What is everyones personal definition of Love?

[Lite]

indi tbh i don't know what to believe. i do think that we all need people to use and we all need people to use us, whether it's with the same person forever, well i don't think it's possible, we all get sick of things after a while

Or, you could simply accept that some of us are wired for monogamy, some polyamory, others aren't wired for long-term relationships.

All three of these can be signs of personality disorders, emotional issues, or personal experiences that are unresolved in regards to how it affects your 'wiring'. I know some very happy people who are in open relationships, I know some people who are very happy in closed ones. I do not know any very happy people who are either poly or afraid of long-term commitment.

The latter group tends to have something in their past that prevents them from being able to be happy in a general sense. Whether that be chemical imbalance, or just a really bad childhood, or maybe they hate the color yellow.

[Lite]

Then if you know what love is, why are you arguing the meaning of it?

Because he gets off on being eternally contrary to everyone else here.

[doppelgaenger]

Or, you could simply accept that some of us are wired for monogamy, some polyamory, others aren't wired for long-term relationships.

All three of these can be signs of personality disorders, emotional issues, or personal experiences that are unresolved in regards to how it affects your 'wiring'. I know some very happy people who are in open relationships, I know some people who are very happy in closed ones. I do not know any very happy people who are either poly or afraid of long-term commitment.

Hey OV, or anyone in the science department, what does the evolution theory have to do with this? If life evolved over so many years, could that mean 'disorders' and preference are a matter of genetic mutation?

[Lite]

Hey OV, or anyone in the science department, what does the evolution theory have to do with this? If life evolved over so many years, could that mean 'disorders' and preference are a matter of genetic mutation?

I'm not OV.

What's interesting is if you observe people who are truly damaged and have issues that stem from their childhood, you can usually figure out about what age the trauma occurred by watching as they regress.

Did OV have something bad happen to him about the age of 14 or so? Pretty much he's contrary to everyone, insulting, and espouses deep fear of anything resembling commitment. General state of jokes and commentary as far as what should "gross" someone out...

[Aeradalia]

All I really know with any certainty is I'm with someone who makes me feel happy and good about myself... their effect on me is positive... my life is much better for it... and they feel the same effects too. Out of this I am satisfied emotionally, mentally, and physically/sexually. On the flip-side... I want to make them feel happy and good about themselves too... I want to please them emotionally, mentally, and physically/sexually...
We get along well, grow used to one anothers company... and genuinely care about each other, as well as want to listen to what the other has to say...

Call it a mere bio-chemical result.. biology... or some mythical unknown... but the simple facts are this... nobody really knows with absolute certainty how this occurs... or else we'd all be in agreement about the definitions and the causes.

Maybe it's good to have some mysteries in life... it seems to kill the boredom...

[ecojeanne]

but lite don't you think that divorce rates are a sign too that it's not neccessarily about personality disorders which btw gets thrown around a lot when people hear what might be the reality of life, i'm only surmising, but half of all marraiges fail right? the other half left are they truly happy? and the rest who don't get married they also have personality disorders? c'mon you're reaching for something that sounds like a fantasy to me. don't get me wrong, like i said, it sounds nice what indi said but it also sounds like a fairytale

[Aeradalia]

What's interesting is if you observe people who are truly damaged and have issues that stem from their childhood, you can usually figure out about what age the trauma occurred by watching as they regress.

Yes... very true, and if you happen to be the one that's damaged... it's very difficult to moderate the effects such trauma can have on your behavior. I tend to regress at times, especially when I am stressed... much to my dismay.

[Lite]

but don't you think that divorce rates are a sign too that it's not neccessarily about personality disorders which btw gets thrown around a lot when people hear what might be the reality of life, i'm only surmising, but half of all marraiges fail right? the other half left are they truly happy? and the rest who don't get married they also have personality disorders? c'mon you're reaching for something that sounds like a fantasy to me. don't get me wrong, like i said, it sounds nice what indi said but it also sounds like a fairytail

Well, there's a combination of issues at hand. Women are no longer doormats to men like they were in the past. Sure they're still yet overcoming patriarchial issues, but that's to be expected for a while yet. Which is just one aspect. Look at highschool in the US for example. Life skills classes are no longer required curriculum. No classes on money management, bill paying, cooking, cleaning, etc are required at this time. The biggest stress on any marriage is typically finances.

Not to mention that nobody seems to really understand what a marriage really is when they enter into it. They have this fairytale pipedream of what an amazing time it is going to be, but they're not prepared at all for the work and sacrifice that goes into making a relationship work.

We're also now taught that conflict is bad, and that compromise is key. You know what's worse than having a winner and loser in an argument? Two losers with a half-assed compromise that makes NOBODY happy. When two people have a disagreement there does need to be a winner, and there does need to be a loser, and you need to be OK with occasionally being one or the other. There's not gratification in a compromise. People will disagree, fight, have problems. You need to find a way to work through that in a manner that is constructive for both of you. For some couples that's screaming, for other's it's rational discourse. It's a dynamic that needs to be established by the couple.

[Only-virgins]

Then if you know what love is, why are you arguing the meaning of it?

Why would I argue something I know that I don't know ?

[Aeradalia]

but lite don't you think that divorce rates are a sign too that it's not neccessarily about personality disorders which btw gets thrown around a lot when people hear what might be the reality of life, i'm only surmising, but half of all marraiges fail right? the other half left are they truly happy? and the rest who don't get married they also have personality disorders? c'mon you're reaching for something that sounds like a fantasy to me. don't get me wrong, like i said, it sounds nice what indi said but it also sounds like a fairytail

People tend to breed despite having family histories of genetic problems... some people are awful parents and raise children who are 'damaged,' and then the offspring of such situations grow up and raise children that are genetically damaged... abused in some way while being raised... or both.

I sometimes wonder if the concept of 'normal' is really the fantasy and we are all just different levels of damaged or defective... some more functional than others?

[Only-virgins]

Hey OV, or anyone in the science department, what does the evolution theory have to do with this? If life evolved over so many years, could that mean 'disorders' and preference are a matter of genetic mutation?

Well first of, your problem is that you are assuming that he is right...and he isn't. Neither of those are "disorders" , they are cultural norms..this is the realm of anthropology and sociology. How does he know who is happy and isn't? Some cultures had only one alpha male even.

I'm not OV.

It is good that you pointed that out, I think he maybe would have had trouble figuring that out.

[Lite]

Why would I argue something I know that I don't know ?

Because you're secretly infatuated with Haddaway?

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsCXZczTQXo"]YouTube - Haddaway-What is Love?[/ame]

[Lite]

Well first of, your problem is that you are assuming that he is right...and he isn't. Neither of those are "disorders"

I don't think I said they were disorders. Just different views on relationship dynamics. Many of the people who espouse these relationship dynamics have disorders, but the views themselves are not to blame for the disorders.

[Lite]

I sometimes wonder if the concept of 'normal' is really the fantasy and we are all just different levels of damaged or defective... some more functional than others?

Normal is a relative term. If you're used to living in a household with alcoholic parents, then that's 'normal' for you. I look at my wife's parents and shake my head trying to imagine the hell that her childhood was and I can't do it. It's not only incredibly painful for me to imagine, but I can't see my own parents doing such things.

My parents aren't saints, nor perfect, but my view of normal causes my wife to shake her head about my family's dynamic of interacting with each other. It's kind of amusing for us to exchange details back and forth about it.

[doppelgaenger]

Why would I argue something I know that I don't know ?

Because smart people don't argue about statements which have already been proven to be true.