Why do I still have such strong feelings for this person?

[You and me]

I am about to get married next year. I love my fiance and want to spend my life with her. However, all of a sudden, out of the blue, these feelings I had for an old crush have re-emerged. They really never went away I guess. 4 years before I met my current fiance, I was in love with a girl that I knew since elementary school. We weren't close friends but I felt so strongly about her. At the time I didn't have much self-esteem and was too nervous to ask her out. All of a sudden she starts approaching me and talking to me out of the blue and calling me a nickname she had called me in elementary school. This gives me enough courage to finally ask her out, and she says yes. We went out on a date and continued to talk on the phone and in person but my lack of courage prevented me from getting her on another date. We never went on another date, but I still had strong feelings for her and she continued to talk to me and approach me. 2 years passed and I didnt see her. Then at a carnival in our hometown, I see her out of the corner of my eye, she is with a friend and I pretend like I don’t see her. She stops in her tracks and says to the person she’s with “Oh my god, it’s Chris!” (that would be my name). I didn’t approach her and she didn’t approach me as I was with another girl (a friend). After this, I decided I really wanted to tell her how I felt. We went on a date, yes, but I never told her how I really felt about her. I wrote a letter to her and I mentioned that I saw her and I know she saw me and I basically just poured my heart out in the letter and put it in the mail. I never got a response so I just decided to get on with my life. A few months letter I met my current fiancé.

Flash forward to the present time. I would still think of this girl every now and then, and she has appeared in my dreams more than any other girl. I get a call from my mother who told me that this girls father came into my mother’s place of work (a veterinarian’s office). He noticed my mothers name and asked about me…somehow he remembered my name after all these years even though I only met him once. He told my mother about his daughter and she told him about me. He explained she just broke up with her boyfriend…he then said to my mother, “Your son seemed like a really good guy, you should have your son call my daughter sometime. They should get together.” My mother then told him… “He has a serious girlfriend”. He replied “That’s too bad, that’s too bad”. I thought it was strange but I didn’t think too much about it.

Now here is where I think these social networking sites have done more bad than good for me. I am a friend of one of this girl’s friends on Facebook….and she posted some pictures and what do you know, this girl was in a number of them. Seeing her photos after all these years just caused this re-emergence of all these feelings that I feel never truly dissipated. Somehow the feelings feel as strong as they did 8 years ago when I first asked this girl out. The problem is, it is making me feel like scum because I am currently engaged and about to get married next year. I feel like I am betraying my fiancé because I have these feelings for this girl still. The only justification I have is that I had these feelings long before I met and fell in love with my fiancé.

Why do I feel this way and what does it mean? Is it absolutely silly for me to all of a sudden have feelings re-emerge for someone who I haven’t even spoken to in 7 years?? I am really frustrated because I feel like there was never any closure between the two of us. I have so many questions and ‘what if’ scenarios in my head: Did she ever have feelings for me? Why did she start approaching me out of the blue and calling me a nickname from elementary school if she wasn’t interested? Why didn’t she respond to my letter? Did she even receive my letter? If she got my letter, was she creeped out by it? Why was she shocked to see me after we hadn’t spoken or seen each other in two years? Why did her father tell my mother that I should call his daughter? What if I had more courage back then and pursued her to the fullest extent?

It just sucks feeling this way and I don’t know what to do about it. Is this just an infatuation I will never get over or is it something more? I just want closure. I just want to know for sure that this girl knows how I felt/feel about her, regardless of what she feels in return, then I can move on. I am just sick of feeling like I am hurting my fiancé by feeling like this, but I guess sometimes you can’t control how your heart feels…

Sorry for the rant. I may well be over analyzing this and hung up on something that I shouldn't be. But I'd just like someone elses perspective on this.

[Mish]

Why do I feel this way and what does it mean? Is it absolutely silly for me to all of a sudden have feelings re-emerge for someone who I haven’t even spoken to in 7 years?? I am really frustrated because I feel like there was never any closure between the two of us. I have so many questions and ‘what if’ scenarios in my head: Did she ever have feelings for me? Why did she start approaching me out of the blue and calling me a nickname from elementary school if she wasn’t interested? Why didn’t she respond to my letter? Did she even receive my letter? If she got my letter, was she creeped out by it? Why was she shocked to see me after we hadn’t spoken or seen each other in two years? Why did her father tell my mother that I should call his daughter? What if I had more courage back then and pursued her to the fullest extent?

I think there's nothing wrong with asking your old friend these questions in a message directly as long as the answers to these questions are all that you need. You could start with saying that you are an old friend and are engaged to get married and just wanted to get something off your chest. She should be able to oblige. If you are not planning to go any further than that, then go ahead.

If you're scared that you will have to take it further after you have the answers, then this is where the problem will come in. This is where you will have to start thinking if you are ready to offer your lifetime commitment to your partner or if you need to break things off and be by yourself for awhile.