My girlfriend has social anxiety and I might dump her because of it..

[IndiReloaded]

Meh. Ppl pray to God for stuff & its just as ridiculous. God/Universe/<insert force of nature of choice here>, whatever.

There will probably be a 'The Secret' cult, just like Scientology, one of these days if there isn't already.

[Mish]

Meh. Ppl pray to God for stuff & its just as ridiculous. God/Universe/<insert force of nature of choice here>, whatever.

There will probably be a 'The Secret' cult, just like Scientology, one of these days if there isn't already.

There already is "The Secret" cult

Strangely I accept belief / prayer to God as a symbolic, meditating, philosophical, quasi-spiritual faith in absolute good where a person's actions define their character more readily than the above. And still I wouldn't advise "Pray to God, it will make things better".

[IndiReloaded]

There already is "The Secret" cult

Strangely I accept belief / prayer to God as a symbolic, meditating, philosophical, quasi-spiritual faith in absolute good where a person's actions define their character more readily than the above. And still I wouldn't advise "Pray to God, it will make things better".

I dunno as I don't subscribe to either. My argument for positive thinking is more neurochemical based.

The fact that such a cult exists IS an argument that supports your idea that ppl seem to need *something* to believe in, Mish. I bet some fraction of 'The Secret' subscribers call themself 'atheist', not understanding the hypocrisy of it. Shrug.

[Mish]

The fact that such a cult exists IS an argument that supports your idea that ppl seem to need *something* to believe in, Mish.

I think it compliments it. It shows that people believe in something everyday (wether they are religious, agnostic or atheist). It's just the content of their beliefs varies.

Whatever the person's believes are I just thought it was a bad advice on eco's part to give to someone who's looking for something substantial. I believe beliefs are personal.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, to be fair to Eco, recommending a self-help book to someone who is obviously an intellectual (like the OPs GF), might not be a bad idea.

[Mish]

Well, to be fair to Eco, recommending a self-help book to someone who is obviously an intellectual (like the OPs GF), might not be a bad idea.

Recommending a self help book would be a very good idea I think. Just as long as it has something practical and useful for the reader.

[IndiReloaded]

I've read The Secret. Its not a bad book, so long as its not taken literally.

[Mish]

I've read The Secret. Its not a bad book, so long as its not taken literally.

What part of it did you find practical or useful? (I ask because maybe there was something I overlooked)

[IndiReloaded]

I didn't read it so much for 'usefulness'. I read it b/c the President of our company really likes it for our staff & so I had to read it. I'm already a subscriber to the 'power' of positive thinking. Really, the basic idea of the book is something called "Law of Attraction", which is just a fancy way of saying that positive thoughts tend to attract positive outcomes. Its not a new idea at all, but its good for lay ppl who have never thought about these things before.

Its available from the library. Its written in short, easy to read sections & the font is pretty.

If you want a quick overview w/o the book, wiki has a decent summary of Law of Attraction:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction[/url]

[Mish]

I didn't read it so much for 'usefulness'. I read it b/c the President of our company really likes it for our staff & so I had to read it. I'm already a subscriber to the 'power' of positive thinking. Really, the basic idea of the book is something called "Law of Attraction", which is just a fancy way of saying that positive thoughts tend to attract positive outcomes. Its not a new idea at all, but its good for lay ppl who have never thought about these things before.

Its available from the library. Its written in short, easy to read sections & the font is pretty.

If you want a quick overview w/o the book, wiki has a decent summary of Law of Attraction:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction[/url]

Interesting

It's mainly the idea that "ask and it will be given" that I strongly disagree with. Though I'm a fan of positive thinking paraphernalia. Positive thinking in itself is a world of different ideas both abstract and practical. Personally I'm a bigger fan of "abundance mentality" principle ([url]http://www.northernlightspresentations.com/articles/AbundanceMentality.htm[/url]). Nothing is given to you, but with the certain perception obtaining what you want through effort is very feasible.

[IndiReloaded]

Interesting

It's mainly the idea that "ask and it will be given" that I strongly disagree with.

In an absolute sense, yes. However, there's that old 'power of belief' thing again. Seems to work for a lot of ppl.

Personally I'm a bigger fan of "abundance mentality" principle ([url]http://www.northernlightspresentations.com/articles/AbundanceMentality.htm[/url]). Nothing is given to you, but with the certain perception obtaining what you want through effort is very feasible.

Right. And that is what I would say things like 'The Secret' boil down to for ppl who want to take things to their logical conclusion.

FYI, there is a whole field of psychology that has to do with mental tricks for enabling success (or overcoming obstacles). "Motivational Psychology" is an up & coming field, esp for things like Sports Science departments. And they use things like Law of Attraction (without all the psuedoscience reference to quantum physics) & visualization/meditation to help elite athletes do better in their sport.

[IndiReloaded]

Personally I'm a bigger fan of "abundance mentality" principle ([url]http://www.northernlightspresentations.com/articles/AbundanceMentality.htm[/url]).

Ha! I was surprised when I went to this site & realized this gal is a friend of someone I know. Small world.

Anyway, I like her idea, even though "abundance mentality" is simply a repackaging of the idea that life & success is NOT a zero-sum game.

At some level, I suppose, the ancient philosophers already figured this stuff out.

[Mish]

In an absolute sense, yes. However, there's that old 'power of belief' thing again. Seems to work for a lot of ppl.

I think they encourage less belief and more expectation. As in, if you ask expect it will be given. Where as belief doesn't have a lot to do with actual recieving imo (maybe in some estranged circles). Belief as I see it is a type of a positive hope where nothing is demanded.

[Lifeisquick]

Well, to be fair to Eco, recommending a self-help book to someone who is obviously an intellectual (like the OPs GF), might not be a bad idea.

She's got one...I saw it for the first time today.

Her dad just told her (he never talks about personal things with her) that he was very lonely and awkward in college too, that she definitely gets it from him, and that he eventually grew out of it.

Since she says she will sacrifice her grades a bit so that she can have time for therapy and that she really wants to work on it I've decided I'll just see what happens...I feel pretty messed up for knowing that in a very basic and slightly exaggerated sense that we are now at: "get over your shyness and get interesting or were done"

[Indus18]

Honestly, having a beautiful, intelligent girl all to yourself sounds amazing at first, but the shyness clearly gets old. I think people have all suggested great things: therapy, self-help books, etc. The crux of the issue is that she's not acknowledging that it's a problem she is willing to try to fix, and if she is acknowledging it, the crying to me shows an immaturity, as well as an indicator of how serious the problem is.

In my experience, people can change with effort, but their personalities never shift significantly. If you're not having fun, then that's the bottom line, and it's serious. I think it's wrong for people to chastise you for thinking about your own happiness when that's what most people give for advise around here, and are only giving it this spin because you're being honest and talking up this girl who you obviously respect a lot.

I think you need to be clear with her how much you care about her, but how this handicap of hers is just too much of an incompatibility to keep ignoring. Everyone deserves happiness, and maybe she'll find her own one day, but I dont' think sacrificing yours is really helping. If you're the only person she has besides her family, I think you can still be there for her even if you break up, and maybe in that capacity she'll be more motivated to help herself. Best of luck, and I hope your last ditch effort with therapy works out!