Do you think he cheated?

[Mallory]

I am in a relationship with someone since almost 5 years. We got together when he was 18. Before our relationship became serious I got to know another man, who is from U.S. (I am from Europe) and who is as well famous, which made an acquaintance with him even more attractive for me.

I fell in love with that other man and decided to kind of 'break up' the relationship I had with my current boyfriend. (our relationship wasn't a serious one at that point though).

I realized later that there is no future with that American man and I started to redevelop feelings for my boyfriend. So we got together again and our relationship was serious from that point on.

After about a year though my bf broke up with me because he felt that he did not really have a life as a single and because he just wanted to have fun at that point. This break only lasted for 2 weeks because he realized that I am more important to him than partying and having fun with girls.

Since that getting together again we were together for 4 more years. During these years I still met that American though whenever he was in Europe. I even made short trips to other countries near me to see him. I explained to my boyfriend that I am doing this because I am honored that a famous person like him even wants to see me and has some sort of friendship with me. And that it is only friendship that we have and that nothing sexual is going on (the other man also was in a relationship and marriage by the way whenever he saw me).

I won't tell here if it really was only friendship, because I want to see if any man can possible believe such a thing.
Anyways, by boyfriend said that he believes me and even though he did not like the idea very much he 'allowed' me to visit him. He also said if he did not allow it I'd probably still do it or try to get him to allow it. He also knew that I was writing emails with that man, but he never asked me to give him the password to my account - even though I knew his passwords because I was suspicious since he broke up with me once just for having fun.


Ok so the current situation is: I visited that man in U.S a while ago and told my bf a reason that does not particularely prove that I visit because I have feelings for that man. It turned out that I also cannot prove to him now that that was the reason I visited.

Anyways, two days ago I found an email in his mailbox, that he wrote while I was in U.S., where he writes to an escort that he wants to meet her to have fun with her, and that it would be the first time for him, because he never did that before.

I asked him about this and in the end he told me that he did never meet her but he was just jealous that I just made a big trip to see another man and wanted to pay me back. But he did not meet her in the end. He said he repented he sent the mail right after he did it.

What makes me suspicious though is that he was registered at a forum long before my trip, that is about 'testing whores'. He registered at a time while I haven't seen that other man for a year at least. He told me that it was just dumb curiosity and nothing more. And that he would actually never cheat on my with a whore.

My theory is that either it is the truth that he just wanted to pay me back because deep inside he was hurt I always met that other man, but too proud to admit in front of me.

Or he was a cheater all the time (remember he is quite young and did not have too many women in his life, even quit our relationship for that reason once). Maybe because he knew he was cheating he said that he does not mind if I meet that other man, just to soothe his conscience.

Last thing I want to say is that I think we always had a great relationship (also sexually), we almost never fight, and if so, it is just stupid reasons, and we tell each other how much we love each other all the time.

So what do you all think? Did he cheat or not?
Did he do it as a revenge?
Did he just use the chance of me being away for a week to do something he wanted long before?
Would you believe your girlfriend if she told you she just a a friendship with another man she meets?

[IndiReloaded]

Do you understand karma? This is what is happening to you. You are both cheaters.

If you truly care about your BF, then you need to forgive each other & you need to give up this other guy.

If you aren't sure about your relationship, perhaps its time you both went your separate ways. Good luck.

[Mallory]

Fact is that I love my boyfriend very much and that I want this to work out. But IF he is a cheater, and if he has a desire to sleep with another woman from time to time, this just isn't something I can live with. I know it does not make me look like an angel when I say I am meeting someone else, but I don't do this secretly and my boyfriend never said that he wanted me to stop this and this is making me suspicious a bit.

[IndiReloaded]

Bullshit. Sorry, but you need to read about emotional affair. You were there, I think. You know it, too, else you wouldn't have mentioned it. This US guy.

I dunno about your BF, honestly. You'll have to ask him why he did it. Try to listen and not scream at him if he says its b/c he's been feeling neglected by you. You were treating him as if he was your PlanB Guy, understand?

I'm not excusing his cheating, just pointing out that nothing happens without a reason.

[lesa]

The relationship is not healthy if there are no arguments. Arguments are good and used to handle issues and conflicts in relationships before they blow up.

The relationship is not healthy because it is full of drama. And this went on for almost 5 years?

The relationship is not healthy because you are questioning the possible behavior of the boyfriend and not looking at your own.

Please tell me that you are trolling?

