Being Single - thoughts

[DivineMsM]

I am putting this out there because all the notes I hear about people feeling lonely as singles are teenagers and young adults. Although I don't doubt their feelings, it's just different in your 30s and 40s.

I get told time and again, the same things when I get a little teary about being alone for 5 years since a broken engagement (I'm in my mid-30s).

Yes, I like my career (work in progress), I like my friends, I like where I live, I have hobbies and I have let go of my ex metophorically-speaking, but there is still an emptiness to my life at times. I want a family, however, at this stage in my life, I have made peace with adult scenarios (i.e. - Cinderella stories are boxed with my tutus) include children for me, or my own children, but I am tired of hearing that I am either an unhappy person for very greatly wanting a partnership like many of these critics have forged. And anyway, we are are a little scarred, married, single, divorced, etc?

It's funny because I liked being single in my 20s and had very few LTR. All the girls I knew fretted and I always figured that it was silly, doesn't every pot have a lid?

I think it's so normal to want to hold someone, be held, tell secrets, travel, grow and a create a life with someone. Friends are wonderful, but they don't completely subsitute. For once, I would just like to hear different advice from my once fretting girlfriends (in their 20s mind you!) that I shouldn't feel lonely or concerned.

Although it's great to not wallow and I certainly don't want to become a wet mop, once in a while it would be nice to just hear someone say that it is okay to not be so strong alone and so optimistic about it- that it's okay to be sad sometimes.

Anyone else feel this way at times?

[Cbrider]

You're human, you will have weak points, its part of having a personality and having emotions.

Life will throw things at you that you never foresaw, but its what you decide to do with them that matters.

In my world there is no fate or destiny, I carve my own path through life as I see fit.

There is nothing wrong with being single or wishing for a family and a husband, again, its human nature to want to care for and love someone. To get that you have to be proactive, things wont just fall into place or walk through the door, its up to you to reach out and grab what you want.

Its entirely possible you just didn't fit the typical mold of wanting to get married in your 20's, life isn't about fitting a certain profile or demographic pattern, its about self fulfillment.

Its okay to feel lonely and vulnerable, its up to you how it changes

[vashti]

I didn't understand your statement about children - did you say you DID or did NOT want them? If you did, then I can certainly understand your unhappiness. Your biological clock is ticking, unlike your friends in their 20s. Some women in your position end up adopting.

[Gigabitch]

If it makes you feel any better, quite a few of those relationships that were "solidified" when those people were in their 20's are going to unravel pretty soon. Look at the odds. It's extremely unlikely that all of those relationships are going to succeed. The fact that your paired-up girlfriends are telling you that you shouldn't feel lonely or concerned is indicative to me of how clueless and insensitive they are. Maybe they'll have some realizations about this when they come crying to you about their own problems.

You're actually at an advantage, believe it or not. You are who you are. You're not some larva trying to push butterfly wings out too early. You have a LOT more to offer to the right person than most of the other singles out there.

Pep talk aside, it's perfectly understandable to be heartbroken over a broken engagement. It's almost as bad as a failed marriage. Five years is a long time, though. It's time to put that away with the tutus.

What are you doing to change your situation?

[Only-virgins]

I think it's so normal to want to hold someone, be held, tell secrets, travel, grow and a create a life with someone.

That doesn't exist. At least the secrets part. A thread here has already established that basically the only secrets you would even care of knowing about your spouse they(women) with hold from you.

[Cbrider]

If it makes you feel any better, quite a few of those relationships that were "solidified" when those people were in their 20's are going to unravel pretty soon. Look at the odds. It's extremely unlikely that all of those relationships are going to succeed. The fact that your paired-up girlfriends are telling you that you shouldn't feel lonely or concerned is indicative to me of how clueless and insensitive they are. Maybe they'll have some realizations about this when they come crying to you about their own problems.

You're actually at an advantage, believe it or not. You are who you are. You're not some larva trying to push butterfly wings out too early. You have a LOT more to offer to the right person than most of the other singles out there.

Pep talk aside, it's perfectly understandable to be heartbroken over a broken engagement. It's almost as bad as a failed marriage. Five years is a long time, though. It's time to put that away with the tutus.

What are you doing to change your situation?

Giga is right, its really sad statistically how many people's marriages fail when they marry young. The divorce rate in the U.S. is some astronomically high numbers, 45% +/- I thought I read. I personally don't want to go through the emotional pain of a divorce. My dads first wife cheated on him and it tore him in in so many ways. I have only known of my dad crying 4 times in his life....his parents deaths, when his wife cheated on him and when his beloved yellow lab died.

The only people that can consistently make young marriages work and I mean this with all respect are LDS couples.

Don't rush into something as big as marriage, it isn't a "do it till its boring" thing like Americans are making it look like.

[Gigabitch]

Don't rush into something as big as marriage, it isn't a "do it till its boring" thing like Americans are making it look like.

Agreed. It should be MUCH harder to get married, IMO. Maybe people wouldn't be so quick to jump in if they had to wait a year to get a license and attend classes on how to make a relationship work.

[Only-virgins]

Agreed. It should be MUCH harder to get married, IMO. Maybe people wouldn't be so quick to jump in if they had to wait a year to get a license and attend classes on how to make a relationship work.

If you make people attend classes to get married you doom marriage forever haha.

[Mish]

Agreed. It should be MUCH harder to get married, IMO. Maybe people wouldn't be so quick to jump in if they had to wait a year to get a license and attend classes on how to make a relationship work.

Giga for president!

[lesa]

Agreed. It should be MUCH harder to get married, IMO. Maybe people wouldn't be so quick to jump in if they had to wait a year to get a license and attend classes on how to make a relationship work.

I have a friend who did that for her religion. I may do something similar myself.