What did i do wrong?

[brokenhearted07]

I need help realy realy bad ive never been this depressed over a breakup before. My boyfriend of two years said that he doesnt want to talk to me ever again. First some brief background information back in januaray we started going to college together and alot of bad things happened he became controlling over my new found freedom and i did not like that then he found out his mother was sick and it went down hill from there. I have been very controlled as a teen and at college i wanted to explore but he needed me and I couldnt be there because i was takign care of me. He got depressed started makign suicide threats drinking and making my life hell so i pushed him away and as always another boy was watchign and waiting and i found consolence in him. I regret what i did but i never had sex with him or anything it was just fliting and a couple of kisses but my boyfriend had broken up with me and i didnt believe we were getting back togeter. the part that hurt him the most was he saw texts a couple of days after to the boy but i was drunk and hurt which is no excuse but just for info. Short story fast we got in alot of fights but got back together over the summer but i think its because i pressuers him to be with me. This semester went ok simply to the fact i confined myself to my dorm room and spent all my time with soly him but now hes different. He doesnt love me the same and doenst do the things he used to do and I believe he doesnt love me as much even though he says he does. All this built up into anger which currently now leads me to this forum. We are home on break and i havent seen him in 11 days until today. he doesnt call me and when I do talk to him hes upset because im sad and alwas crying but i just want him to love me but he says he is and doesnt know why im complaing but i tell him how i feel and he doesnt understand and ultiatmly today got in another big fight please tell me what im doing wrong anyone.

[IndiReloaded]

Wow. I can feel the raging hormones coming through this post. Holy moley. Try to relax darling, this is not even close to being the end of your world, even if it seems like it.

I would say you've just experienced your first major breakup. We all go through it at some point. This is a rite of passage of youth. You were together for 2 years, so its natural for you to feel some loss & confusion.

The major thing I sense from your post tone is: flight. You seem to feel your freedom is being stifled by this relationship. There are things you need to figure out about yourself before you will be ready to be in such a serious relationship, I think. Usually, this type of growth requires you do this alone. Don't make the mistake thinking that someone else will have the answers for you. They won't.

Your ex BF has issues, also. That's clear from his making suicidal threats & other controlling behaviour. Yikes. If he says he doesn't want to speak to you, I'd respect that. Leave him be.

So, that's about all I have to say on this. You aren't doing anything wrong, just dealing with some strong, confusing emotions for perhaps the first time in your life. When things seem overwhelming, try to pause and pay attention to what you feel but without letting it take you over. Its a hard thing to learn, but very useful. Hope this helps.

[brokenhearted07]

I dont know i mean he stopped being so contorlling after he saw what it cause and he realised he should have handleded thinggs differently as well but its been about 6 months since all that happened and we had made so much progress but I dont understand why he cant forgive me he made alot of bad choices to and said alot of hurtfull things to me but i forgave him because I love him that much and I want to be with him its just so much stress my parents have never liked him and he refuses to try to have a relationship with them and that hurts me alot becahse I dont have a big family its just me my mom dad and sister. and thats something thats important to me. I mean they dont need to be best friends I just want there approval and him to be able to tolerate being around them I mean there paertns I understand. And I dont know I feel like im asking for to much and maybe I am. He keeps telling me I'm crazy and thats why we cant be together but he only thinks im crazy cus im always crying now and fighting and yelling at him. But thats only because he wont listen to me I have basicly mapped out the simply things i need to be happy and thats a phone call a day I mean we been 2gether for 2 years I'm not expecting no 4 hour conversation anymore, all i want is him to show he cares and that he misses me and is thinking about me and he loves me, and i simply just want time thats the most important thing a person can give and he doesnt give me alot of it. He has a hobby of producingbeats and rappin and I understand it takes up alot of time but the first year we were together he made time for me he even use to make songs for me but ever since 6 months ago everything is different and I feel like he doesnt treat me the same. Am i wrong for complainging that I dont feel like hes in love with me anymore I know he loves me but theres a difference between loving someone and being inlove with them. And he just disagreees and thinks I'm so far gone but idk.

[Gigabitch]

IMO, the thing you're doing wrong is trying to get him back. Let him go- you are lucky to be rid of his wretchedness.

[swargolet]

I know he loves me but theres a difference between loving someone and being inlove with them.

This is exactly it. He loves you, but he has lost feelings for you. I have learned that major experiences like this often times do 2 things. 1. You learn a ton from them, and 2. It usually makes one person feel less for the other.

College relationships are extremely hard because like you said, you want to be independent. Both you and him are growing up and are changing and finding different things in your life. I think you should accept those changes and reevaluate your situation. Do you want to be in a relationship where all you do is fight and cry? I realize that it is extremely hard to let go of someone you love, but what is truly better for you?

I'm 20 years old and also just went through a hard break-up, and I have realized that I have years and years ahead of me. College is supposed to be the best 4 years of our life! I know that my first 2 years in college weren't. Get out there and explore. Dont be tied down at a time like this.

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but you really do need to look at your relationship and see if it is the best thing for you. From what you have wrote I don't think it is.

[brokenhearted07]

But wonder by me not talkign to him and leaving him alone is the wrong thing wonder if he wants to be with me and is just waiting for me to call and to say sry and dat im wrong or something I mean idk just i love him so much like more than anyone I have ever loved even with all his issues i still love him hes my bestfriend hes my everything and i dont want to be the oen to give up and I dont want him to think i dont care because I do

[Lite]

Sounds a bit codependent and that perhaps you have issues of your own to deal with. Starting with why you ran away to others when he was having issues rather than supporting him.

Call it quits, and stop giving so much of yourself to someone who doesn't want you.