Thoughts on dating women with kids

[Zilla80]

Do you think LadieNisha and LovePotion should be dating?

[Justsomeone22]

Not that race is an issue but the mother I am talking about is white as am I and she had her son with an African American. So that makes it a little more vulnerable of a situation...now she also says that she isn't looking for anything to serious but loves the company...so we have a little date I suppose on Monday. Figure we'd catch a movie first then get dinner if she was still feeling it. She said she was sure we'd be having dinner. This girl is breathtakingly gorgeous...not saying it just because I have a chance I was saying it months ago when I was just looking and didn't have a chance..I'm really excited to see how Monday plays out. I hope you can figure your situation out man, take her out and show her a good time...You'll either fall for each other real well or become great friends...Either way you both win.

[ecojeanne]

You are right that it isn't fun for kids whose fathers aren't around, but mom dating makes things worse. Do you have kids, eco? I am guessing not, because it is rather obvious that there are significant differences in the psyche of many children whose mothers are preoccupied with dating. Sorry, but there just are. You may wish to argue that those differences are positive, but I would simply disagree.

It’s interesting that you use the word ‘preoccupied’. The thing is most single mothers are nothing of the sort. You know what preoccupies their mind?? Is their kid ok? Will they grow up to be ok? What if I die who will take care of them? Is the child happy? What can I do to make sure they are safe and happy? I wish things had worked with the father so that we could have lived happily ever after with the white picket fence, was it my fault? (even tho it obviously wasn’t) ….ooohh the constant guilt and worry……this is what a single mom laments over constantly.

and I hate to break it to all the lads out there but chances are; you may get your heart broken coz the child does come first!.....some guys can’t handle that…..you need to take it slow and go by her rules but it can be great freedom on both sides…… and what’s wrong with a single mom getting some attention from someone else other than her kid? (the child who knows NOTHING about any men she might date or in some cases ‘use’ I might add)

Vashti your opinion comes across as ignorant and conditioned by society and MEN. A single mom dating doesn’t make the situation worse…coz she has much more to lose by being stupid about it. It’s a concept you’ll never understand.

of course there are some stupid mothers, there is no denying it but for christs sake most are not stupid, having a child changes everything about their aproach to life and men.

anyway zilla date the girl but take it slow

[vashti]

I'm curious then, in your opinion how do single mom's ever find love again? Or do they not? Is the rest of the life devoted to being the only parent to their children? Do they have to wait until they kids are all 18 and out the house?

It depends on their priorities. Young children require much more from their mothers than older children, and time is an issue. Even when they are older, their psychological states should be considered before a mother dates. Many kids have trouble with their mothers dating. That's pretty much common knowledge. I personally wouldn't date until my kids were much older, and even then, I would keep it limited and private until such time I thought permanency was likely, and I would maintain this stance until my child was grown and out of the house.

I just fail to see your logic here. I am interested to get to know a girl better who has 2 kids and you tell me because I'm not ready to become a surrogate father to kids I haven't even met yet I shouldn't bother at all??

Didn't you say you are in your early 20s with no children of your own? Just by virtue of your age and lack of experience, it is my opinion you are not ready to deal with what you are apparently intent on doing. This I say because I have experience in this area, not because I think there is anything deficient in you. I have raised kids that weren't mine, and it's really difficult, even though the ones I raised were *good* kids.

But whatever. It's your life, and it sounds like you know exactly what you want to do. Many young single moms are willing to date around, so it is possible she will, too. Who knows? You may even be the one who beats the odds. Maybe you can date her when the kids are off visiting their father every other weekend.

eco - you are clearly having some sort of emotional reaction to a differing opinion, and I 'm not sure what to make of your hysteria. However, I will say that my opinions were FAR from being "conditioned by men". My opinions come from raising children and watching my peers go through the marriage & children --> divorce and dating cycle, in addition to observing and tutoring children of dating moms in school. I used to think like you, but my feelings about this subject have evolved. You are entitled to your opinion, even though it is focused entirely on the mother and not at all on the long term effects on the child.

[ecojeanne]

vashti i know what i'm talking about not coz i'm a single mom but because i have been closely and very much involved on a daily basis with a single mom so i truly know what goes thru their mind and tbo how lonely and horny they can be, it's simply down to that, it might be crude but i tell ya if the kids are not affected and have no knowledge then there is absolutely nothing wrong with single mom's dating. it has to be done very carefully of course. and the priority never changes...the child always comes first.

[misombra]

get used to the words, "you're not my daddy!"

seriously it's hard to even be friends with someone with kids. i had a friend who let her son run wild and he was a manipulative little shit. a lot of tension ensued in our friendship because of it. in fact it's a lot of the reason we don't talk anymore.

