Dating after his divorce . . .

[jslaughter]

So I was set up with this guy last year and we had a great date but things fizzled out - too soon for him from his divorce and too soon after a break up for me. However, this year we ran into each other and we tried it again and things are going well . . .except for this one thing,

He has a son with his ex and every now and then he stays at her house because he's "baby sitting" (his son is 5) and when he does they ALL sleep in the same bed. He says its not a big deal because his son sleeps in the middle, etc. but I'm starting to feel kind of creeped out -

So am I right to be concerned or am I being silly and insecure?

Julie

[dragoon]

Sounds like a red flag to me. Of course I'm the idiot that dated a girl who *lived* with her ex, so maybe I'm a little sensitive to stuff like this at the moment. And besides, don't experts say the kid sleeping in the parents' bed like that is bad?

[Breezy18]

I agree with Dragoon. HUGE red flag going up. I would have several issues if the guy I was seeing not only stayed over with his ex but slept in the same bed as well, whether the child is there or not. I'm not an expert and would never claim to be, but I think Dragoon is right. I'm sure I've heard that letting the child sleep with the parents is bad. I think especially when they are divorced. It may be setting up hopes in the child's mind that will ultimately be crushed.

[BillyGalbreath]

he is lying out his ass - for one thing it is VERY illegal for a child that is older than 6 months old to sleep in the same room as the parents - or any other intimate couple.

But yeah - There really is no way of telling for sure

[dragoon]

Oh, it's not illegal. Didn't you ever sleep with your parents during like a thunderstorm or after a bad dream?

But jslaughter, I can understand where you are coming from as I was in a very similar situation quite recently (girl I was dating lived with her ex). I think I know how you are feeling. If there is anything I learned, actions speak a lot louder than words. At the very least, be cautious.

[BillyGalbreath]

it IS illegal - my old apartments MADE me and DEstine get a 2 bedroom apartment because under law they could not give us a 1 bedroom with a 9 m/o son

Of course it is ok for the kids to go run into bed with the parent sduring a storm or something - I am talking alot of times - and from her post she said everytime the guy goes over there the kids are in the bed with him... So yeah - THAT is illegal.

[squirrley]

Billy its the law for families who are on any state assistance to have the proper accomodations for sleeping arrangements. Its not illegal for them to be sleeping in the same bed but its illegal if theyre is more than one person and theyre living in a one bedroom place. There is a difference.

Yet-concerning this thingy here-thats bs that theyre sleeping in the same bed-I dont care if the son is in there or not...that shouldnt be PERIOD. His ass should be on the couch! If youre involved with someone thats the last damn place you should be-in your x's bed? Come on-really HUGE RED FLAG!!!! If hes telling you the son is sleeping between them-oh and thats makes it ok? BS Id let him know youre not that niave to think anything else...tell him youre not comfortable with the sleeping arrangements and youre not having it shit-problem with this is that you will never know the truth-id bail girl. something is going on in that bed-whether you want to believe so or not-THATS NOT NORMAL!!! no way no how! I say this because if hes involved with you-he should NOT be in there...its like a gateway for shit to happen.

[sfalexi]

Maybe he doesn't bring in 6 figures a year, but wouldn't it be easy enough to splurge 40 bucks for a hotel should he really want to stay in the same town overnight? Is this town SOOO far away that he can't drive home at night and visit again the next day? Does he every get custody of his son (like on weekends or something) or does the mother have FULL custody and therefore he HAS to visit? How often is "every now and then"? If he's there "baby-sitting", then when the mom comes home, isn't his "baby-sitting" ended? Why can't he leave when she arrives? Is it cause she arrives too late at night? If she arrives so unbelievably late that the roads back home are now closed and unable to be traveled (very doubtful), once again, is it THAT hard to go to a hotel?

Seems to me that there's so many ways to AVOID sleeping in the same bed with the ex that there really isn't any reason that he would 'have' to. ESPECIALLY now that you're in the picture. He should not do it just out of respect for you in the first place.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

ok - well now i am lost - I was just saying what I was told by everyone - Me and Destine were made to get a 2 bedroom - so yeah - Maybe its just Texas... idk

[sfalexi]

Billy,

It could be one of those laws that really isn't that enforced. Like the law against sodomy in many states (think about how many couples, gay or not have buttsex in those states every night). So maybe no one knows about it because it's some old law that's rarely (if ever) enforced.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

Sodomy is not butt sex - it is oral sex.

[sfalexi]

New Lexicon Websters Dictionary - Sodomy - n. sexual intercourse between males or (law) between members of the same sex or with animals, or unnatural sexual intercourse between a man and a woman

Most people would interpret this as buttsex (although it technically could go for oral too since that too COULD be considered a form of 'unnatural' sexual intercourse)

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

hmm - Your right - it IS both ways - cool - i learn somethin new everyday

[sfalexi]

cool - i learn somethin new everyday

And looks like I learned something today too!

Alexi

[jslaughter]

First off - I am glad for all the feedback - mutual friends here were acting like this was all perfectly normal making me wonder what the heck was wrong with me!

However, I have been amused and entertained to discover that I opened such an interesting discussion.

Julie