Chemistry and nature – what's the story?

[Lipp]

Well, on the sex part of things, it wouldn't come as much of a surprise if it turns out that the lass I'm into (make or break situation in two weeks, so maybe nothing'll happen after all) would want to wait until marriage before that, and while it would be disappointing since Im 20 and haven't experienced it (and mainly due to that it could potentially block it out for the next few years) I wouldn't consider it as a dealbreaker. She's worth it.

But then again, I don't consider myself to be as horny as other lads, so meh.

[Lipp]

Oh, and a bit more on topic. Here's my take on it.

It’s been said that there are 3 types of attraction 1) emotional, 2) sexual and 3) intellectual

While I haven't studied it properly but I believe that input for all of our senses react to a biological component of our brain and triggers a reaction (reaction of compatibility, you'd might say), with the preferences that can trigger this varying between the genders as well as individuals, but that there are certain features that appeal especially well.

So while they can be intermingled I'd say that emotional and sexual belong to the same group (sexual being mainly visual and triggering lust, with emotional incorporating voice, smell and physical features that are appealing yet not in a sexual manner), and intellectual being how well the two personalities work out.

And essentially, there are certain ground rules for what humans instinctively can find to be a good match, with physical fitness being one such trait for healthy offspring.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I honestly believe women are more sexual than men, but we tend to hide it to protect our reputation and to be liked for more than just what we can do in bed. I love sex, and if I could do it everyday I would. But, I dont like being that upfront about it with a guy I like cuz when I start to mention all I can do some of them tend to get scared and wanna find a more tame girl lol. It's funny but at the same time depressing. I like a rough guy, but I guess St. Thomas got too many bitches. I only have one ex who had the ideal sex for me, but he cheated on me so that didnt work out.

[Charlie Boy II]

Sexual attraction is the be all and end all for me. As I said in the other thread, if I don't have that with my girlfriend, why on earth is she my girlfriend?

Conversely emotional attachments and intellectual attachments are not prerequisites but bonuses. "Nice-to-haves", but not essential.

For example, if I have a high level of sexual attraction to a girl I know is of low intelligence, or that I have otherwise little emotional connection with, I will still pursue her. I will not fool myself into thinking those things exist when they clearly do not (like I think women often do). I may feel some regret at their absence but it won't really deter me.

However it shortens the shelf life of the relationship, because for me emotional attachment and intellectual sparring fuels sexual attraction. Without those elements, my desire will inevitably burn out. But as long as I'm still sexually attracted I won't feel the need to move on. I think I could go a considerable time on sexual attraction alone before it dissapates. At least a year or so.

[Mish]

But as long as I'm still sexually attracted I won't feel the need to move on. I think I could go a considerable time on sexual attraction alone before it dissapates. At least a year or so.

For me that would feel a bit self defeating. Pursuing someone I care little about with whom I know any interaction is very temporary. I'd find it hard to justify to myself any time investment.

Not saying that it's right or wrong, I suppose we just feel different.


Eco, there you have it. Two guys with two different points of view. Not all men are the same.

[carl1222]

Mishanya, you said: "I think women do exactly the same though. How many women do you know that put up with incompatibility in relationship or just fool themselves? I know quite a lot.

I honestly don't think there's as big a difference between men and women than you imagine."

You are right but don't forget, we were talking about chemistry, not relationships or love.

Carl

[misombra]

For me that would feel a bit self defeating. Pursuing someone I care little about with whom I know any interaction is very temporary. I'd find it hard to justify to myself any time investment.

Not saying that it's right or wrong, I suppose we just feel different.


Eco, there you have it. Two guys with two different points of view. Not all men are the same.

i don't think what you two said was that different. you both admitted that just one or two types of attraction will not get you very far.

your ages could make some difference. i think you're a little older than cb.

it's the same in girls though. as we get older we're less likely to invest time in just one type of attraction.

[uncertain777]

Hmmm, well with me, sexual/physical attraction is a big part of the initial attraction.

But after starting the relationship, emotion/personality become much more important factors. I broke up with my last gf, entirely because I did not feel emotionally attached to her.

[carl1222]

Hmmm, well with me, sexual/physical attraction is a big part of the initial attraction.

But after starting the relationship, emotion/personality become much more important factors. I broke up with my last gf, entirely because I did not feel emotionally attached to her.

Exactly, uncertain, that's why I made the distinction between chemistry and relationships/love.

Carl.

[Jade Altair]

Everyone is different, I can't see labeling emotions and needs simply based on being a female or male.

[ecojeanne]

Everyone is different, I can't see labeling emotions and needs simply based on being a female or male.

ultimately, thats true, and i agree, i don't think i will get the real answer coz it's really hard to find. there are so many influences and factors that are involved such as religion, nurture, nature. it's impossible. i thought it would be easier to find out actually coz of some of the things written by men and women on the love forum and was wondering in people's opinions did it reflect the real world. it's an indication i think sometimes but again people can sometimes be influenced to say what they think people want to hear, not always but sometimes indeed. i'm still going to investigate further just out of my own interest. i don't know if i will ever be able to draw any finite conclusion.

thanks for all your input guys and gals