In a mess

[dominic]

Hi all, I posted here on regarding a story on xmas eve, and how I ended up kissing an old school friend on that night (lips only) because of both being an old crush, plus alcohol, plus the fact I was missing my g/f on that night since it was my bday, and asked advice as to what to do. I have ended up not telling her as nearly all advice has been to not tell her because it was a xmas kiss, and that there was nothing to be gained out of telling her due to almost certain dumping. However in the time since then I have seen my feelings for my current g/f almost dissipate, and things feel as if, well to me anyway, that we are going through the motions. Is this down to my sense of guilt for that event? Have we run our course? etc. Plus will things be like this forever at least in my head unless I told her or will things get better over time. At the moment im struggling to let go of the sense that I have let my g/f down even though most peeps are telling me there is nothing to feel guilty for. Advice please P.S thanks to all those who wrote back on my first posting, much appreciated

[vashti]

I certainly didn't say you had nothing to feel guilty for! Whoever told you that gave you bad advice. The point was that you SHOULD feel guilty, and you should use that guilt to motivate you to better behavior in the future.

As for the lack of feelings for your girl - I don't know what that is about. How old are you both, and how long have you been together? If you are young (under 25 or so) it is possible that you are simply outgrowing each other. It also sounds likely you kind of knew this before you kissed the other girl, and that's why you let it happen. Maybe you should give some thought about whether it's time to let your girl go, before you do something really hurtful.

[carl1222]

You say that your romantic feelings for your gf have dissipated in the past week. How was your relationship going before you picked up this new infatuation at Christmas?

Carl.

[dominic]

Hi all, sorry Vashti, most peeps, especially friends said that in their opinion it was a xmas kiss, and whilst a little bit maybe in a grey area there was nothing to gain from telling g/f. Erm we are 24 and 23 and have been going out almost 9 months and we were both doing well, erm I will say that we were better in during the summer months and have had a few disagreements over recent months. Maybe we are growing apart I dont know. Also what I failed to put in first message, was the fact that we are both at University. I have yet to be single at Uni, is it this part of me that is wanting to be single and "have fun" as it were

[Bo]

dom, sorry to say this but it's true your friends are not good at this advice thing. Here's the thing to ponder, u/they say it was only an xmas kiss yet you two did have some sort of a history being old crushes. Alcohol and all that other bs are excuses to justify your behavior in my opinion. That's nothing new though for some reason the majority of ppl in the world think it's ok to use alcohol as a legit excuse. Unintentional or not u did technically cheat, and i think u should realize that if u don't tell her than i hope u never do it again because basically you're at the gate to becoming a full-on cheater. Cheating can progress one day you'll just kiss, the next you're lying next to each other naked, and then after you think hell, i've already gone this far so what does it matter?

[Bo]

Maybe we are growing apart I dont know. Also what I failed to put in first message, was the fact that we are both at University. I have yet to be single at Uni, is it this part of me that is wanting to be single and "have fun" as it were

And if that's what u really want than that's your choice to make, if that's what u want than yeah break up with her, and in that case i think u should tell her about the little christmas kiss. It's only fair. Right now it's either the relationship or you. so pick.

[dominic]

Ty, for reply bo, I do take your points on board, I will stress that this girl was someone I had a crush on before at school but there is a cat in hells chance I would take her over my gf. I will also stress that it was a kiss on the lips for a fleeting second both feeling lonely for diff reasons, (her being single for a while) and my missing my gf on my bday (xmas eve), I did briefly consider telling my gf on the next morning but with it being xmas day didnt think it was appropriate. I think it is too late now for telling her now tbh (at least with there being any hope of reconciliation) so am gonna have to true to let things go myself. If I cant then I shall have to confess and accept consequences. Finally I will say I can see both sides of argument, of whether I cheated or not. I shall try and keep things going as we were and put it down to a kiss on the lips between lonely old friends and no more. If I can't then I deserve the consequences. P.S when you say old crushes bo, we did nothing at school, she didnt even know I liked her, plus 6 days after xmas eve I found out she was flirting big style with another of my friends, who I think normally she would not go near

[Cain]

I replied to your first thread and my advice was to tell her. In my opinion, you don't have the right to withhold it. A Christmas kiss is still cheating. How is it any different than a Wednesday afternoon kiss?

I still think you should tell her and let he decide whether she wants to stay with you or not.