problem with gf and porn

[Bo]

i used to have the same problem as your gf...i got over it. She just needs to understand that she's not the problem and that it doesn't mean u don't want her. it's an insecurity issue i'm guessing...as it was very much so for myself..

[Ms.Cruise]

I think she got so depressed. Why you need to look at porn or beautiful sexy ladies online? My idea is maybe your not satisfied with her and you want much better with her. Well, she's wondering if you guys having sex are you thinking about her or other girls or the porn movies.? Of course she gonna be insecure about it because she doesn't really know if she satisfy you or excite you in her own way. I know guys like porn movies. But I disagree with that. Specially when your already committed.

[Lite]

Fantasy fodder is fantasy fodder, can you honestly say you've never thought of anyone else? Would you rather they look at someone nameless to them, or be thinking of someone they know?

[Aeradalia]

Why can't you live without porn? Do you have too much free time in your hand are bored all the time? Are you addicted?

I'm female and I wouldn't want to live without porn. It curbs the frequency of your sexual desires (because your SO may not be inclined to have sex as often as you) and also helps to satiate when the timing of desire is a bit of a problem (SO is already asleep from working a 16 hour shift --- probably doesn't want sex). It also has the added benefit of bringing about new ideas for in the bedroom... and when both of you are not really aroused, it's the funniest thing to watch in fast forward or rewind .

I think she got so depressed. Why you need to look at porn or beautiful sexy ladies online? My idea is maybe your not satisfied with her and you want much better with her. Well, she's wondering if you guys having sex are you thinking about her or other girls or the porn movies.? Of course she gonna be insecure about it because she doesn't really know if she satisfy you or excite you in her own way. I know guys like porn movies. But I disagree with that. Specially when your already committed.

Women seem to make the assumption that guys have a 'tank' for sexual desire, that it can be filled, and when it's full they will have no room for other sexual thoughts. I have yet to find this to be true. Even if a guy is 100% satisfied in the bedroom, there's always room for porn, fantasies, and glancing at beautiful women.

Maybe he is thinking about other things... but I would imagine that thinking about his SO would be the most prevalent thought... or maybe during sex, he's not thinking of really anything at all, he's just lost in the moment.

If a woman isn't sure that she satisfies a guy or excites him, then she should simply ask. It has been my experience that guys are usually very eager to tell you about all the ways to please them... especially in the bedroom.

[sarah_rsl]

I've just finished reading through the thread and I've been a little bit surprised. I think people are a little bit quick to jump to give a diagnosis that someone is 'insecure' just because they want to a relationship to have some boundaries. Perhaps what you need is some simpering little doll who buys into the whole blokes will be blokes routine, if that's the case you should let her know so that she can find someone else.

Looking at porn is a trait that most women would find unaceptable in their partner. Not just because how it makes your gf feel about herself but what about how porn affects the way men view women in general.

She told you that it upset her and you promised her not to do it anymore and you broke that promise. Could I suggest that you develop a little bit of self control.

If you're attracted to women you meet in daily life just be discreet about it as long as you're not ogling them in public it shouldn't be a problem.

[Aeradalia]

Not just because how it makes your gf feel about herself but what about how porn affects the way men view women in general.

Could I suggest that you develop a little bit of self control.

Feelings are merely reactions... these reactions are the responsibility of those that feel them. A person can choose to adjust their actions so they may illicit a desired feeling from someone or avoid inducing a feeling. However, the person reacting/feeling can practice a little self control too. People are not powerless to control their emotions. This emotion the OP gf is feeling is based in her own insecurities. He has tried to do what she asked to help how she feels... but she's not doing anything on her end to help how she reacts. This hardly seems fair.

I'm sure men can make the distinction between a porn star and their girlfriend... and from living daily life, I'm sure they are reminded that your typical woman is not a sex-craved object of sexual desire. Men can be smart... I've seen it, heard about it, and even read about it... so it must be true .

[Muffin Princess]

OK, I feel the same as your girlfriend. I know it's wrong and incredibly stupid and controlling of me, but I didn't like my boyfriend look at porn either (I say "didn't" because he broke up with me a few weeks ago, and this had nothing to do with it by the way.) I felt incredibly insecure and felt like he would rather be with these other women than me, that maybe if he looked at them enough, he would compare me to them and realise there was someone sexier / better than me and he would leave me for someone else one day.
Yeah, I know, how incredibly stupid am I? From the outside, sure it looked like I was trying to control him, but I hated feeling the way I did and wished I didn't feel like that and could just accept that he's going to be attracted to other women without wanting to leave me, but I just couldn't help it and I hated myself.
Now it's even worse as he lost his feelings for me and he's not just going to be looking at other women any more, he's actually going to be dating them and sleeping with them and I'm losing sleep and making myself feel sick because of it. I feel sorry for your girlfriend. You need to find out why she has a problem with it and work on her issues perhaps to do with her self image or confidence, or if she really is just being controlling.

[Ms.Cruise]

I'm sure men can make the distinction between a porn star and their girlfriend... and from living daily life, I'm sure they are reminded that your typical woman is not a sex-craved object of sexual desire. Men can be smart... I've seen it, heard about it, and even read about it... so it must be true .

men is smart...they always have their way.

[Aeradalia]

men is smart...they always have their way.

The same could be said about women .

[lesa]

I'm sure men can make the distinction between a porn star and their girlfriend

Lol, you give men too much credit. Men can be extremely intelligent but when it comes to sex, he is controlled by his testosterone and is really hoping to have his woman to be a sexy porn star for him. If not, then he will have to settle for more porn hehe.

You know this to be true already.

[vashti]

You need to find out why she has a problem with it and work on her issues perhaps to do with her self image or confidence, or if she really is just being controlling.

I don't think these two are mutually exclusive issues, but in any case, I don't think it is his problem to work on; it's hers. Sure, he can be supportive, but he's not a therapist, which is what it sounds like she needs.

[IndiReloaded]

The only thing I think he did wrong was to promise her something that was unreasonable for her to ask in the first place.

Porn has been around for as long as humans consciously realized they have penises and vaginas. Anyone seen old Japanese woodblock porn? Or ancient Chinese dildos? Porn is as old as the hills & its not going away.

This is a problem with her insecurity, not his enjoying porn. If it was ALL he did, he was addicted, or it was interfering with his interest in her sexually, then I'd say she had a point. But I don't think that's the case.

He should tell her this, nicely, of course. And mbe gradually introduce her to some soft porn to make her more comfortable.

[Muffin Princess]

I don't think these two are mutually exclusive issues, but in any case, I don't think it is his problem to work on; it's hers. Sure, he can be supportive, but he's not a therapist, which is what it sounds like she needs.

The problem started off being hers, then she introduced it into the relationship and now it's his problem as much as hers, whether he likes it or not. If it's affecting the relationship, it's something they need to work on together.

[starbuck]

Looking at porn is a trait that most women would find unaceptable in their partner. Not just because how it makes your gf feel about herself but what about how porn affects the way men view women in general.

Do you have any statistics on this? I'm genuinely curious.

Personally, I have no problem with a bf watching porn as long as it isn't an extreme habit for him.

[Lite]

Do you have any statistics on this? I'm genuinely curious.

Personally, I have no problem with a bf watching porn as long as it isn't an extreme habit for him.

Generally I've found the issue to be more directed towards the man not including the woman in looking at porn, and the types of porn viewed.