Married and a Lesbian

[Danielle38]

I am Danielle, I have been married to my husband Henry for 17 years and we have 2 great kids, I am also gay or bi. I had a few times had sex with girls in high school and college, but when I met Henry who is so beautiful we got married and the feelings for women went away, but two years ago my sexual urges for other women resurfaced, and I have been having sex with several other women the past two years, one of them is my daughters best friend who is 18. Her and I have been seeing each other regularly for sex, we go to her house or my house or we go to a hotel. But sometimes when she isn't available I seek other women. My husban and I still have sex but it is less lately, but I am in trouble, a former female assistant that I was having sex with is suing me for money claiming wrongful termination. I do love my husband and my family, Should I tell my husband and kids?

[IndiReloaded]

How old are your children?

Also, is this post for real? Just checking you're not a troll, don't be offended.

[lesa]

Are you a troll? The Love Forum can't help you at all. Your situation is beyond messed up. I suggest going on Jerry Springer for advice.

[Bo]

why in the world would u sleep with your daughter's best friend?

[Aeradalia]

I am Danielle, I have been married to my husband Henry for 17 years and we have 2 great kids, I am also gay or bi. I had a few times had sex with girls in high school and college, but when I met Henry who is so beautiful we got married and the feelings for women went away, but two years ago my sexual urges for other women resurfaced, and I have been having sex with several other women the past two years, one of them is my daughters best friend who is 18. Her and I have been seeing each other regularly for sex, we go to her house or my house or we go to a hotel. But sometimes when she isn't available I seek other women. My husban and I still have sex but it is less lately, but I am in trouble, a former female assistant that I was having sex with is suing me for money claiming wrongful termination. I do love my husband and my family, Should I tell my husband and kids?

Assuming that you're not a troll... My advice would be to tell your husband. It doesn't matter if you were with men or women behind your husband's back... cheating is cheating, regardless of gender.

I am bi, and though I've never had the desires shift (my attraction remains relatively 50/50), I can sympathize with the confusion you feel. But shifting sexual interest is no different than simply falling out of love/attraction with your husband.

It's not fair to your husband or your family to continue with this... tell your husband, and it will be up to him how he will choose to respond. As for your daughter's friend... I can only hope this isn't going to affect your daughter in a horribly negative way --- wouldn't be much different than if her father was sleeping with her best friend.

Being bi or gay does not excuse cheating... contrary to popular belief.

[lesa]

Being bi or gay does not excuse cheating... contrary to popular belief.

I have never heard of that. In fact, I heard (friends and observation) that bi's are the biggest cheaters of all sexual orientations.

I apologize for the generalization.

[Aeradalia]

I have never heard of that. In fact, I heard (friends and observation) that bi's are the biggest cheaters of all sexual orientations.

I apologize for the generalization.

I take no offense, because I don't cheat... though I am saddened that bi's do have this image...

[lesa]

I know it's not true but it does make you cautious if you are in a relationship with a bi. You wonder if they may have desire for the other sex at any moment.

Traditionally, at one given time, a couple can only be gay or straight. There is no bi when you are a couple or in a relationship.

[Aeradalia]

I know it's not true but it does make you cautious if you are in a relationship with a bi. You wonder if they may have desire for the other sex at any moment.

Traditionally, at one given time, a couple can only be gay or straight. There is no bi when you are a couple or in a relationship.

I think with any relationship there is always the risk that one or the other may stray... this is risk everyone takes, and it seems unfair that one orientation should be held more suspect than the other two.

Not speaking for other bi's, but when I'm in a relationship I readily share with my partner the adoration of both genders. If I am with a guy, then I will openly share with him in the discussion of women (i.e. watch porn together, comment on women we find desirable... etc.) and if I am with a woman (who is usually bi as well), then we will share in open discussion about men. This has helped to rein in my other desires... discuss them, share in them, and then have my bf/gf join in the arousal. This is not necessary all the time, and not even the majority of the time... for I am usually focused intently on them... but on occasion, it helps to have them join when I am aroused by the other gender.

Fidelity is possible with a bisexual orientation... just as men, who are usually lustier than women by nature, can be faithful as well. Yes, I find both genders alluring and I do have strong urges at times... but I'm not an animal and I do have self-control. I'm sure there are plenty of other bi's that can be in a committed relationship and not stray.

So, at least with this bi, there's not need to wonder when I'll have desire for the other sex.... rest assured, I'll tell you .

[lesa]

But the significant other will definitely have to be sexually adventurous to possibly keep their interest?

A man with a bi girlfriend will have to somehow quench her desires of being with women and vice versa.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I'm sorry, but I do not want to believe this is a true post.

[Aeradalia]

But the significant other will definitely have to be sexually adventurous to possibly keep their interest?

A man with a bi girlfriend will have to somehow quench her desires of being with women and vice versa.

A bi female could keep her desires for females in check if she were to be with a male... and if she were strong enough... she could possibly do this for years.

For the greatest chance of success, yes the male she is with would have to be somewhat sexually adventurous. In my experience there have been two ways (for me anyway... unknown in regards to other bi's). One way is by the well known 'threesome' in which an addition female is included, but is merely a toy for one or both... this can lead to complications and leaves the relationship 'open' and thus redefining it. Another way is through fantasies... roleplay and such. Basically driving the person to the point of arousal with the aid of creativity to where the desire for either sex becomes mixed/confused... and they accept what is available instinctually.

I have partaken in threesomes and though I have felt no desire to form any kind of relationship with the additional female... there is always the risk that the guy could favor the female over me. Rarely have I truly felt a need to have a female physically there... usually these threesomes were more to satiate the desires of the men I was with. As a general rule I avoid this when possible... though it is fun to joke about it.

Roleplay is something that has worked well for me in curbing the desire for women. This and porn, especially when mixed together. It is a personal preference and not a reflection of how the typical bi person copes in such situations. I attribute the success of this further to the love and devotion I have for the man I am with, for it keeps me focused. Also, his creativity as well as his awareness of my bisexuality keeps my interest and though hard to explain, increases my love for him and my feelings of being accepted... embraced.

[misombra]

lol. this is funny.

[starbuck]

I can relate, Danielle. I'm also married to a wonderful man, but he just can't please me like a woman can so I, too, have been having affairs with other women left and right. In fact, one of my most recent flings is a young, beautiful part-time model who just recently discovered that she likes girls. So I am showing her the ropes, if you catch my drift. I have another girlfriend who is a dominatrix, and she really knows how to punish me. Yet another one of my girlfriends, a very sexy school teacher, has expressed interest in joining in with me and my husband.

What do you guys think? Should I spring this on him one night? Or keep my torrid, lesbionic affairs a secret?

[vashti]

Starbuck - you are a secret lesbian? I never knew it! i must confess that now that I know, I am slightly turned on. I've never experienced a woman before... do you think you could show me a trick or two?