He's out all night - this time he still hasn't called

[Hurt&Confused]

I have been dating a man in his early 30's for 4 months now, I am in my late 20's. Things progressed pretty quickly, originally to my protest, and we have talked of moving in together in a few months from now.
During the week, and most of the time when we are together, things are great. Although arguments tend to happen on the weekends when he has been drinking.
He has clled my by is ex's name when he's drunk, which obviously caused an uproar, but more hurtful is when he flakes out on plans to go drinking with his buddies, and sometimes ignores my call.
Last night was one of those nights. It's 6:30pm now, and I have still heard nothing from him. No phone calls, no texts. And I have been tring to get in touch with him since last night.
I feel like he's trying to show me that he doesn't want to be controlled, last night on the phone (drunk) he said he felt like he was on a schedule. We did have plans last night, and he bailed to drink.
But I woner if he is cheating and/or just doesn't really give a shit.
My ex pulled this same crap and I eventually kicked him out. This feeling is all to familiar and I'm scared.
I am ready to get more serious and eventually settle down, he claims the same, but then acts like this.
Am I being blind or overbearing?
Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated.
Thank you

[carl1222]

a 30 year old frat boy ... what a catch!!! (sarcasm)

Hurt, restore my faith in womanhood and answer your own question as if your best female friend came to you with the same story.

Carl.

[misombra]

it's too soon to move in together. and those are some serious red flags you're mentioning.

it's just a terrible idea altogether.

[carl1222]

it's too soon to move in together. and those are some serious red flags you're mentioning.

it's just a terrible idea altogether.

Red flags? red flags, Misombra??? DEFCON 5 ... Homeland security level red.

Danger warnings ... flee for your life ... this relationship will blow up in 10 seconds ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ...6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... KABOOM!!!

Hurt, if you stay with this guy, you are an idiot!

Carl.

[Aimee]

He sounds too messed up. Maybe his drinking problem is running his life? I would say leave him behind.

I've noticed that sometimes guys display what I think of as erratic behavior cycle where they act like they're interested and then they act like they're not... and so on... And then if you talk to them about how contradictory it is, they seem to "betray" they don't really know what they're doing. But... I've decided that how can they not know? And if they can't actually come out and say it, then it must not mean very much. So if they don't act totally interested, and if they can't show some level of consistency or explain when they're being inconsistent, then could it really work later?

I would feel deeply hurt if someone I was with was doing that... and maybe I would be so attached to them that I wouldn't know how to break away... and so lost in my emotions that I can't think clearly... but imo this is the sort of thing where you have to break away, for your own time, and your own sanity.

[lastwish]

wow...and you're considering moving in with him? He needs to get his act together and do something about his drinking problem.

[carl1222]

He sounds too messed up. Maybe his drinking problem is running his life? I would say leave him behind.

I've noticed that sometimes guys display what I think of as erratic behavior cycle where they act like they're interested and then they act like they're not... and so on... And then if you talk to them about how contradictory it is, they seem to "betray" they don't really know what they're doing. But... I've decided that how can they not know? And if they can't actually come out and say it, then it must not mean very much. So if they don't act totally interested, and if they can't show some level of consistency or explain when they're being inconsistent, then could it really work later?

I would feel deeply hurt if someone I was with was doing that... and maybe I would be so attached to them that I wouldn't know how to break away... and so lost in my emotions that I can't think clearly... but imo this is the sort of thing where you have to break away, for your own time, and your own sanity.

Wow, Aimee ... what a great display of confidence and understanding compared to your own thread! You go, girl!

Carl.

[DoesntMatter]

Wow, Aimee ... what a great display of confidence and understanding compared to your own thread! You go, girl!

Carl.

Carl are you gay by any chance?

[carl1222]

Carl are you gay by any chance?

DM ... get a grip, dude! Oh wait .. DM getting a grip too ... danger, danger run! hahaha

[Aeradalia]

He's in his 30's, drinks A LOT, and blatantly ignores you... then on top of that he wants to move in with you. Somehow I do not see husband, kids, two-car garage, white picket fence, and the 'perfect domestic life' being built off a foundation as flimsy as this.

You can't change men... so don't even get your hopes up. There's no magic speech that will 'open his eyes' to how much of a grand prize you are and how much it'll hurt him when you're gone.

Take this as a lesson learned (apparently twice according to your words)... You need to really sit down and think about what you would want out of life, and then imagine what attributes a man would need in order to help you achieve that. Then you might have a better idea of what kind of guy you should be looking for.

Cut him loose and move on. You already know this in your heart... so why bother staying?