Increasing Attraction...

[Aeradalia]

Sometimes when I am talking with my bf and we're not being even remotely erotic... I'll still somehow be turned on by him. Even if I think about him in non-erotic ways, just thinking about him in general is arousing. As time goes by, I have noticed my attraction for him has increased. He says he feels the same way towards me too.

I've never encountered this before... in past relationships the attraction was intense initially, then leveled off (and stayed that way for a while) and eventually tapered... steadily reducing in intensity. I have discussed this with him and he says his past relationships were similar... and though he has theories, he admits he's really not sure why this is.

I fear the answer to this will probably be simple and I'll be wondering why I haven't thought of it... but I'll ask anyway. Why do I feel my attraction for him growing stronger as time progresses... whereas in past relationships all the attraction was immediate and slowly dwindled over time?

[carl1222]

Maybe you're truly in love for the first time, ya think?

Carl.

[Gigabitch]

That's what i think. All engines are firing for the first time. Whoo-hoo!

[sophie0028]

Love thats it... dont think much..just go for it.

[1averagejoe]

Looks become less necessary when you really care for and love someone.

I wasn't initially that attracted to my ex, but as soon as I got to know her it got better. Then I couldn't keep myself off of her. There's more to it then just looks.

[Only-virgins]

Looks become less necessary when you really care for and love someone.

I wasn't initially that attracted to my ex, but as soon as I got to know her it got better. Then I couldn't keep myself off of her. There's more to it then just looks.

Yea must have been true real love. OH wait...she is your ex..lol

[1averagejoe]

Yea must have been true real love. OH wait...she is your ex..lol

When we were together you dumbass.

[Bo]

it's not such a terrible thing, don't even worry/think about it. Unless it gets to a point where you two can't go anywhere without ripping eachother's clothes off, then it might be a problem. lol

[Aeradalia]

it's not such a terrible thing, don't even worry/think about it. Unless it gets to a point where you two can't go anywhere without ripping eachother's clothes off, then it might be a problem. lol

I tried really, really hard to see how this would be a problem... I mean I really put in the effort... but I just can't see this as ever being a bad thing.

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I understand that looks shouldn't really matter... and in past relationships I hadn't really paid that much attention (and this one included)... but to be honest, he is pretty much my 'type.' He's not too tall, has a more wiry build, and overall 'good-looking' (not drop dead gorgeous... which I am thankful for... never really cared for 'pretty boys').

On top of that... he has a personality that is both typical (standard male method of thinking) and sweet-natured. He's also very creative and intelligent.

I read a post somewhere on this site that mentioned men in their 30's who are single have a reason for it (possibly a problem with themselves). He's 35 and has been in a few committed relationships (5 of which he did tell me of... but in a respectfully vague sense). Though he mentioned these relationships seemed to dwindle with the women saying he was 'too sweet' or 'too nice.' So far I haven't been able to see this as a problem. We both have a tendency to focus our affections on a few people in our lives... and we both enjoy basking in such seemingly 'overwhelming' affection. Perhaps this was his major flaw in the past? Just trying to be realistic... but despite all the affection he gives, I do not find him at all 'clingy.'

[damn2008]

I think you've probably heard that women throughout their 20's are very confused most of the time regarding relationships and what they want. They will often overlook the geniune good guys for the excitement of the bad boys.

It sometimes isn't till their early 30's or so that they realize what they REALLY want.

[IndiReloaded]

Is this the fellow who is leaving soon for Iraq? Are you sure you aren't somehow mentally psyching yourself up for his leaving with all this?

You tend to overthink yourself into things, Dalia, IMO. Sorry to be the sober 2nd thought here, but I think you should consider that you WANT everyone to tell you "yes, its True Love" and all that.

Have fun, see what happens during the distance and when he gets back. THEN you'll know the truth. Hold on to your heart, girl.

[Only-virgins]

When we were together you dumbass.

I was going under the unconditional love definition you know. Dumbass.

[Only-virgins]

It sometimes isn't till their early 30's or so that they realize what they REALLY want.

Yea but they are used, abused, and ugly by than so who cares?

[1averagejoe]

I was going under the unconditional love definition you know. Dumbass.

No where in this thread did anyone say unconditional. I never said it was unconditional love, I'd be a jackass to still be with someone that cheated on me.

[Aeradalia]

Is this the fellow who is leaving soon for Iraq? Are you sure you aren't somehow mentally psyching yourself up for his leaving with all this?

You tend to overthink yourself into things, Dalia, IMO. Sorry to be the sober 2nd thought here, but I think you should consider that you WANT everyone to tell you "yes, its True Love" and all that.

Have fun, see what happens during the distance and when he gets back. THEN you'll know the truth. Hold on to your heart, girl.

Yeah he leaves in about a week... so I am trying to do many things right now.. I guess. Normally I can block out emotions and carry on with life... even been able to do this in past relationships... but with him I can't.

So I find my emotions are trying to 'burn the candle at both ends' so to speak. I feel that part of me wants to believe he's such a great catch so that waiting for him will seem worthwhile (and a big part of me does... perhaps 99%). While another part of me is seemingly attacking his character trying to find fault, so I can be somewhat apathetic and his leaving won't hurt as much.

I've been without friends and relatives for many months at a time (even years with close friends) before seeing them again... but for him to leave for 6 months is quite early in our relationship. I feel devastated, and can sense that petulant cry within me that says 'It's not fair! and the urge to want to sob like a small child.

I have no doubt about my faithfulness... it's far too strongly ingrained in me. I may flirt over the next few months and have male friends... but they won't lead to anything... I won't let it. He knows this and I am happy I can offer him that peace of mind.

I can't guarantee that I can hold onto my heart, because it wants to go wherever he goes... I've waited too long for someone like him to lose him now.



Essentially I just have the jitters because he's leaving and I know I won't have my 'emotional shield' to protect me... I'll have to deal with all these emotions in full force. I know I'll be ok.. it's just me 'bitching' I guess.