I'm tired of this, I'll give up...

[Arrow]

...but I'll go down with a bang.

I'll tell the woman I love she acts two-way with me. That she claims she wants me as a friend, but turns her face away every time I look at her. It was like that tonight, when we both were at a club. I'll also tell her she's free to go to that guy who she claimed was the "straight goods" (it has his birthday party), because he's that much better than me anyway, much more extroverted, has a ton of friends, has contacts, is born to succeed and has everything I wanted to have, including this girl. She even told him she adored him when she said goodbye. I'll also tell her I was extremely hurt when I wanted to dance with her and she refused, claiming she was tired, only to dance with another guy right after. I can't take this anymore. And she can't claim I was chasing her, because I was looking at other girls, dancing with other girls...

I want to end this. I'm desperate. My life has no meaning. I'd give all my money, my everything, to be with her. I'd kill if necessary. I would do extreme things. Why is it that I must suffer in love? Why am I punished like this? I don't deserve it... I just want to be happy. To be accepted. Is it that hard?

[1averagejoe]

Is this just someone you met, someone you've been dating, or your girlfriend?

[Charlie Boy II]

You shouldn't take things like "I still want to be friends" literally. Probably she is worried that you're obsessed with her and she doesn't want to fuel the fire because she doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

I would stop trying to talk to or dance with this girl because you're just punishing yourself. Avoid seeing her at all. If you starve your infatuation of oxygen it will eventually die. That girl is not your one shot at happiness.

[Arrow]

You shouldn't take things like "I still want to be friends" literally. Probably she is worried that you're obsessed with her and she doesn't want to fuel the fire because she doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

I would stop trying to talk to or dance with this girl because you're just punishing yourself. Avoid seeing her at all. If you starve your infatuation of oxygen it will eventually die. That girl is not your one shot at happiness.

I don't take crap from anyone. She's playing with me. And that guy... I'll wage war on him, openly. I'll tell him I always envied him but there's one thing he won't have and that will be the woman I love. I'll die before they are together.

Oh and I can't stop seeing her. She's my classmate.

[Charlie Boy II]

What did the guy do??

She's not playing with you man. Maybe she's not handling a situation as well as she might have, but it doesn't sound malicious.

Are you seeing your therapist soon? Sounds like you could use some xanax or something calming.

[Arrow]

What did the guy do??

She's not playing with you man. Maybe she's not handling a situation as well as she might have, but it doesn't sound malicious.

Are you seeing your therapist soon? Sounds like you could use some xanax or something calming.

Well he didn't sound like he was reciprocating her enthusiasm (he danced with a lot of women and she did dance with a few other guys and talked to them closely) and I was the first person she said goodbye to, which is evidence she's not making a huge effort in avoiding me. But then again it was his birthday party so he (and she) wouldn't do anything compromising. And the "I adore you" part was right in front of me.

I plan to go there on Tuesday but I need some help before I do anything stupid and damaging (to myself even, as in my reputation, not suicide though). I absolutely envy this guy, he's everything I failed to become at college. If he gets the woman I'm in love with I don't know what I'll do. Friendship with him (like I sort of had) is completely out of question, in fact I'm thinking about sending him a small anonymous warning through email. I'll be hiding behind a fake email account, but he'll surely know who wrote the words.

I wanted that she said that I was the "straight goods". Seems I'm not, because of all those social problems I have and he doesn't. I'm at a disadvantage here. But, on the other hand, she doesn't give me much room for me to actually show I'm the straight goods... Neither do a lot of people.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh fercrissakes Arrow, pull your head out of your ass.

You sound like Cain did a year ago. He needed to be hit with a newspaper a few times too before he smartened up.

You are obsessing about this gal & screwing your own head up in the process. Its ONE girl for goodness sakes.

Just to put things in some perspective: people in this world fall in love, break up, get married, get divorced. Peoples partners *die* in this life, babe, and THEY SURVIVE. Most of them without getting half as nuts as you are sounding.

So stop with the "poor me" bullshit, okay? Its a much bigger world out there than your little microcosm. In 10 years, hell, in *1* year from now, you're gonna feel awful stupid about what you are contemplating. Sounds to me like she's just not that into you & she's trying to let you down easy. This gal is being nice to you & you barely deserve it, IMO. So control yourself, young padawan.

[Arrow]

Its ONE girl for goodness sakes.

Each person is different. I like her because of what she is, not only because she's a woman. If I wanted "a woman" I'd just call a prostitute over, it's easier and no further burdens.

Of course I don't want to date her only for sex, but you get the point.

[IndiReloaded]

What? You think that there is only one kind, beautiful, funny, intelligent, emotionally stable girl in the whole, wide world?

I assure you, there are plenty. I'm simply suggesting you focus your effort on one who is likewise interested in YOU. This gal you mention is not, at least not right now.

Consider this, Arrow. Lets say that you & this gal stay friends. Lets say you manage to get the right balance of admiration and detachment for this gal. If you can manage this, there is a chance that this girl might one day return your feelings months, years down the road.

But not if you make an ass of yourself now. And there is also the possibility that, at some future time, you will have found someone else to love & that this current gal becomes a true friend to you.

I don't guarantee this, of course, but I have seen it happen. If this is something you think you might like, I would suggest you really try and take a wider view of your situation.

[starbuck]

Arrow, you do sound obsessed with this girl. You really shouldn't get to the point where you'd do ANYTHING for someone. You'll open yourself up to being a doormat.

Aside from this situation, if you keep working on your self-esteem, you'll find dating to be easier (it still won't be completely easy, it never is). You sound like you have alot of inner turmoil and you think this girl is going to save you from it somehow. She's not.

[vashti]

To be honest Arrow, you sound scary and emotionally unstable. I think you should speak to a professional and stay away from this girl and the guy she is interested in. You need to learn to accept that other people's feelings matter with regards to relationships.

[Arrow]

Do you people really think she's interested in him? That would crush me. He's so much better than me anyway, more popular, more confident... That should be expected.

I hate myself for not being able to be better than him.

[Arrow]

Hmm, if I understood well, this girl is NOT your girlfriend, just your classmate, and for whatever reason you are in love with her. Have you made a move? Have you asked her out? Has she rejected you? You have no right to control other people's lives and choices. How can you even keep being interested in someone who's not interested in you in the same way?

I don't think I have to be forced to BE CONTROLLED by other people's choices...

She has said "just friends" to me before, if it makes you satisfied.

I don't understand why I have to lose to other men. I'm entitled to winning sometimes.

[starbuck]

I don't think I have to be forced to BE CONTROLLED by other people's choices...

She has said "just friends" to me before, if it makes you satisfied.

I don't understand why I have to lose to other men. I'm entitled to winning sometimes.

Where does this sense of entitlement come from, Arrow? This entitlement when it comes to dating is totally unrealistic. Dating isn't fair, much like most things in life. We can only make our choices, and then move on when things don't go our way.

If you don't like how things are going with this girl, the best solution is to move on to a new girl. You actually do have to respect her boundaries if she's brushing you off.

[Arrow]

You misread my post. What I wanted to tell you is that you don't have the right to control whom she'll pick to date. It's her choice.



Did she say this when you asked her out? If so, then she *doesn't* want you as a b/f.



In general, everybody's entitled to winning sometimes. But no is a no, so if she's already rejected you, respect her decision and move on.

I'll be very honest with you: my counsellor has said I'm still able to manage it, so I'll insist. It doesn't mean I'm not trying to meet new people, but I have a dream and I'm going for it by whatever means are more adequate.