how long???

[Jazzersize]

i've been seeing "cynthia" for a year. everything has been pretty good. however i have a big problem now.

three months ago cynthia was raped. i have waited patiently and i tried to help her. since then she will not have sex with me tho. how long do i need to wait until she gets over this??? i tried to get her to sleep with me last weekend but she broke down and cried. now its new years and i have nobody for tonight. this really sucks. i cant wait forever.

[swargolet]

Do you realize how big of a thing rape is? If all you are looking for is to get laid this is not the girl for you. She went through an extremely traumatic event in her life and if she had sex with you it would bring it all back which is why she broke down when you brought it up.

Right now she needs a nice guy for support not a guy to have sex with. Help her through this. Although to you 3 months seems like a lot, to her it probably feels like it happened yesterday. It will take a long time to get over it, but instead of asking to have sex you should be there for her. She knows that you want it and when she is ready for it she will ask.

[Cain]

The OP has a legitimate concern. If she's just hoping time will heal the wound then this could go on for quite a while and sexual intimacy is important. Is she in therapy? This is definitely something that she should be talking to someone about.

[lost1976]

I think that OP should give her space and time without making it sound like e breakup, especially because she is so vulnerbale at the moment.

I would sit her down and say, lets take it easy for now, you know I am your friend and you can count on me, let me know how i can help you. OP should stop expexcting sex. Its time to man up.

[vashti]

If your girl is not actively pursuing help, I can't blame you for being concerned. Some people allow rape to define them for the rest of their life (not that I can blame them), and they never recover. If you don't think you can be a source of support for her (be honest with yourself here), then you should break things off. She doesn't need to be unduly pressured, and you don't need to be chaste the rest of your life.

[IndiReloaded]

How did she end up raped 3 months ago if you've been dating for a year? It wasn't you, I hope?

[Aeradalia]

i've been seeing "cynthia" for a year. everything has been pretty good. however i have a big problem now.

three months ago cynthia was raped. i have waited patiently and i tried to help her. since then she will not have sex with me tho. how long do i need to wait until she gets over this??? i tried to get her to sleep with me last weekend but she broke down and cried. now its new years and i have nobody for tonight. this really sucks. i cant wait forever.

Women are very, very emotional creatures and what has happened to her is something so bad that it can and will cause post traumatic stress disorder with the same intensity as the PTSD that soldiers have. Rape is so bad that if men endure it... it messes with their heads for years and years too. That's the magnitude of the situation. So three months might as well have been 3 minutes ago to her.

Whoever raped her... basically demonstrated through the act that she is weak, men are strong, and at any given moment a man can simply take away her freedom, her self-respect, her happiness, and her life. She had to endure the horrible realization that even though she may not have wanted him mentally... her body doesn't care and reacted accordingly. Her mind refused but her body welcomed it and she can barely handle the guilt.

Her spirit has been broken and her eyes opened to one of the greatest atrocities of life... even the strongest of people cannot handle this for long... and someone as gentle and caring as the typical woman will be crushed... even risk losing their minds if they don't seek out help.

I can understand that you want a normal relationship and maybe she didn't mean a whole lot to you... but as one decent human being to another... at least help her through the initial phase. Get her to a counselor or therapist quick. After a few weeks... you could safely move on without that messing with her head too much --- get her family involved to help her with the burden.

[sarah_rsl]

If she's not in counselling then she needs to be. In the UK there are walk in rape crisis centres I'm sure there is something similar in your location and that's where as gently as you can you need to steer her towards.

Also you need counselling as well , at some stage I expect her counsellor will ask to see you together. Rape crisis centres in the UK also deal with the relatives and loved ones of victims, help you to cope better so that you can help her . Get in touch ask for advice. Their advice is going to be much more useful than anything you get on here.

[Aeradalia]

This will provide some preliminary information for you and her:

[url]http://www.rainn.com[/url]

[sarah_rsl]

How did she end up raped 3 months ago if you've been dating for a year? It wasn't you, I hope?

I just thought it was worth reprinting the above statement since nobody else has commented on it.

If you accept what the original poster wrote at face value. In that he is being truthful and looking for help. Well it takes a special kind of person to write something like the above.

[Muffin Princess]

Jesus Jazzersize, have a bit of sympathy for your girlfriend! If all you want is to get your end away then you don't deserve her. She's been through an extremely traumatic situation and it might take her a long time to get over it. You need to be there for her and wait as long as it takes. But if you want sex that badly, then you obviously can't be the friend she needs right now. Don't rush straight into sex, she's going to need to take it slowly. Start with kissing, move onto foreplay when she's ready, taking it at her pace. Make her feel like a proper lady, she needs to rebuild her trust in men again.