I work, why can't i come home and watch tv all night?

[Gigabitch]

And yes, i agree that vegging in front of a TV is not healthy either, but that's outside the scope of this thread.

WRONG! It's actually the central question, isn't it? It's in the title. He wants to know why he can't do that.

Women are lazy and untrustworthy. In fact, more women cheat than men.

Oh, for God's sake, no they don't. Men and women are both awful in plenty of ways, and you could say the above about men just as easily, and that doesn't help anybody.

Look, ultimately, it doesn't matter what any of us think. Even if this thread were full of validation for the lazyass OP, it wouldn't change the fact that his fiancee isn't going for it.

So there you go, OP. Fix that shit or get a new woman.

[boobaa]

Hmm, fundamental thoughts from good old sexism stereotypes perhaps?

[squirrley]

I've got something like this occuring in my home. Here's the twist. We work together and we work from home. BUT he hired a maid for us because I couldnt keep up with my back problems, and he wasn't going to help so hiring a maid was his solution. Not that I am not thankful because I am, but there are still things that need to be done. I take out the trash by the way EVERY F)))))))) week, do the dishes, Im so irate right now.

Ever see the "Break-Up" with Jennifer Anniston and now her x(whatever his name is) she says to him..." I just want you to want to do the dishes." SO DAMN TRUE. I say to my hubby..."I just want you to want to pick up the dog shit." We are working the same amount of hours yet I am the one still cleaning up, picking up dog crap, cleaning the bird shit, etc. He still doesnt do a thing around here. OMG I was just sobbing an hour ago in the tub just thinking how this just pisses me off.

[Illusional]

wow, i'm glad that you're version is long is short... so how long is your husbands dick anyways??

well you have to talk to your husband because nothing will change unless you tell him so. i'd bitch him out if i were you and start a fight.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

I repectfully disagree with most of your post, Giga.

It's had to imagine that an intelligent grown woman wouldn't know that when he spends 55 hours a week away from home working/commuting he isn't just "gone all the time leaving her with the shit work."

Sure, taking care of the house is both of their responsibility, but his work is part of taking care of the house as well! I think you're asking for the best part of the modern (equality of household chores) and the traditional (the man is expected to be the breadwinner).

I have a radical idea ... maybe she should up her work schedule from 15 hours to 25 hours a week so SHE can pay for the cleaning lady!

Carl.

I have to say I agree with Carl & the OP on this. The woman seems clueless as to what a fair work agreement would look like.

If the woman was working the same amount of hours and contributing financially approximately the same to the household, then I would say she has a case. However, this doesn't seem to be the case, so she doesn't. She actually sounds like she's got a very sweet deal and is stupid to be complaining about it.

FWIW, I've been in this situation. My husband & I are both professionals, but I cut my work back to PT when my son was a baby. During that time, I was solely responsible for the house keeping, cooking and doing our bookkeeping. In addition to looking after our son & some PT work. I estimate I was putting in about 50-60 hours a week, and so was my husband once you calc'd his work and coming home to help with our new baby. It was a fair arrangement.

You need to come to an agreement about how much her cooking and cleaning is worth vs. your income. Actually make a spreadsheet of this, I think it will be quite illuminating to her what a good deal she is actually getting.

As for you simply coming home and eating & watching TV, that is just unhealthy for any relationship. Whether you both work equally or not. I would suggest, as part of your agreement, that you work out exactly how much time you need to relax when you get home. An hour or two should do it, and then you can spend some time with her. If you are free on weekends, you can perhaps agree to do some amount of "man chores" then, such as home improvement or something like.

[DoesntMatter]

Your fiance is lazy

[carl1222]

I am not going to clean up after a grown man. Sorry, I don't care what kind of work he does.

Pretend you live alone. How would the housework get done? Use this as your guidance for this situation. I didn't get much informaton on your situation so I really cannot provide a better answer than above.

EDIT: If my title was domestic housewife then that is different. ....but I still will not clean up after a grown man but I will clean up the house overall.

Pretend for a moment that SHE lives alone, lesa ... a fair comparison. But the fact is that they DON'T live alone so a fair compromise based on their respective contribution in time to the mechanics of the relationship is the most rational answer.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

We are working the same amount of hours yet I am the one still cleaning up, picking up dog crap, cleaning the bird shit, etc. He still doesnt do a thing around here. OMG I was just sobbing an hour ago in the tub just thinking how this just pisses me off.

Well, this is clearly unfair. However, his is the major income, correct?

Ultimately, its all about how much one's time is worth. If you can afford hired help around the house, and I think you can, then that's what you should negotiate for. This makes a lot of sense, esp with your back and all, Squirrel.

Or, you could work less hours and have him hire a student or someone to help with the business. This would free up some time for mundane things like cleaning & shopping.

I know its a sounds a bit structured, but I REALLY recommend couples using a kitchen or common-area whiteboard to keep track of major family tasks, a grocery list, etc. We also have a printout of our weekly schedule, including work & various extracurricular activities the family is involved in. The schedule also grossly divides the major household duties (e.g. shopping days & by whom, room cleaning schedule & by whom). We also alternate even/odd calendar days for who gets up & makes coffee, lunches, breakfast, etc. The other person gets to sleep in & have coffee/paper brought to them their off day.

A bit of planning goes a long way to preventing these kinds of arguments. And the best part is that the schedule is firm, but negotiable. Keeps everyone accountable and feeling fairly treated.

FWIW.

[vashti]

Well, this is clearly unfair. However, his is the major income, correct?

Huh? Who cares who has the major income? They are married. Their money belongs to BOTH of them.

Or is this just a California thing?

If my husband ever told me I had to wait on him while he watched TV because he made more money, I'd hit him in the head with a frying pan.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Arguing about this is like beating a dead horse to try to make it run. There's no point here. If I ever meet a man who felt since he made more money that I'm gonna become his personal maid, then he'd be ****ed if he thinks there is still a future between us.

We all have our own POV's on this, and we all obviously dont see this the same way. I really wish his fiance would come and give her input on this situation so we can have both sides to the story cuz you guys are calling her lazy and all that shit without knowing her side.

[vashti]

They are probably BOTH lazy. Why else would she tolerate a guy who wants to sit on his ass all night in front of the TV?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

They are probably BOTH lazy.

I agree. I also doubt his job is THAT hard that he thinks he should come home and "watch tv all night"

[Charlie Boy II]

I think the reason this issue is so common amongst couples is because women tend to be more domestically conscientious than men. So a domestic job like say, a carpet that needs vacuming, will enter a woman's awareness, long, long before it comes into the male's sphere of orbit.

I have male friends who live in all-male houses and females who live in all-female houses. The difference... well I'm sure most of you can imagine...

I'm moving in with a girl soon, (a friend) so to be I'm probably going to have to lift my game a bit. Previously I've lived in all-male houses.

In terms of the thread, if one partner is doing considerably more work and bringing in considerably more income, it seems only fair the other should shoulder more of the domestic burden. That's what division of labour is all about.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Ok CBII she can do most of it, but are you telling me he shouldnt do any kind of domestic work as well? She isnt the only one dirtying the place so why cant he lift a little finger once in a while? Take out the garbage or something simple.

[boobaa]

I don't know, but here in the east we don't have such problem. People in the west are just lazy. A maid? Give me a brake. Just because one of you can't do the dishes? Isn't it like... whoever consumes, cleans up after?

Yeah, work 60 hours of week doing some overpaid desk jobs... Plus most of the jobs are just supervisors for people who need supervising.