[ecojeanne]

get used to the words, "you're not my daddy!"

seriously it's hard to even be friends with someone with kids. i had a friend who let her son run wild and he was a manipulative little shit. a lot of tension ensued in our friendship because of it. in fact it's a lot of the reason we don't talk anymore.

ye mis i agree it is hard for single mom's to maintain friends. the single mom i was referring to told me once when she had the baby it really showed her who her true friends were by who stuck with it and made the effort to come see her when she couldn't get out. lots of her friends faded away. i'm not at all sayin this about you mis, but overall yes single mom's have it tougher, they don't have a husband to fall back on and feel comforted by. it's a really tough existence that society doesn't tend to understand as much as they should.

[misombra]

are you a single mom, eco?

[starbuck]

I don't think anyone is saying that single moms can't date. But I think there has to be a big difference between the way single moms date and single non-moms date.

A single mom's dating mistake (we all make them) affects more than just her. There is an effect on the child, too. If I make a stupid mistake, there is no risk of suffering to someone else.

[Zilla80]

It depends on their priorities. Young children require much more from their mothers than older children, and time is an issue. Even when they are older, their psychological states should be considered before a mother dates. Many kids have trouble with their mothers dating. That's pretty much common knowledge. I personally wouldn't date until my kids were much older, and even then, I would keep it limited and private until such time I thought permanency was likely, and I would maintain this stance until my child was grown and out of the house.



Didn't you say you are in your early 20s with no children of your own? Just by virtue of your age and lack of experience, it is my opinion you are not ready to deal with what you are apparently intent on doing. This I say because I have experience in this area, not because I think there is anything deficient in you. I have raised kids that weren't mine, and it's really difficult, even though the ones I raised were *good* kids.

But whatever. It's your life, and it sounds like you know exactly what you want to do. Many young single moms are willing to date around, so it is possible she will, too. Who knows? You may even be the one who beats the odds. Maybe you can date her when the kids are off visiting their father every other weekend.

eco - you are clearly having some sort of emotional reaction to a differing opinion, and I 'm not sure what to make of your hysteria. However, I will say that my opinions were FAR from being "conditioned by men". My opinions come from raising children and watching my peers go through the marriage & children --> divorce and dating cycle, in addition to observing and tutoring children of dating moms in school. I used to think like you, but my feelings about this subject have evolved. You are entitled to your opinion, even though it is focused entirely on the mother and not at all on the long term effects on the child.

Thank you for your insight.

[lesa]

My goodness! Too many issues. I don't want kids. That is all.

[Only-virgins]

Kids = deal breaker
Biologically my kids = my full devotion to their well being and the mother's.

it's a very respectable thing to see someone raise someone else's kid.

Maybe from the point of view of a chump. Only a chump can see chumps work respectable. I'm sure you tell yourself all kinds of pathetic excuses because you are so desperate to be with this women, what ever helps you sleep at night I guess.

just want to see what could happen given our little history of everything seeming so right between us except the timing.

Ah but you see, timing is everything. I'm sure you have heard that before.

[IndiReloaded]

You are right that it isn't fun for kids whose fathers aren't around, but mom dating makes things worse. Do you have kids, eco? I am guessing not, because it is rather obvious that there are significant differences in the psyche of many children whose mothers are preoccupied with dating. Sorry, but there just are. You may wish to argue that those differences are positive, but I would simply disagree.

As a mother, I agree with Vashti. I'm not saying that single moms shouldn't date & have fun, but that they should be *very* careful to protect the feelings of their children. Kids come first, and not a parent on the planet would disagree.

Giga was a single mom for some while and she was very careful about this, perhaps she will post.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course, but unless you have children, its difficult to understand this perspective. Having a friend w/a kid doesn't even come close to an understanding. At the end of the day, its not your responsibility.

Zilla, just be careful, okay? Be mature & remember there is more than two adults involved.

[Zilla80]

Kids = deal breaker
Biologically my kids = my full devotion to their well being and the mother's.



Maybe from the point of view of a chump. Only a chump can see chumps work respectable. I'm sure you tell yourself all kinds of pathetic excuses because you are so desperate to be with this women, what ever helps you sleep at night I guess.




Ah but you see, timing is everything. I'm sure you have heard that before.

Haha thanks for your honesty.

I am not the biggest fan of kids so I think I will opt to not pursue anything here. Like you said, timing is everything. I don't even know if I want to bring kids into this world and I sure don't (being honest) want to raise someone else's kids. So why waste her time or mine. It's too bad the timing of everything had to be off. I was thinking it's too bad she didn't not have her kids, but truthfully if she didn't have those kids she damn sure wouldn't be single I can guarantee that.

Thanks for your opinions everyone.

[lesa]

This thread is giving me panic attacks and I feel nauseated.