Thoughts About Having Children...

[Gigabitch]

Aeradalia, you sound entirely sane to me. What kind of idiot is baby-obsessed in high school? Ick.

I think you're starting to entertain the idea subconsciously because you're starting to be a responsible adult. I wish everyone worked that way.

[IndiReloaded]

This world has all the children it needs and then some. I don't see the point in bringing more into the world while other children are homeless and/or starving.

This is a good point. I suppose there is some amount of genetic selfishness/arrogance that went into our decision.

Tho I do believe that the issue is quality vs. quantity. My husband and I genuinely believe that we have a lot to offer our son (and hopefully society) by raising a very well-brought up human being. I suppose by that argument, we should have had 4. But it wasn't in the cards. We have discussed about adoption/fostering now that our son is old enough to understand & is more intellectually independent. Perhaps we should consider this more seriously if the future permits.

[Aeradalia]

What kind of idiot is baby-obsessed in high school? Ick.

I went to high school in a small town in East Texas where the only available lifestyles involved mostly factory work or farming... so the views on having children were perhaps more old-fashioned and traditional.

I also spent some time in a high school in a larger East Texas city --- an alternative school really --- and had the opportunity to see first hand what it's like to raise a kid when you're 12 - 18 as a single mother.It was mandatory for everyone to take parenting classes (a requirement for the alternative school I believe)... and even basic child psychology. It was fun, though at the time I didn't see the point in me, personally, having to learn it.

So, shortly after high school... girls had kids (because that's what mom did, and her mom, and her mom's mom.. etc) and the guy's well... not always sure of their reasons... but they seemed to follow suit nonetheless.

I think you're starting to entertain the idea subconsciously because you're starting to be a responsible adult. I wish everyone worked that way.

You might be right... I may have been putting the idea on hold all these years because it never seemed feasible, and now that I am in a relationship with a man who's not only stable emotionally, but wanting to wait (a sign of a good head on his shoulders)... these thoughts have emerged.

[Gribble]

Women who like babies (and children) and want some of their own are 10x more attractive to me

This I agree with. It's a catch-22 for me. Women who don't love children aren't really women. It's so wrong.

Tho I do believe that the issue is quality vs. quantity. My husband and I genuinely believe that we have a lot to offer our son (and hopefully society) by raising a very well-brought up human being. I suppose by that argument, we should have had 4. But it wasn't in the cards. We have discussed about adoption/fostering now that our son is old enough to understand & is more intellectually independent. Perhaps we should consider this more seriously if the future permits.

I'm sure you do have a ton to offer. But to be devil's advocate why not adopt to begin with? Do you believe that genetics plays a large part in how children turn out?

[carl1222]

Dreams are difficult to interpret or they may mean nothing at all.

speaking of which; i had a really funny dream lately where myself and vashti were having a disagreement about whether i should climb over a fence or not! haha mad

This one, however is easy ... it expresses conflicted bi-curiosity!!

Sorry, Jeanne ... just teasing.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

But to be devil's advocate why not adopt to begin with? Do you believe that genetics plays a large part in how children turn out?

In short, yes. I think that intelligence and other traits are heritable. Certainly there are several generations of scientists (and now engineers) in our family. While part of that is environment, I doubt that is all of it. We are here b/c of certain genetics that allowed us to flourish and I think those are worthy of passing on.

But it would be interesting to do the experiment. Find out just how much an adopted child will absorb living with in a science family. Not to imply we aren't tolerant of other aptitudes (there is also a strong aptitude for music in our family, on both sides) but there is no way that even an adopted child of unknown genetic origins wouldn't get a science education in our home. Something to think about, as I said.

[Dasein]

This I agree with. It's a catch-22 for me. Women who don't love children aren't really women. It's so wrong.

What are they then?

[Indignant]

What are they then?

The mother must learn to trust her own perceptions; no one can know her child as she does: "To demand that others should provide you textbook prognoses is like asking a strange woman to give birth to your baby. There are insights that can be born only of your own pain, and they are the most precious."

Seek in that stranger who is your child the undiscovered part of yourself. The child emerges as both the benefactor and the victim of its mother´s love, with the author intervening like a guardian angel on its behalf He is equally wary of teachers, whom he consoles one moment-"You will always make mistakes because you are a human being, not a machine"

[IndiReloaded]

Seek in that stranger who is your child the undiscovered part of yourself.

Not sure I understood the rest of your point, Dig, but I thought this^ was interesting.

[Aeradalia]

The mother must learn to trust her own perceptions; no one can know her child as she does: "To demand that others should provide you textbook prognoses is like asking a strange woman to give birth to your baby. There are insights that can be born only of your own pain, and they are the most precious."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess this means that only a mother (or one who raises the child) can understand the child in a very specific way because of all the time, devotion, and love they spend on the child.

Seek in that stranger who is your child the undiscovered part of yourself. The child emerges as both the benefactor and the victim of its mother´s love, with the author intervening like a guardian angel on its behalf He is equally wary of teachers, whom he consoles one moment-"You will always make mistakes because you are a human being, not a machine"

This part is even more confusing. First off, what stranger? I can understand children being both benefactor and victim of a mother's love, in that they learn about life... good or bad... from their mother (or guardian). The rest is yet again, unclear.

Can't fault me for not trying to make sense of this bit of advice..