[Lipp]

"Just friends" don't go travelling all over the place just to see one another. Your boyfriend had every right to be jealous and suspicious.

[Mallory]

@IndiReloaded: well, I think you are right. I actually wasn't doing something acceptable in a serious relationship. I should probably just stop seeing that other guy and find out if my boyfriend ever tries to cheat on me again.

[IndiReloaded]

@IndiReloaded: well, I think you are right. I actually wasn't doing something acceptable in a serious relationship. I should probably just stop seeing that other guy and find out if my boyfriend ever tries to cheat on me again.

Yes. Make a choice.

However, your BF did cheat. There are many ppl who would tell you that you didn't cheat, physically at least. So his decision may or may not be forgivable. That is for you to decide based on how things go. You may end up breaking up regardless. Good luck.

[Mallory]

The relationship is not healthy if there are no arguments. Arguments are good and used to handle issues and conflicts in relationships before they blow up.

Whenever there is something that bothers me I tell him and we eventually fight. Its happens very seldom though, because there just isn't much that bothers me. Normally he does the same. It might just be that he did not tell me he is bothered so much by the other guy.

For me it is just not the case that I swallow up things that I worry about, I always confront him. And I actually never felt any sort of tension - I always felt happy in our relationship. That is the truth.

The relationship is not healthy because it is full of drama. And this went on for almost 5 years?

The drama is there just now. We did not have drama for 4 years. Whenever I visitd that other guy my bf did not treat me any different than he always does. He never really showed negative feelings for me. And I did not treat him any different after meeting that other man.

The relationship is not healthy because you are questioning the possible behavior of the boyfriend and not looking at your own.

I do look at my own as well and I am starting to realize that meeting the other man has to stop and that I need to restart with my boyfriend.

Please tell me that you are trolling?

what is that?

[Mallory]

Yes. Make a choice.

However, your BF did cheat. There are many ppl who would tell you that you didn't cheat, physically at least. So his decision may or may not be forgivable. That is for you to decide based on how things go. You may end up breaking up regardless. Good luck.

So you think that he indeed met that woman and had sex with her?
do you think taking the step to write an email will also make you take the next step?

[IndiReloaded]

These are things you'll have to sort out by discussing with him. I have no way of knowing.

What I do know is that, just b/c he doesn't say anything about your US 'friend', doesn't mean it doesn't bug him. Real men suck these things up, tho probably too much in his case.

Talk to him about all these things. If he hasn't cheated (yet), consider yourself lucky. Since you say you care about him, take the steps to make things better b/t you two so that you don't feel the need for this other man. Or any other.

I don't really have much more advice to offer. Good luck, Mallory.

[lesa]

If you guys are communicating well, then how are you in this situation now?

Also, did you not state that you have been seeing this man for about 4 years now? And that the boyfriend broke up with you and other issues?

[Mallory]

If you guys are communicating well, then how are you in this situation now?

Also, did you not state that you have been seeing this man for about 4 years now? And that the boyfriend broke up with you and other issues?

My boyfriend probably just did not want to confront me out of pride and HE wasn't communicating. I did not know before though that he was swallowing things. He did not let me know by anything.
Maybe the first time he broke up with me had something to do with me seeing that other man as well.
All in all I think our relationship has always been quite happy and I am hoping that breaking contact with that other man might be the solution.

[lesa]

The relationship is not healthy if there are no arguments. Arguments are good and used to handle issues and conflicts in relationships before they blow up.

The relationship is not healthy because it is full of drama. And this went on for almost 5 years?

It sounds like you may have a lot of work to do in maintaining a healthy relationship.

[richeanne]

hey tnx for the reply awhile ago, well I'm not a guy either but if i were your man, I wouldn't believe your "friendship" with that other man, especially that u exert efforts like goin abroad to meet with him.
I'm a woman like you, and I know in myself, I wouldnt do that if that other man, isnt important to me at all, like, hell y would i?
I think your guy is really in love with you, cause the fact that u had an affair yet he still accepted u wholeheartedly is something a player wouldn't do.
Now about the cheatin thing, I dont think he ever laid a finger on that whore, he's just tryin to make it appear that he's unaffected on what you're doing and that he can compete with it. And all that boils down to jealousy, he's just jealous.
So if you really love your guy, u can stop seein the american man, and set your eyes on your man only. Because I think he did that all the years ur together.
well, it's just my opinion.hope u appreciate =D