Horrible Situation

[Maldini]

I'm currently living in a house of 6 with a girl I really really like. We got together about a month and a half ago while quite drunk. We then slept together a few times since (drunk and sober) and would kiss basically every day. One of these nights I told her I liked her and wanted a relationship and she said she wasn't sure as she was scared of the awkwardness that would follow a potential break-up and that the housemates would act differently around us if they knew we were a couple. But she also said that she wouldn't find it easy going back to being just friends and that she would wanna go out with me if we didn't live together.

Since she told me that, it all came out that we'd been together (apparently the housemates had known for ages and we thought we had been all stealthy about it). The night it came out we slept together again (sober).

Anyway we're at uni so we then went off for xmas break. I asked her if she wanted to come to London to stay with me for a couple of days. She made up some rubbish excuse about having so much work and going away for a while; she clearly could have come if she wanted to, especially as I know she found time to go out with her home friends quite a lot. Over the holidays we didn't speak much; only on 3 separate days.

Anyway she got back yesterday and we went to the pub with some friends. She got quite touchy-feely at the pub and I didn't respond much. She got a bit drunk and said something silly which I laughed at. I was only joking around but she got quite offended and called me a "pr*ck" etc and got a bit aggressive. Anyway when we got back, I went to her room to sort it out as she had sobered up and she said that she was joking around too and that I was making her out to be a "bunny boiler". I asked if she wanted me to stay that night and she said "probably best not to".

Basically it feels to me like we've broken up even though we've never properly been together. I love her a lot and really feel like i've been strung along by her. Now I just feel like going out and bringing home the first girl I see as I basically want her to feel jealous (I know this isn't nice but it really pains me to see how she seems to be fine with nothing more happening while I'm feeling so depressed). It doesn't help that I've got important exams coming up and there's now 6 more months of living together. I should also point out that we were friends for 2 years or so before we got together.
I really needed to get that off my chest. Please give me your opinions.

[ecojeanne]

i think she likes you yes. i also thinks she doesn't want to chase you. i think she wants you to continually chase her. she also sounds like a drama queen coz of her so called 'joking' reaction (partly coz she expected you to respond like a lapdog) and walking out. she needs to chill out a bit and don't let her treat you like you're a piece of ass. continue to stand up for yourself and you'll see her come running, that is; if you want her drama. sometimes drama queens are fun, they're never boring anyway, good luck with whatever you decide

[Maldini]

Thank you for your reply. I'm not really sure if she's a drama queen although I can see why you said that. I think she might be scared of the fact that she likes me because as she says she's not really good in relationships and she doesn't want all our mutual friends to see her differently. I agree with you that I need to stand my ground and basically I'll do everything I can to not chase her anymore which will be tough as I really do love her. To be honest I want her to come to me realising she's made a mistake and I think that will happen if I go out with another girl. I know it's horrible but I want her to feel jealousy and feel depressed like i'm feeling.

[ecojeanne]

be careful, you might end up hurting someone else by using them to make her jealous. karma, as they say is a bitch.

[tryingtoforget]

Sorry, that sounds like a lame situation to be in. doesn't sound like she's genuinely into you. If she were, you'd be dating. At least, if it were me and I truly liked a guy, I wouldn't string him along like that. The "I'm not good at relationships" is a line. If you want to be with someone, you let it happen. She sounds like she's just toying with what's in front of her. You deserve better.
And don't take the immature route, her indecency will pay her back soon enough. Hopefully you'll get to witness it and it'll make you feel a bit better.
What on earth is a "bunny boiler"?

[Sophomore_Slump]

Were you close friends before you slept together? If so, it could be that she did genuinely like you before all of this, but for fear of irreparably ruining your friendship, she did nothing about it until that first drunken night - a moment of weakness, if you like. Maybe her reluctance to pursue a relationship is based upon the same fear - that if you were to have a full-blown relationship together, it would be impossible to go back to just being friends, whereas at the moment, it still might be a possibility. A case of she'd rather just be friends and keep you in her life, than to risk a break-up and potentially lose you altogether, if that makes any sense to you.

It could also be a fear of commitment or of developing strong feelings for you. How has she behaved in her previous relationships in regards to commitment and loyalty? Has she been hurt a lot by men in the past?

Not saying it is any of those things, but it's just my take on it, because it does sound as though she likes you IMO. x

[ilovepanties]

women do like to play hard to get. If you know what you want, then you should go for it!

[Maldini]

Thanks a lot for your replies guys. We were close friends before we got together; we really click and are comfortable around each other; at least we used to be. I don't think it was one night of drunken weakness on her part; she told me after we got together that she'd fancied me basically since we started living together in september and that she'd been jealous when I went out with another girl. She was also the one who instigated the first night together by suggesting we stay in in an empty house and crack open some wine.

I think S_S, your point about her being scared of losing our friendship is true but for me it feels like it's too late. I don't know if I can be as comfortable around her now as I used to be.

As for the making her jealous by taking home another girl, I think that I exaggerated; I mean more just going out with other girls, having fun with them.

Once again thanks for your replies guys. Last night I was feeling rly depressed but have been better today. Tonight i'm sure I'll feel down again though as it seems the nights are much worse. Hopefully time will heal but it's tough when we're in such close proximity.