boring and dull or fun and interesting..



I want you to think about something right now.. Look at her face.., look what's going on.. Her hair is being cut off! This is personally the kind of sh*t that wins me over and makes me melt inside.. You can tell that she's confident and secure with herself.., she's cool and relaxed.., knows how to enjoy things and have a great time.., so you could definitely see her as someone fun.., and by talking to her.., you'd be able to see that's she's interesting.. How do you know what you feel for her is genuine.., well.., if you still feel the same way about her with her head shaved.., you know it's love.. In case it wasn't obvious.., very few strait girls would be that comfortable with their hair being shaved off.. This girl is bisexual..



Oh.., where do we start? First of all.., it's immediately clear that the leader of this little clique is Yellow.. Black has low self esteem and is looking for sex as a means to feel good about herself.. Green is a nottie who has to sit there and watch as her two other friends dominate male attention.. It pisses her off and she's most likely going to be a road-block in this kind of dynamic.. That's the immediate instinct that pops up.. Like a hunter sizing up a pack of sheep..

The next step is to ask yourself.., okay.., are any of these girls worth it? The answer should be obvious.., no.. Yellow has her head in the clouds.., and although she's doing a great job of trying to look composed.., it's pretty evident that she's selfish.., is unable to consider anything outside of what "she" wants.., so getting into an indentured servitude relationship with a me-me-me girl doesn't seem to appealing.. Greene is just bitter and miserable.. Although she might be able to let go of most of that bitterness she holds.., she'll always feel inferior to her friends in some way.., and that will most likely create the urge for her to want to feel better than them later on.., and nobody wants to deal with high or unrealistic demands and expectations.. Black is clearly trying to pull male sexual attention away from Yellow.. Yellow is still dominant.., but Black still needs to feel good about herself.. Her face reeks of someone naive.., so not likely to run into games.., just coyness and teasing so she can get the self esteem boost she needs.. One thing that's obvious is that she's the type of girl who thinks a guy is going to stay with her because of sex.. Since I'm personally not feeling the connection and she's nowhere near my type.., I would pass.. If you're feeling bored.., play a video game or go drinking or something.., don't start a relationship with someone like that..



That's all she is.., congrats.. That's who you'll have to walk around and present as your girlfriend.., to your friends and family.., to your coworkers.. If that's a close reflection of who you are and what your family stands for.., then by all means.., go ahead.. I don't want to judge her by the way she dresses.., but this is clearly someone that only has sex to offer you..



Sure.., if you're really that bored with your life.., or desperate.., the idea of coming back home to this every day might start to make sense to you.. You might not see anything wrong with it.. But you have to take a step back.., and be honest to yourself.. Is this someone you can see yourself marrying? If not.., then why would you want to be in a relationship with them? If they want to be in a relationship.., don't you think you should end things now before someone gets hurt? If you carelessly ignore this little detail.., you'll be getting yourself into a relationship you don't intend to have work out in the long-run.. You'll knowingly be dating someone you have already disqualified as marriage material! It's one thing to not know if you want to marry them yet.., it's one thing to not be ready to get married yet.., but dating someone you've already disqualified as marriage material is just wrong.. That's very low of anyone to do.., man or woman.. So don't let that be you..

[GrkScorp]

You're a guy.., she's a girl.. The two of you are destined to meet.., come together.., fall in love.., have sex.., get married.., have sex again.., decide to have kids.., have sex for the last time.., and then start a family together..

She is to you.., what you are to her.. And on that note.., please don't be fooled by anyone's composure and poise.. She's just as nervous as you.. If she wasn't as nervous as you.., she wouldn't be waiting for you to initiate and get things going.. She wouldn't be waiting for you to escalate and lead her..

[url]http://s306.photobucket.com/albums/nn250/SummaFelix/Post%20Supplements/?action=view&current=aus2.jpg[/url]

Behind those eyes.., is a mind just like yours.. It has feelings and thoughts just like yours.. But unlike yours.., the lack of testosterone doesn't inhibit the way it feels emotions.. It simply feels things to a greater degree than you do.. It feels fear stronger than you.., it feels love deeper than you do.., that doesn't mean that you don't feel love.., it just means that imagine what you feel.., just a little bit stronger.. So one thing it's looking for.., is someone to lead.., someone she both wants to follow.., and feels safe enough to follow.., for as long as he knows where he's going.., and can lead her.. For as long as he can do that.., she'll follow..

Dominance & Submission..

No.., I'm not talking about stochastic dominance.., and I'm not talking about some S&M type of thing here.. I'm talking about who takes the lead.., and who follows.. It wasn't long until people realized there was only so much they could do as individuals.. As soon as pack and social groups formed.., the interaction between these people created a social dynamic.. There was a leader.., and there were followers..

When you walk inside a corporate office building.., and a member of the board invites you to go out to lunch.., who is in the dominant position? As of yet.., nobody.. Now.., let's assume that after lunch.., he picks up the bill.. Who is in the dominant position? You must admit.., that to some degree.., you have already submitted to his dominance.. You don't necessarily owe him anything.., and that's not why he paid.. But even between two men.., you have now accepted him as the leader.. He's in control and in charge..

I know.. It seems quite macho.., so to dispel that sentiment.., let's think about a tea party! You and the boys come to a tea party.. Around you are different guys.. Some taller.., some shorter.., some thinner.., some thicker.., some more built.., some smarter.., some more well-dressed.., some clearly more successful than others.. Who the hell is the dominant one? Who is the leader? As you think about that.., consider something else..

When you walk inside a room.., or a bus.., or some kind of space.., you make eye contact with guys.. Are you the first to break eye contact or do they break it first? Why? Do you feel slightly intimidated by any of them? This is all pretty primal stuff.. There are subtle cues that even socially clueless men are very aware of.. It's as clear as day as to who the leader of a group is.., or who is dominant and in charge of an interaction and who is simply submissive..

So how is dominance established? Dominance is established through either intimidation.., or being overpowered.. When two dogs meet in the park.., the little dog is always the first one to bark.. In fact it puts on quite a show.. It tries its best to intimidate the larger dog.., and the funniest sight in the world is just seeing these little dogs go at it.. Larger dogs either ignore.., or they might overpower the little doggy.. When that happens.., there's no question about who will have to submit and who is dominant..

With men.., the stronger male is the dominant male.., the more successful male is the dominant male.., the smarter male is the dominant male.., the more socially intelligent male is the dominant male.., because in the areas where they excess.., others will have to concede.., and submit to his power..

If you think women in the US are giving you a hard time.., European women are a lot more fun.. They will borderline insult you.., playfully reject you and see if you catch on.., but eventually.., they have no choice but to surrender completely to your overwhelming power and masculine force..