Will she ever desire me again?

[Firstone]

I’m not sure where this would go so I put it here. I need help on handling a situation in my marriage. I hope that my wife and I can come out of it but I’m afraid her feelings are locked in at this point. Let me start by giving you some background.

I am 33 and my wife is 31 (married since 1996); we have a 6 year old son. We have been together since high school. I was 15 and she was 14. Her parents allowed me to move with them when her step-father’s company moved so we have lived together since I was 18. I was under the impression we were soul mates.

I am finding out now that she has no sexual attraction to me anymore (said i feel more like a brother to her ) and it started before our son was even born. I feel that I am a decent husband; I do most of the chores, cook, do the laundry, provide a safe and secure home, and give her space when she needs it (and not to bad looking, no Brad Pitt by any means but still a decent looking guy IMHO). She is going to therapy now and we are trying to do joint therapy but this situation is killing me and I have a negative attitude towards it (I am taking St. John’s Wort to help with that; I wanted to try that option before going to anti-depressants).

I need help on how to handle this and some input from other people that may have gone through similar situations. Can we recover from this? She says she wants to but she has been fighting this for years so my optimism is pretty low at this point (but she just started therapy for it and her anxiety issues). I’m leaning towards preparing myself for the inevitable; getting debt taken care of, removing her from my finances, and looking for a place to live (i haven't started yet but...). I have been completely devastated by this and it is really hard for me to deal with because of the amount of love I have for her.

I could really use some help on how to handle this and help her if I can. If I left out some other information that is important to the situation feel free to ask. I want to save my marriage if I can so I have nothing to hide here.

[IndiReloaded]

Meh, 'love' waxes & wanes in marriages as long as yours. Its par for the course. Both of you need to first understand what you are going through is pretty normal:

[url]http://www.songtime.com/sbc/sbcfivestagesofmarriage.htm[/url]

Then, for the guy, you need to understand about meeting your wifes emotional needs. I would bet, from her perspective, that's where you have fallen flat on your face. Its also pretty normal, btw, that a guy needs to be retrained in this. Will Harley has an excellent site about this:

[url]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html[/url]

Good luck. Things can be made better provided that BOTH man & wife are equally committed to improvement.

[vashti]

I agree with indi. Incidentally, we have both been married for a long time, so we know from experience what she said is true: Love feelings come and go in a long-term marriage. The thing that holds a marriage together over time is not love, but rather the level of commitment to the idea of staying married.

Continue on with the counseling. It is devastating to a child to have their family torn apart. Make sure your wife knows this.

[IndiReloaded]

The thing that holds a marriage together over time is not love, but rather the level of commitment to the idea of staying married.

Continue on with the counseling. It is devastating to a child to have their family torn apart. Make sure your wife knows this.

All I can say to this is:

But Vash is right. Good luck.