Sexual problems in relationship

[AJ2009]

Hey guys I would appreciate it if you could give me some advice with a problem that me and my girlfriend are having. She's 19 and i'm 20, we've been together for nearly a year and a half. At the beginning of our relationship we used to have great sex on a regular basis, but as the months have passed she seems to have lost interest in sex completely. We have it now no more than once a month. We do really love each other and she has even expressed her desire to get engaged, which i think shows that she's not thinking of leaving me. Another problem is that when we do have sex she is not interested in experimenting at all, its the same thing everytime and she's not interested in any foreplay before and if i try to be different from what she specifically wants, she flat out refuses! Surely sex shouldn't be like this? basically rules are there of what i can and can't do, which is fair enough if it's something extremely different, but for any other couple these things would be normal such as foreplay or a different position. All of this has had an effect on my performance, i don't know whether its lack of sex, performance anxiety or whether she just doesn't turn me on as much anymore but im experiencing problems that iv never had before like sometimes i just can't last at all and sometimes i lose my erection just after we've started! any advice would be great thankyou

[vashti]

Is she taking birth control pills or any other medications like antidepressants? They are known to diminish libido. If this may be the problem, she should speak to her prescribing physician about a medication change.

Also, it is possible that she isn't reaching orgasm. Some girls fake it early on in a relationship, and their guy thinks they are studly in bed, when in reality, the female isn't enjoying it nearly as much as she should be. Also, some girls really aren't sure whether they are orgasming or not. (If they aren't sure, they aren't.) If this is a possibility, you need to work on technique.

Also, it is possible she simply doesn't have the same drive that you do. Females sexual peak is in the mid 30s, while males peak in their early to mid 20s. Obviously, this means it is common for there to be a mismatch in interest.

In all cases, you need to be very open about communicating your issues with her. Sex problems cannot be solved by pretending they don't exist.

[AJ2009]

no she's not on the pill, she's got an implant in her arm which she's had for the pasy 2 years or so. I guess it could be technique, she says otherwise, like she does really enjoy it but is never really in the mood. The thing is, it is difficult for me to get her feeling like it in the first place seeing as when i try she refuses sayin she's tired or just a flat out no i don't want to, which is fair enough i respect her decision, but i'd say once a month at the most is not normal for a couple of our age? Also she told me before that in her previous relationship she used to have sex with him near enough everyday, even though in her words "he was completely useless and she didnt feel as strong for him as she does me" it just kind of doesn't make sense. i have spoken to her about it and haven't really gotten anywhere

[vashti]

Birth control implants are made with the same chemicals as are used in birth control pills. Personally, I would explore this avenue. Ask her if she feels like her interest in sex has declined since she had it put in. Don't be aggressive about it - she is probably already feeling defensive.

[Aeradalia]

Birth control implants are made with the same chemicals as are used in birth control pills. Personally, I would explore this avenue. Ask her if she feels like her interest in sex has declined since she had it put in. Don't be aggressive about it - she is probably already feeling defensive.

I'd have to agree... though I didn't have the implant, I was on the shots... and it almost completely killed my sex drive after a few months. I went from wanting sex once or more a day to being lucky to be aroused once every 2 or so months. So the chemicals in the birth control medications can be very influential to a woman's sex drive.

Also, I wasn't really aware of the effect the shots had on me... I became rather emotional and unwilling to be reasoned with. It wasn't until I actually stopped and thought about it one day, that I realized how profound the change in my personality was.

So, the implant may be a very likely possibility.

[Gigabitch]

It's also possible that you don't understand that sexual arousal in females is very emotional, whereas in males it's not. Try being romantic with her rather than sexual and see if she responds better. Worth a shot anyway.

[Junket]

Isn't it ironic how birth control can make a woman less interested in sex?

[Mish]

Also, I wasn't really aware of the effect the shots had on me... I became rather emotional and unwilling to be reasoned with. It wasn't until I actually stopped and thought about it one day, that I realized how profound the change in my personality was.

I find this connection between mind and body fascinating. It's amazing that something so little as birth control can have such a profound affect on the personality. Raises once again those questions which is in control the body or the mind?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Isn't it ironic how birth control can make a woman less interested in sex?

It's more like a waste of time.

[Lite]

I find this connection between mind and body fascinating. It's amazing that something so little as birth control can have such a profound affect on the personality. Raises once again those questions which is in control the body or the mind?

So little as? Birth control pills alter hormone levels in your body rather drastically actually. Those hormones alter moods, energy levels, hell even how much you bleed or cramp during your period. It's a pretty serious thing to be ****ing with.

You can do various things to trick your body into releasing chemicals as you need them to alter moods, but the truth is you cannot really consciously control how much of what your brain tells your glands to dump into your body.

[Lite]

Look, if you have issues w/ how much or how little sex you're getting now before you're married. I'd suggest you consider that maybe you two aren't compatible. There are a number of things that can influence sex drive, but for many people regular sex is a way of communicating emotion, love, and showing your partner how you care. If that's important to you, but not to them, then how will you feel in 4+ years when you've been steadily not receiving something you NEED to feel loved by them?

Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but in most relationships it is not only really damn important but it's a good indicator of the overall health of the relationship.

[Mish]

You can do various things to trick your body into releasing chemicals as you need them to alter moods, but the truth is you cannot really consciously control how much of what your brain tells your glands to dump into your body.

It's interesting that the brain is not as in control of us as we think it is. Would putting a brain in the box make you into a completely different person? I think someone should make a movie around this.

[Lite]

It's interesting that the brain is not as in control of us as we think it is. Would putting a brain in the box make you into a completely different person? I think someone should make a movie around this.

Well, your brain is in control of it. The thing is, you cannot consciously control parts of your brain that handle certain functions. You cannot will your hear to stop beating even though your brain sends electrical impulses to cause it to do so.

[Only-virgins]

Isn't it ironic how birth control can make a woman less interested in sex?

How come we don't get a pill that makes us less interested in sex? I would love that shit. but noooooooo all we get is penis enhancement BS.

[doppelgaenger]

Me so happy my girlfriend isn't on birth control!