Advice needed!!

[Sammi121]

Ive known this girl for about 2 months, we've grown so incredibly close in this short time, ive told her things i didnt expect to tell anyone till much later in my life and she has done the same thing to me and we always tell eachother we'l always be there for each other etc, it just feels like we clicked..

then she tells me she has a crush on my friend who i simply know isnt right for her..he also has a crush on her best friend...

I cant stop thinking her and i clicked from the start and were meant to be...so why is she attracted to my friend she barely knows?

[MetalPhoenix]

YinYan. opposites attract. You and her seem to be equals.

Perhaps that's your problem...you're too much like her
just my 2cts

[tooxshort]

Because:

Ive known this girl for about 2 months, we've grown so incredibly close in this short time, ive told her things i didnt expect to tell anyone till much later in my life and she has done the same thing to me and we always tell eachother we'l always be there for each other etc, it just feels like we clicked..

You can't disclose too much information too soon. Not without going on a first real date, at least. You've started the ball rolling as good friends who will listen. Sometimes, people don't want to be romantically involved with others that know too much, right away. It tends to make things more predictable.

Well, that's what I think at least ...

[ecojeanne]

you're in the friend zone, sorry mate

[Mish]

I cant stop thinking her and i clicked from the start and were meant to be...so why is she attracted to my friend she barely knows?

You simply haven't generated enough attraction and thus ended up in the friend zone as mentioned above. Where as you friend had generated enough. Attraction is not depended on amount of time you spend with the person as a friend but on the right type of chemistry.

Friend zone is not necessarily a dead zone to your progress with her, with the right amount of attraction generating technique, you may yet crawl out of it.

[Sammi121]

yup thanks guys, too true..

fortunately for me the friend zone is a good zone to be in

but teen love is a stupid thing, so who knows, there are many years of 'us' left

thanks

[carl1222]

Hi Sammi,

I'm glad you are cool with the situation and it hasn't caused you pain.

Mishanya and others are spot on when they tell you that you are in the friend zone because of a failure of chemistry. I just want to add a comment to Mishayana's statement: "Friend zone is not necessarily a dead zone to your progress with her, with the right amount of attraction generating technique, you may yet crawl out of it." She's right, but it's a pretty steep hill to crawl up.

Chemistry is a virtual witches' brew of multiple factors that are virtually unique from person to person.

First, it's a combination of physical attraction (looks) and emotional attraction (personality). And while I believe that chemistry is, on average, weighted in favor of physical attraction (especially at very young ages), I know lots of people (myself included) for whom chemistry can increase greatly based on attractive personality traits.

Physical attraction is a combination of genetics (symmetry, averageness of features), indicators of strength and health, indications of suitability for reproduction (having sexy kids), age, cultural factors and personal factors such as personal proclivities ("my type"), pheremones and general appearance.

Emotional attraction is a combination of compatibility, temperment and (for women especially) prospects for success such as intelligence, confidence and drive.

I'm assuming when Mishanya talks about "attraction generating technique" she mainly means attention to those factors actually under your control: mainly general appearance and confidence.

1) General Appearance: This is easy especially if you have the sheckels to pull it off. Girls spend billions of dollars a year on this one, guys often neglect it. First, fire your $15 barber and hire a $40 stylist to do your hair. Second, get a well-put-together look. Look in magazines at the clothes stylish guys your age wear, and get the cheaper knock-offs at your local store. Pay attention to color matching as well as style. Throw out anything you own that's plaid. Don't be too outlandish ... understated beats extreme every time! Finally ... shoes ... for some reason (someone please tell me why) girls heavily judge a man's general appearance based on his kicks! Keep them clean, keep them polished, keep them stylish.

2) Confidence: Confidence is a continuum ranging from wimpy doormat to cocky. Girls tend to be most attracted to guys who are from confident to bordering on (but not actually being) cocky. Girls DON'T respect dorrmat pedestal placing guys ... EVER! A lot of guys believe they can win a girl's affection by giving/doing everything she wants. This is the essence of your original question, Sammi ... how can she possibly want him when I'm so much better for her? Things to do: Value yourself as an equal partner in the relationship ... she is NOT doing you a favor by being with you, you are doing each other a favor; recognize and try to anticipate her legitimate needs. Things NOT to do: Rotate her tires in the snow in January; let her get away with s*** that you know (and she knows) is unreasonable. Girls test this ... be prepared to pass!!!

Special note to all of you that have been friend zoned when what you wanted was a romantic relationship (men and women alike): You have only a brief moment to define what you expect, anything else is just difficult repair. Never pretend (through shyness men or coyness women) that you want to be just a friend when you really want more!

Anyway, I hope you benefit from this glimpse of the minds of all the wonderful people from Venus ... I love you, women, each and every one of you! Best luck in your next try, Sammi.

Carl.