Third date

[starbuck]

Today I have my third date with the guy I've been seeing (calling him Y). The history of this is in a thread called "Dating and Disclosure". We're having an afternoon lunch date then going to his apartment so I can play with his two very young kittens (don't laugh). I had the choice of doing the date either Saturday or Sunday and I picked Sunday because there's less of a chance that I will stay at his apartment and sleep with him. Ha!

I do feel like I want to jump his bones at this point, but my gut is telling me that this is something that I should do on the fourth or fifth date. I can tell he's really into me though. He emails me at work several times a day and texts at night. We've been talking an hour on the phone every night this week, too. After this date, I'll probably take down my online dating profile and just see him exclusively. I really like him too, but something tells me I need to take it slowly with this one.

Ironically enough, I got these random emails from the sloth last night. Song lyrics and a message that said (I corrected his bad grammar and spelling):

"Sending you these lyrics because I heard this song for the first time tonight. Made me really think about you and how wrong I was and still am."

The songs were about someone fcking up and losing his love.

Anyway, I'll post the date results later on.

[RSK]

I'm happy for you. I'm sure you will have a great time, and if you are right about him, then be careful! If I were you, I'd take it slow as possible, and see if he is still interested.

Sorry, I don't know too much to the story, but how long have you known him for?

As a guy myself, I am always a certain way on dates. But at about the 4th or 5th date, you start to be yourself. Sometimes it takes longer. But in my most recent case, I've been seeing someone and she still doesn't know the real me! ahh! so that is the only reason I am saying to really get to know him.

Anyways, sounds like you have a great weekend coming up, have fun!

[lesa]

Trust your gut feelings. And I agree with RSK, I would take it as slow as I can to build a stronger relationship, if that's desired.

Also be careful with letting a man know that you are exclusively into him too soon. Some start to pull back at that stage. Make sure you guys are on the same page (later when it gets serious). Always stay on the same page and NEVER assume anything.

Good luck and have fun.

[vashti]

Yes - keep him waiting a bit. As dumb as it sounds, if you give it up too quick, they seem to lose interest. Have fun!

[starbuck]

I think we're on the same page right now. One night we were talking on the phone about the last place we went on vacation, and he said something like "Don't worry, I'm not booking the flight anytime soon, but I want to let you know my mom has a house in Italy where we could stay." Now, normally a comment like that would scare me a bit, but since I really like him, it didn't.

Another time he mentioned how he wanted to buy GTA4 and I said, "Save your money because you can play it at my apartment on my Xbox." (Thus why my friends call my apartment my "lair") He said, "That's true. I'll wait and play it with you." He also mentioned introducing me to his friends soon.

Unless he's being a total player, it's nice to know he's thinking of me for future plans. I'll still proceed with caution though.

[starbuck]

I'm happy for you. I'm sure you will have a great time, and if you are right about him, then be careful! If I were you, I'd take it slow as possible, and see if he is still interested.

Sorry, I don't know too much to the story, but how long have you known him for?

Thanks RSK. And not for very long. I've only known him for two weeks. There's definitely alot of mutual attraction (I sense), but yes, slow is very, very good.

To be honest, no red flags so far. None whatsoever. Given my recent history, I'm flabbergasted that there hasn't been anything that's made my spidey senses tingle about him. Or maybe it's because the last few guys I've been talking to were such losers, that Y looks like a total prince for just being normal.

[misombra]

how sweet! how could he not fall in love with you?

[DoesntMatter]

I do feel like I want to jump his bones at this point, but my gut is telling me that this is something that I should do on the fourth or fifth date. I can tell he's really into me though.

Well if this is the 3rd date and you don't want to do anything until the 4th or 5th, that isn't much of a stretch at all is it? Especially because he's really into you! He will be willing to wait another week or two Just don't make it another month or two, or his blue balls might explode

[1averagejoe]

how could he not fall in love with you?

No joke


Nah keep him on hold...if he really cares about you he'll wait.There's no rush for sex. Just take it easy Starbuck.

I'd have no problem waiting months for sex if I really cared for someone. A few dates isn't a big deal. If he's got blue balls, he can beat one or two out in the mean time.

Don't you hate situations like this? Where you're just getting to meet someone but you're not sure if they're playing you.

[Lite]

Congratulations, just make sure you have some of your own condoms available when you do want to sleep w/ him. You know. Just in case. Is he from NYC, or imported recently?

What is it about exes using song lyrics to express how they feel instead of their own words? Oh right, by then we're able to see through their bullshit prose, so they hope that someone else's bullshit prose will work instead.

[Charlie Boy II]

Nice Starbuck, and like all the others I think the longer you wait the better.

Girls actually don't seem to wait anymore? It's a dying practise.

[lesa]

Just don't make it another month or two, or his blue balls might explode

I disagree. I would make him wait as long as I possible desire, if I am serious about him.

I agree with the rest. Women don't understand that a man may be horny, yes, and you as well but he will value you more if you wait.

Once you start practicing all your dates like this, you begin to feel "valuable" as well. Hope that makes sense. You feel good and more confident about where the relationship is going when you do these thing. When you sleep with someone before determining what kind of relationship you have, you start to question it along the way rather than having fun.

[starbuck]

Just got back from the third date and it was amazing! He met me at the train station and when we got to his apartment instead of going out for lunch, we decided on takeout and a dvd. I also brought cat toys for his kittens, and we opened them up and watched the kittens play with them. We curled up against each other during the movie and completely skipped the ending due to being much too interested in making out with one another.

One thing led to another and, I um, didn't full-on have sex with him, but I wasn't completely chaste either. Let's just say we went to second base (getting very close to stealing third)

He asked me to stay the night, but I didn't because obviously I had work the next day and no fresh clothes. He wasn't put off at all and just said simply, "I'd love you to, but you don't have to." And when it was time for me to go, he walked me to the subway station, and we made plans to go out another day this week as well as the weekend. He also wanted me to text him later and let him know I got home safely.

I rode the train back home going: "Gah! Everyone on LF told me to wait!!!" But I feel really great about the whole evening. The intimacy actually opened up some major chemistry on my end that, for whatever reason, had been stifled on our previous dates. So I actually have no regrets. I had been waiting for those butterflies to kick in and now they have.

Thanks for all the advice guys, even though I didn't fully take it lol.

[Mish]

If the butterflies are in then it must be going great. Sounds good Starbie, good luck for the following dates

[Dasein]

That's great news Starbie.

I must say that it is all well and good to have these plans of "I won't sleep with him until 2 months" or whatever but I think if you are intelligent enough (which you are) you should do what feels right and to hell with the rules.