Sister in Law

[Connor 45]

Yeah well............... its coming up to one year 4 or 5 months now ! I almost forgot !

But i have to say to be honest she acts sometimes ,(well most of the time it has to be said )like she finds sex dirty or shame-full or something like that all of the time . she would never agree to even the though of me masturbating it would would disgust her ....anyway it gets boring! after a while .........i just feel now frustrated because she would never even think about talking about it ..to her its a taboo subject !
While im spilling my life here i might as well say that i have always found her selfish when it comes to sex .............Eg

most sex would be not very often anyway sometimes many weeks apart................. mostly with the light off and very much not planned at all .........i would stoke her back and try and do my part in foreplay (anything else is not an option ).........If she gets turned on ?????????????? she would turn over and i would finger her and ..............maybe ?????? lick her if she is really turned on (very unusual though) .....She would cum ......... but then she would either ..................................make me feel her effort in wanting to have further penetration sex by then lying there and not making any movement or anything else and taking it or by going on top and finishing it as quick as possible (ie making herself cum asp) there is no though of my pleasure at all .....but then again maybe most women think good on her ?? ......anyway for what its worth that is my sex life ! ........not great !

[ecojeanne]

connor that last post just makes me think she rejected you again and your angry again. read my last post and talk to her like i suggested, maybe even counseling together would help

[Indignant]

......anyway for what its worth that is my sex life ! ........not great !

do you go out at all? how about taking her out dancing, getting her tipsy and making out anywhere but home. home is what would bring those feelings of routine to her. take her to an empty park, parking lot, other places you have in your area or if you have the finances take her to a motel. don't expect much the first time, but eventually her mind will learn to let go and enjoy it...and trust you are not the only one going through this.

[vashti]

I bet she is faking the orgasms. Most people wish to be more experimental if they are sexually satisfied, not less.

[Connor 45]

she dosent want to talk about anything other than the relationship as she sees it ! iceberg theory!!!!!!
( ie.... only whats above the water .......in a term i just made up !!!) which means that alot of things she refuses to speak about sex being one of them is under !
She talks of nothing but her work....her problems .......the kids ......the housework........her work again........the kids again......
if i dont listen with 100% of my being then its total mayhem


but hey..........i hear you say!!!!!!!!men are selfish arnt they ! so maybe i deserve it?

[Indignant]

she dosent want to talk about anything other than the relationship as she sees it ! iceberg theory!!!!!!
( ie.... only whats above the water .......in a term i just made up !!!) which means that alot of things she refuses to speak about sex being one of them is under !
She talks of nothing but her work....her problems .......the kids ......the housework........her work again........the kids again......
if i dont listen with 100% of my being then its total mayhem


but hey..........i hear you say!!!!!!!!men are selfish arnt they ! so maybe i deserve it?

and whom are we responding to?

[ecojeanne]

but hey..........i hear you say!!!!!!!!men are selfish arnt they ! so maybe i deserve it?

c'mon connor, stop being more and more dramatic about this, there is a solution if you want to take it. give her comfort nights all to herself, no kids, no noise, no nothing...draw a bath, light a candle, put on soft music and then leave, do this once a week. she needs to de-stress. if you help her and talk about improving things (not pointing the finger at her i might add), focus on her. ask her what she wants. would she like you to give her a free night once a week, is there anything else. spend time with the newborn and tell her you think it would be good for you to start bonding with the baby. calmly talk. tell her the catch is....you love her and you hate this stress between you both and you want to sort things out so that you both can be happy.

calm down connor, i understand the stress and anger you are feeling. do you want your marriage to work?! if so then have a think about what i suggested.

[Indignant]

c'mon connor, stop being more and more dramatic about this, there is a solution if you want to take it. give her comfort nights all to herself, no kids, no noise, no nothing...draw a bath, light a candle, put on soft music and then leave, do this once a week. she needs to de-stress. if you help her and talk about improving things (not pointing the finger at her i might add), focus on her. ask her what she wants. would she like you to give her a free night once a week, is there anything else. spend time with the newborn and tell her you think it would be good for you to start bonding with the baby. calmly talk. tell her the catch is....you love her and you hate this stress between you both and you want to sort things out so that you both can be happy.

calm down connor, i understand the stress and anger you are feeling. do you want your marriage to work?! if so then have a think about what i suggested.

once again Jeanne, we are not being heard. it seems that people come here to vent instead of listening.

[Mish]

Yanyway for what its worth that is my sex life ! ........not great !

It sounds like this is something you should've thought about before you had children with her. You could suggest sex therapy I suppose and see if this makes it easier in the bedroom.

[vashti]

Ugh. I didn't realize she had kids. You are exactly the kind of guy who doesn't need to be around kids.

[Connor 45]

urr......ok some good advice ...........thanks !
some not so good ...........

i do listen by the way and i am a good Father to my children ,a really good father !!! anyway thanks !

[Indignant]

It sounds like this is something you should've thought about before you had children with her. You could suggest sex therapy I suppose and see if this makes it easier in the bedroom.

he totally disregarded my comment about taking her out and shit. i think he is the one who needs therapy.

[Connor 45]

no your advice was good ........i dont need therapy thanks

[IndiReloaded]

do you go out at all? how about taking her out dancing, getting her tipsy and making out anywhere but home. home is what would bring those feelings of routine to her. take her to an empty park, parking lot, other places you have in your area or if you have the finances take her to a motel. don't expect much the first time, but eventually her mind will learn to let go and enjoy it...and trust you are not the only one going through this.

Agree with this^.

You are missing the boat, Connor. The reason she wants to discuss the relationship is b/c, for women, sex starts in THE MIND.

For guys, sex starts in the gonads.

Agree to discuss the relationship but set some conditions. A time limit, perhaps? And then you should go out as Dig suggests and have some sexy-time. Everyone gets what they want and you will slowly find improvement in your relationship. Don't expect instant miracles, tho. Good luck.

[IndiReloaded]

i dont need therapy thanks

Actually, I disagree with you. However, the advice you are being given here, fortunately, is similar to what you'd get from a counsellor.

However, if you have problems with follow-through, then I would suggest counselling also. The accountability will be useful for you, and it will give your wife a place to vent that isn't always you.

Tho, perhaps your finances won't allow it?