Chemistry and nature – what's the story?

[ecojeanne]

Well I’ve been thinking about this since doppels thread. It’s been said that there are 3 types of attraction 1) emotional, 2) sexual and 3) intellectual

Can you get by on one alone = i.e sexual? For guys; is that the difference between us women and you men? Majority of you can get by for years (while you can still get it up) on sexual attraction whereas we women need all 3? Sexual attraction is apparently not a conscious decision but a reflex of nature.

Emotional attraction apparently has to do with self esteem. Women tend to have less self esteem than men and therefore I’m thinking we women need this too. Are we women deeper or more needy? Or rather are men more disconnected and don’t need emotional attraction coz most guys have a good dose of self esteem. This would suggest that we women are at a disadvantage, if so. Does this also mean we women can confuse someone’s attention and care for our self esteem (ie compliments etc) as love? Friends raise each others self esteem but does it get confused when it’s the opposite sex raising it?

Is that why women are usually the first in a relationship to declare their love?

I know I’m doing the usual asking tons of questions, it’s my train of thought atm.

I’m trying to analyse here whether we women are getting screwed by nature in relationships or not. I have a strong feeling that we are. I guess the gift we get from nature is being able to conceive….we got the raw end of the deal. Men and women what do you reckon? If we temporarily castrated men, before the decision of having a baby is wanted and re-castrate after the baby is born do you think it would help?

[UKboy]

To make it short,Females are emotional creatures.
That is to say,they tend to strenghten their bond with their partner with time.And time creates memories.
Women aren't at a disadvantage in anyway,they just need to stop accessing situations,a broad base which includes r/s,by their feelings.
One thing I've come to realise it,girls have this dual mindset.
The know what they want and what they go go after.
Generally,they judge and go with their emotions.I'm not saying emotions are bad,they are needed for a fulfilling life provided they meet a guy who can provide the emtional securities,Guys who can assure the girls of what they want out from the r/s.
Emotions are deceptive.THey shouldn't be used to access anything.

[Dasein]

Is that why women are usually the first in a relationship to declare their love?

I can honestly say that I have never been the first to declare my love to a man. In my experience it has always been the other way around.

So I guess I don't really agree entirely.

Sure there are women with self esteem issues. I saw a program once where men and women were asked about how attractive the saw themselves. Drop dead gorgeous women would say they were a 5 out of 10 and butt ugly guys would say they were a 9 out of 10. So maybe there is a difference in perception..or perhaps the media is harsher on women causing body/image issues.

The one thing I will say is that I think women attach emotionally during sex. Maybe this is an undoing of women as not all sexual partners make good life partners.

[Mish]

Well I’ve been thinking about this since doppels thread. It’s been said that there are 3 types of attraction 1) emotional, 2) sexual and 3) intellectual

Majority of you can get by for years (while you can still get it up) on sexual attraction whereas we women need all 3?

Emotional attraction apparently has to do with self esteem. Women tend to have less self esteem than men and therefore I’m thinking we women need this too.

I understand what you're saying eco, but I think it's a bit too bangled up and the meaning with the message got lost in your post somwhere.

First up, emotional attraction is not apparently to do with self esteem. Emotional attraction (how I see it) is based on emotional triggers. How does the other person "activate" you emotionally. You know how next to some people you feel like hitting them with a shovel. You don't know why you feel that way, but they just repulse you unexplainably. That's emotional repulsion. You know how next to some people you don't even need words, you see them and you just come alive. You feel on top of the world because they are there giving you energy. That's emotional attraction. So you're asking who gives of more or less of emotional attraction and energy men or women? I think that's entirely up to the individual.

Make whatever conclusion that you like out of this, just remember one fact you'll find a lot of guys will not pursue a sexual relationship with someone who emotionally repulses them.

[Lipp]

I saw a program once where men and women were asked about how attractive the saw themselves. Drop dead gorgeous women would say they were a 5 out of 10 and butt ugly guys would say they were a 9 out of 10. So maybe there is a difference in perception..or perhaps the media is harsher on women causing body/image issues.

!



But yeah, as a guy I certainly don't get fussed about guy models showing up on billboards and advertisements, if you have a career based almost solely on looking good you can spend 5 hours gymming each day and prop yourself full of supplements if that's what it takes, looking decent enough and getting some real stuff done still beats it.

[carl1222]

What a great question, Jeanne!

First of all, there is difference between physical attraction and chemistry for both sexes. Physical attraction is a non-obsessive feeling that the person you are seeing is hot. Thank God that that is usually not enough to invoke chemistry because we probably see dozens of people every day that we think are hotties and it doesn't cause the obsessive reaction of chemistry.

Think of physical attraction as the on-off switch. With it, chemistry is possible ... without it, chemistry is not possible and the person will never be more than a friend.

Chemistry, on the other hand, triggers a reaction almost identical to addiction to opiates. A tiny but mischievous part of your brain floods your body with addictive hormones rendering you blissfully happy when you are together, and crushingly miserable when you are apart ... in every cell of your body.

Chemistry is physical attraction plus.

The plus is contact. As soon as your brain gets the impression (whether in reality or fantasy) that you might actually have a relationship with the object of your physical attraction, all hell breaks loose.

As for the difference between men and women ... for men, physical attraction + possibility (real or imagined) is enough. For women, physical attraction + emotional factors + possibility (real or imagined) is enough. These are generalizations of course ... some men require emotional factors, some women don't. There is no one size fits all.

I'm not sure emotional and intellectual are separate categories ... intellect is just one of many emotional factors.

In conclusion, mother nature screws men and women alike when it's one-sided ... mother nature blesses men and women alike when it's reciprocated. The latter is why we are so driven to keep trying, the former is why we feel so much pain.

Carl.

[misombra]

men have different emotional complexes i think. i also think they do need to have all three bits of attraction too. i think for anybody, just one bit would only get you so far.

[ecojeanne]

In conclusion, mother nature screws men and women alike when it's one-sided ... mother nature blesses men and women alike when it's reciprocated. The latter is why we are so driven to keep trying, the former is why we feel so much pain.

Carl.

in general terms tho, from what i've read on these forums, guys value sex a lot more than women (it seems) and can indeed go years with just sex and put up with incompatibility otherwise, or am i wrong?

[carl1222]

Yeah, that was my generalization when I said "for men, physical attraction + possibility (real or imagined) is enough." Jeanne, so you are not wrong..

[ecojeanne]

Yeah, that was my generalization when I said "for men, physical attraction + possibility (real or imagined) is enough." Jeanne, so you are not wrong..

oh what a pity i wanted to be proved wrong

[carl1222]

Sex is merely an expression of physical attraction.

[misombra]

Yeah, that was my generalization when I said "for men, physical attraction + possibility (real or imagined) is enough." Jeanne, so you are not wrong..

i don't believe you.

[carl1222]

Well, Jeanne, would you really want men to be just like women? That's the spice!!!

Misombra, what part do you disagree with?

Carl.

[Mish]

in general terms tho, from what i've read on these forums, guys value sex a lot more than women (it seems) and can indeed go years with just sex and put up with incompatibility otherwise, or am i wrong?

I think women do exactly the same though. How many women do you know that put up with incompatibility in relationship or just fool themselves? I know quite a lot.

I honestly don't think there's as big a difference between men and women than you imagine.

[doppelgaenger]

You're not going to get a lot of agreement with this topic, since the answer is so ambiguous. However, I don't think people's emotions can be categorized by gender. I don't think men and women are as different as claimed.