In Love With Someone Who Is Not Sure He Loves Me

[rawducky]

My brother asked me if I would host a friend of his from Turkey, where he is on sabbatical. I agreed I would take care of this gentleman because my brother had told me he had no friends in the US and didn't know heads or tails of NYC. When I first met him, he was nice but I didn't find him appealing. Our first night, he had brought me so many gifts I was astounded. Even his parents and his sister sent me something as well as their regards for my taking care of him! Two or three days passed with us living together and we started to sightsee together. I started to really feel for him, and he, for his part seemed to be warming to me. We kissed several times and almost progressed beyond petting but we both agreed the chances that we would see each other after this would be rare and that maybe we shouldn't commit too much to chance. He told me that he respected a woman who did not cave in and guarded her virtue. It made him hold me in high regard as a lady. He continued to be warm to me. When my mother and him met, they hit it off and she told me if I had to move to Istanbul then God bless me - I had better not give him up! We were very happy together until the end of his trip here. When I fell ill, he took care of me; when I was sad, he consoled me. He was unlike any man I had met before anywhere. It wasn't a foreign thing, it was a HIM thing because I had never met someone with such impeccable manners, quality of being, concern and so giving. I really fell for him before he left. The days were so empty without him there anymore. We still talk three to five times a DAY via email and chat almost every to every other day online (cellphone is too expensive). He asked me to come to Turkey for a month and we would stay with his parents and go all over the country. Then I told him the truth, how I felt. He told me last night that he doesn't love me but that he doesn't love anyone. He says love is a gift from God and he will not rush it because he will only marry the woman he loves and will wait however long it takes. I told him how I felt, how powerful my emotions were for him - that if I saw him again, I didn't know if I could resist him. All I want to do is be with him. I want to kiss him all over. I want to give for once and not take. I just want to be and lay in his arms and all this seems like an amazing nightmare - my fantasies mixed with the horrid reality that someone I want to be with only wants to be my best friend. Can best friends like this be lovers? Can he ultimately end up loving me and maybe doesn't realize it or am I doomed to pine for him forever? I have dated many many men and I'm no young thing. His absence makes me distracted, I haven't slept or ate. I can't. Looking at food makes me wretch. What is wrong with me?