Is she messing me around?

[casco]

Hi All,

heres the scenareo..

• She's 18, i'm 29
• We've liked each other for about 18 months, but she had a boyfriend
• She left my company, I got in touch to see if she was single or not, and we met. She tells me she is in a relationship
• Next day, she dumps her boyfriend for me and wants to meet up (harsh!)
• We date for just 1 week, and I tell her that I want to know she is ready to date me fully, as she had only just split up. The next day she called it off saying she needed time to herself. She asks me not to contact her for a few weeks.
• Today (3 days later) she texts saying she can't wait until the new year and when could i meet her?
• We arrange to meet tomorrow, then she texts back a few hours later saying she can no longer make it as she has to give her brother a lift somewhere, and "she'll be in touch"

All of the above happened in less than 2 weeks. I really like her, but from a girls point of view why is she blowing hot and cold do you think?

[RedneckCorvette]

To me, it sounds like she is unsure of what she wants. I'd suggest letting her be on her own for a while. Trying to be with a girl right after a break up is one of the biggest mistakes guys constantly do.

Also, just a thought, because of your age (no offense) she may think that you're going to want to get more serious than she's ready for.

[carl1222]

To me, it sounds like she is unsure of what she wants. I'd suggest letting her be on her own for a while. Trying to be with a girl right after a break up is one of the biggest mistakes guys constantly do.

Also, just a thought, because of your age (no offense) she may think that you're going to want to get more serious than she's ready for.

Because you are somewhat older than she is, you are probably no longer used to the flightiness of an 18 year old girl.

Besides, there are probably all kinds of things going on in the background between her and her ex right now that you are unaware of.

It's a huge red flag that when you expressed interest, she immediately dumped her boyfriend for you. Why hadn't she dumped him before?

You said "She left my company" ... are you the owner?

What does "We've liked each other for about 18 months, but she had a boyfriend" mean?

Carl.

[Illusional]

girls at that age dunno what they want from a relationship.

raverboy

[casco]

Because you are somewhat older than she is, you are probably no longer used to the flightiness of an 18 year old girl.

Besides, there are probably all kinds of things going on in the background between her and her ex right now that you are unaware of.

It's a huge red flag that when you expressed interest, she immediately dumped her boyfriend for you. Why hadn't she dumped him before?

You said "She left my company" ... are you the owner?

What does "We've liked each other for about 18 months, but she had a boyfriend" mean?

Carl.

Hi Carl,

yes i think the age difference is something to do with it although she insists she is a "mature" 18 year old, but i kind of knew that i may be shooting myself in the foot by getting involved with someone who is at a different stage of their lives.

She claimed she was going to dump her BF anyway, but me getting in touch made her do it sooner rather than later (she was going to do it after xmas but decided she wanted to be with me as they were not getting on).

The company is not mine, i wish it was though!

We've had chemistry at work for a long time (at the time i wasnt sure if it was chemistry or curiosity from her) but she has since told me she has also liked me for a long time. I sort of though she had a BF, it was the word on the street so i never asked her. I wanted to wait until she had left the company so it wouldnt get messy. Turns out she did have a BF as i suspected, so my radar is on good form.

She has also told me that she doesnt really fancy her BF, and didnt for a long time, and that recently she has been treating him really badly as she can get away with it, because he is such a walk-over. She has also said that as she doesnt have many friends (she has been in the area for only a couple of years) she found it hard to split with him as she was always with him. They were together for 4 months.

Blimey... reading this back, she sounds like a liability really!

I have tried to chat with her about the age difference, the space she needs because she has recently split etc, but she insists her head is clear - then she goes cold again.

I am begining to think shes using me for an ego trip to keep me chasing, and its not funny!

[carl1222]

Hi Carl,

yes i think the age difference is something to do with it although she insists she is a "mature" 18 year old, but i kind of knew that i may be shooting myself in the foot by getting involved with someone who is at a different stage of their lives.

What 18 year old doesn't think he/she is a "mature" 18 year old? It takes a few years to realize that folly. And yes ... even if you get together, the age/stage of life difference will probably come up to bite you.

She claimed she was going to dump her BF anyway, but me getting in touch made her do it sooner rather than later (she was going to do it after xmas but decided she wanted to be with me as they were not getting on).

If this is true then it's much better than if she is a girl who waits to line up a replacement before getting out of a bad relationship.

The company is not mine, i wish it was though!

In this circumstance, that is good. If you were the boss, I was prepared to slam you!

We've had chemistry at work for a long time (at the time i wasnt sure if it was chemistry or curiosity from her) but she has since told me she has also liked me for a long time. I sort of thought she had a BF, it was the word on the street so i never asked her. I wanted to wait until she had left the company so it wouldnt get messy. Turns out she did have a BF as i suspected, so my radar is on good form.

OK, I WILL slam you on this one. As a 27-28 year old man flirting with a 16-17 year old girl ... what the hell were you thinking?????

She has also told me that she doesnt really fancy her BF, and didnt for a long time, and that recently she has been treating him really badly as she can get away with it, because he is such a walk-over. She has also said that as she doesnt have many friends (she has been in the area for only a couple of years) she found it hard to split with him as she was always with him. They were together for 4 months.

Blimey... reading this back, she sounds like a liability really!

Sounds like it to me as well.

I have tried to chat with her about the age difference, the space she needs because she has recently split etc, but she insists her head is clear - then she goes cold again.

I am begining to think shes using me for an ego trip to keep me chasing, and its not funny!

Maybe ... or as I mentioned in my earlier post ... you don't know what's going on in the background between her and her ex boyfriend who I'm sure did not want the breakup.

Carl.

[carl1222]

OK, based on your answers, here's my advice.

First of all, I think you are too old for her and she is too young for you. If you were 35 and she were 24, an eleven year difference might be alright ... but you must know that she will go through enormous changes over the next 4-5 years ... she simply won't be the same person that she is now.

Second, you are her rebound relationship. I personally would never get romantically involved with anyone who has broken up in the last 3 months. She needs that much time to be ready, and you don't need her coming to you after you have jumped in with both feet and saying "Casco, I'm sorry ... but my ex and I have decided to try again."

You don't need that kind of pain.

As much as you'd like it to work, I think you should definitely pass on this one.

Carl.

[misombra]

she's too young for you. go find someone a little closer to your own age.

[carl1222]

she's too young for you. go find someone a little closer to your own age.

I agree ... at your age, look for a minimum of 24 years old.

Carl.