Guys, this was a very stupid thing to do right?

[ecojeanne]

^^^
my comment was only a precaution to her, after all it's not about me and i don't know the relationship they had.

i said it was MY own experience and MY own thoughts that lizzy should think about the relationship they had more clearly before she takes him back, i think thats ok to share it, jeeze i seem to have to spell things out to you lite.

i don't see my view as defeatist but rather self preservation.

[Lizzyb6938]

WTF is up w/ this poker face bit? Is your dating life so rooted in bullshit games that you cannot honestly say up front that you do or do not want to date the person?

You are 100% OK without him, you just seem to have feelings for him that either you haven't resolved, or have chosen not to work on resolving. Which means you make a decision on of whether to pursue them or not. Either way still nowhere near the end of the world.

no it's not rooted in games at all. what made this relationship so refreshing was that from the start we both knew exactly where each other stood. i was only playing hard to get because he broke up with me. i don't think how i've approached things is unjustified, just wanted to keep my cards close to my chest, until he came home.

I don't think it's the end of the world in fact one of my friends thinks it's a good thing because if we're ever going to move forward i have to let my barriers down.

your comment is completely valid, it's true she may hurt him, but imo he brought it on himself. i don't think she wants to intentionally hurt him coz it seems atm she is leaning towards taking him back; but that she wants him to work for it coz he messed her about by breaking up and then changing his mind.

I completely agree with you. I love him and miss him but i feel as though i can't just let him walk in and out of my life when he feels like it. I don't think he will respect me as much if I've just let him come and go as he pleases. if I just welcome him back no questions asked, he'll just think he can always do this.


Thanks ecojeanne for your warning. sounds horrible, you poor thing. well as far as our relationship goes he has NEVER done anything like this before. he has been the most wonderful, devoted, amazing boyfriend ever and we had a great relationship which made us both very happy. he's a good guy, not a game player. we have alot of respect for one another and our breakup was not about falling out of love with one another but just stupid little fights towards the very end which I wholeheartedly admit were my fault. he just had a snap. It took everyone by suprise because we were a 'no fuss' kind of couple.

That msg was harmless and you are thinking about this waaay to much. His response sounds cool. You should try it.

Balls in his court now. Wait and see if he calls you. Relax.

Thanks!! this is what I'm going to do

Basically I don't want to play games anymore. I've been having fun and could continue to do so, but I miss him like crazy and would love to give it another go, so I'm just going to relax and wait to see what happens. His last email said he sent me a letter while overseas which I still haven't got so it should be interesting to see what that says.

[Lite]

i don't see my view as defeatist but rather self preservation.

It must be the hopeless romantic in me (Yes, folks tis true, mine is merely well tempered.) but isn't the point of such a relationship to find a person whom you trust so implicitly that you surrender your heart to them?

It isn't self preservation, it's a half measure coping mechanism that you personally set in place over your failure to address the underlying issue of why you let him treat you poorly in the first place.

Repeat after me. "I am a worthwhile person, and I will not date people who are beneath my love, trust, and own self worth." Repeat that line often enough until you believe it.

[ecojeanne]

^^lol, i know myself what i will now put up with lite, mr i know it all just coz you're a little weaker than me doesn't mean i have to be, c'est la vie

[Lite]

^^lol, i know myself what i will now put up with lite, mr i know it all just coz you're a little weaker than me doesn't mean i have to be, c'est la vie

I don't know everything, but I'm grounded enough to recognize things when I see them. But, you keep trying to tell yourself that you're tough. I'm not the one who has to do things for "Self preservation"

[ecojeanne]

everyone has to self preserve in one way or another, lessons learnt will help lite, you might want to take heed, some people are just gluttons for punishment

[Lite]

everyone has to self preserve in one way or another, lessons learnt will help lite, you might want to take heed, some people are just gluttons for punishment

It's called actively living your life. Making decisions when they need to be made, not ahead of time. Might try it sometime.

[Mish]

I love him and miss him but i feel as though i can't just let him walk in and out of my life when he feels like it. I don't think he will respect me as much if I've just let him come and go as he pleases. if I just welcome him back no questions asked, he'll just think he can always do this.

So this is where you need to tell this to him (face to face or in an email it's not important). But in those exact same words you need to let him know how you feel and what your expectations are. I honestly think it's in very bad form and is really immature to play pretense "I'm like this, but really I'm like that". If something is really important to you, you open up communication channels and let the other party know your expectations. Then you won't need to hide and have a cover that might get blown.

[ecojeanne]

It's called actively living your life. Making decisions when they need to be made, not ahead of time. Might try it sometime.

i already do hun thats why i'm answerable to nobody but whom i choose, it's fun you should try it sometime