problem with gf and porn

[Hollywood]

Of course, porn becomes a problem if it starts replacing the intimacies in the relationship, but to think that a man would actually rather be with a plastic actress who fakes exaggerated orgasms to a warm real woman that they love is ridiculous and insecurity in the extreme.

If that's the case it wouldn't turn them on. Men wouldn't care how ugly the broad is, as long as if her body is looking okay and she's doing what she do in the porn industry... she's worthy. ITS NOT THE FACE. ITS NOT THE MOANING. ITS NOT THE FAKE ORGASM... it's just the vagina and that hairy man banging her. Oh man I wish I could feel that *splat*... And then he says...

I tried to explain that when I watched porn it didn't necessarily mean I wanted to do stuff with the people in them. There's also something I like about just watching it. Watching other people doing stuff can turn me on even if I'm not attracted to the people in the videos.
But now it's not just porn. If I see some pictures of some model online I start to feel guilty and I told her about this and she doesn't understand why I'd want to look at them anyway.

I agree with your girlfriend I just say she needs to get over it because men will always look at porn. They will fantasize about other women. Then they will lay in the bed and bang you She just has to get over it and she will be better off.

[Junket]

If that's the case it wouldn't turn them on. Men wouldn't care how ugly the broad is, as long as if her body is looking okay and she's doing what she do in the porn industry... she's worthy. ITS NOT THE FACE. ITS NOT THE MOANING. ITS NOT THE FAKE ORGASM... it's just the vagina and that hairy man banging her. Oh man I wish I could feel that *splat*... And then he says...




I agree with your girlfriend I just say she needs to get over it because men will always look at porn. They will fantasize about other women. Then they will lay in the bed and bang you She just has to get over it and she will be better off.

Oh, Holly.

You're such a pessimist.




What kind of panties are you wearing?

[pinkfloyd80]

Here's the deal man. We are not partial to those who post on our site. We also aren't pussies like wherever she went to, to post.

She is insecure.

That's the problem, not the porn.

Unfortunately, this is a situation where nobody is really "wrong", but it's more an issue of compatibility.

You're never gonna not look at porn when it's so readily available on your computer, never.

She's one of those girls who believes in soul mates and god probably, and shit so she thinks humans are above our natural instincts (we're not). It's much easier for you to stop watching porn, than it is for her to change her temperament. That's not to suggest it's easy.

No, thinking about other women isn't mental cheating. Personally I'd tell my g/f to go f*ck herself if she ever gave me a hard time for lookin' a porn or glancing at other women. But I don't have to because she's not sensitive like that.

I honestly don't know what to tell you because I don't know if this is the kind of girl you think is worth struggling for. I personally have not had to change much about myself but some of the lesser aspects of my personality (anger) for my girlfriend, but that's easy when our sex life rocks. "Porno style" sex is in our common vocabulary.

How old is she again?[/quote]

She is 24.

[Aeradalia]

She is 24.

Usually by now... sometimes earlier, and I guess as in this case.. sometimes later... women finally start to better understand men. Men are lusty creatures... women are usually a little more discriminate. The sooner she learns this the better life will be for you and her.

These are simple facts... stop feeling guilty --- you've done nothing wrong and she has no right to force this guilt on you. Her understanding of men is completely misunderstood and that's not your fault. Even women can not think of only their significant other and absolutely no one else. So she is being hypocritical by demanding you do something that not even she is capable of --- she will have random sexual thoughts of other people from time to time too. This may even be part of the driving force of her own insecurities...

She has some learning and growing up to do. Happily ever after is a pleasant fiction... but in real life, we are all flawed -- and this is not necessarily a bad thing. Without these random sexual thoughts, sexual experiences with the one you love may become dull and unimaginative.

All you can really do is try to help her see that this is your nature... out of your control and more importantly, out of hers... and that in spite of your innate nature, you are faithful to her, you are caring, loving, and devoted. She has everything and she's complaining about insignificant details.... and really needs to be asking herself 'Why am I complaining?'

[pinkfloyd80]

Usually by now... sometimes earlier, and I guess as in this case.. sometimes later... women finally start to better understand men. Men are lusty creatures... women are usually a little more discriminate. The sooner she learns this the better life will be for you and her.

These are simple facts... stop feeling guilty --- you've done nothing wrong and she has no right to force this guilt on you. Her understanding of men is completely misunderstood and that's not your fault. Even women can not think of only their significant other and absolutely no one else. So she is being hypocritical by demanding you do something that not even she is capable of --- she will have random sexual thoughts of other people from time to time too. This may even be part of the driving force of her own insecurities...

She has some learning and growing up to do. Happily ever after is a pleasant fiction... but in real life, we are all flawed -- and this is not necessarily a bad thing. Without these random sexual thoughts, sexual experiences with the one you love may become dull and unimaginative.

All you can really do is try to help her see that this is your nature... out of your control and more importantly, out of hers... and that in spite of your innate nature, you are faithful to her, you are caring, loving, and devoted. She has everything and she's complaining about insignificant details.... and really needs to be asking herself 'Why am I complaining?'

Thank you so much for those comments. I have told her before it's normal to have sexual thoughts about other people or situations once in a while and she said she ONLY thinks about me, which I find hard to believe, although I'm not sure. So she says it's not fair that she thinks only of me and I can get turned on by other people too or other people doing things (like in adult videos). I'm not really sure what I'm going to do, but thanks to everyone who responded and if anyone has more advice/insight I'd be glad to hear it.

[Hollywood]

Oh, Holly.
You're such a pessimist.
What kind of panties are you wearing?

LOL! :| Well it's true dang it! ;/

Lace Boyshorts Eat your heart out xoxo

[TheTooya]

Only thing I would comment on... I agree with the majority, you're not acting like a cheating by looking at porn...

but, a promise is a promise. Some people don't care as much, but I am a person to take them to heart, and your girlfriend may be that way too. If you make a promise, then you fulfill what you make 100%, otherwise why even make a promise at all

Thats my 2 cents "/

[IndiReloaded]

Pink, I think you should have a look at this older thread. Same issue, but just to give you an idea how this can go:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/24753-broke-promise-please-help.html[/url]

[Hollywood]

Dude, just think about how you would feel if she were just like you. If you wouldn't approve of it... then you know exactly how she feels. Try it that way. It's so cliche to say I know, but it really is a big eye opener. Think about if your girlfriend were just like you... how would you handle it.

[Junket]

Dude, just think about how you would feel if she were just like you. If you wouldn't approve of it... then you know exactly how she feels. Try it that way. It's so cliche to say I know, but it really is a big eye opener. Think about if your girlfriend were just like you... how would you handle it.

If his girlfriend were him, and he were his girlfriend, she'd handle it exactly how he has, and he would handle it exactly how she has.

[Gigabitch]

But now it's not just porn. If I see some pictures of some model online I start to feel guilty and I told her about this and she doesn't understand why I'd want to look at them anyway. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Yeah. I do. What possesses you to tell her about looking at clothed models too? How did your relationship become that of confessor and priest? This shit only becomes a problem when you engage in overshare.

Clearly, she's got some emotional issues, and she probably needs for you to help impose some structure on your relationship, so here you go:

Her: Did you look at porn today?
You: That's none of your business.

Here's another scenario, where you've been looking at porn for three hours...

Her: How was your day?
You: Fine.
(Note absence of mention of porn)

One of you has to be reasonable about this, and your willingness to share all of your thoughts about other women is not helping, not at all.

[Riyko]

It depends on when you want porn. if you watch it when she's around and she tells you she's not comfortable with you watching it when she's around then hold off until she's gone as respect. If you watch it when she's not around then she shouldn't tell you if you should watch it or not.

Since you promised her you'd stop watching it and you have a few times then that can be a problem because some people take promises to heart.

[Aeradalia]

Only thing I would comment on... I agree with the majority, you're not acting like a cheating by looking at porn...

but, a promise is a promise. Some people don't care as much, but I am a person to take them to heart, and your girlfriend may be that way too. If you make a promise, then you fulfill what you make 100%, otherwise why even make a promise at all

Thats my 2 cents "/

Can't promise to do something impossible... Technically that voids a promise... since a promise has to be something that can originally be kept - you can fail to keep a promise, but it will still stand that there was a good chance that the promise could've been kept.

Yeah. I do. What possesses you to tell her about looking at clothed models too? How did your relationship become that of confessor and priest? This shit only becomes a problem when you engage in overshare.

Clearly, she's got some emotional issues, and she probably needs for you to help impose some structure on your relationship, so here you go:

Her: Did you look at porn today?
You: That's none of your business.

Here's another scenario, where you've been looking at porn for three hours...

Her: How was your day?
You: Fine.
(Note absence of mention of porn)

One of you has to be reasonable about this, and your willingness to share all of your thoughts about other women is not helping, not at all.

In some relationships you can share almost anything with the one you love... but usually both partners are fairly open-minded to a wide range of things. In your case... she is not open-minded to porn in the slightest... so you may not be able to share this with her at all or ever.

It depends on when you want porn. if you watch it when she's around and she tells you she's not comfortable with you watching it when she's around then hold off until she's gone as respect. If you watch it when she's not around then she shouldn't tell you if you should watch it or not.

Since you promised her you'd stop watching it and you have a few times then that can be a problem because some people take promises to heart.

This should blend well with not sharing your thoughts on porn with her.

[Lite]

Pretty much she's insecure and you're being a wuss.

Look, if you want to look at porn, look at porn. But if you're going to do it, you need to involve her in it, so that it doesn't further her insecurities. Sneaking around her back is not only disrespectful to her, but it's denying your own self something you seem to enjoy.

Just be honest about why you look at it, and work to reassure her. If she cannot be reassured, I'd say she's probably not a good match for you long-term and you're just holding on because you don't want to deal with the pain of a break-up or being alone.

Grow a spine and enforce your boundaries.

[Jay T]

She cannot control your thoughts, tell her to get over it.

You are human, you are man, you ARE NOT above instinct, make sure she knows that.

You have urges that ANY male would have, tell her that's how the world works.

She is insecure, help her cope with it.

She does not understand these urges and the minds of men, help her understand.

She thinks it is cheating, that it is wrong to look at porn, and other women, show her that there is indeed nothing wrong with what you are doing.

But... ABOVE ALL ELSE... let her know that you love her, that she is the most beautiful person in your mind, that she is the ONLY woman in your mind all 24 hours a day 365 days a year. That she has no reason at all to fear you "cheating" on her.

She may be insecure about your thoughts, the relationship, and the whole picture. But are you giving/showing any evidence that she shouldn't be?

You are a man, give your woman a reason to be confident.