How do I make sense of this?

[Gr8kabuki]

Sorry if this is a double post...tried to post this a few minutes ago but it did not appear on the board

Last Thursday while at work, I received a text from my girlfriend of one year asking me to check my email. I did and was shocked to find a 1 paragraph message stating that she did not want to see me anymore. The reason she gave didn't make a lot of sense to me.
I am 40 years old with a solid career and a 16 year old daughter by a previous relationship. I own my own home and since purchasing it 8 years ago, I have cared for my elderly mother as well. This has never been a problem..my Mom is healthy and independent and has a large group of friends that she participates in activities with. She is essentially a roommate and has never interfered with my personal life on any level. I wish that she was younger and still able to work and support herself but this is just not the case. She has a fixed income and in these economic times that is not feasible. Plus i think it's tragic when younger people simply discard the aged. I made a decision many years ago that being the only child it was my duty to support and care for her and I was always upfront about this with my girlfriend. In fact I am proud of the sacrifices that I have made. I don't think many 32 year old single men would do such a thing and I have always said that if I was willing to do this kind of thing, any woman should see that I would take care of her even better in our later years.
When I first stared dating my ex this appealed to her on some level. She had a baby just a month prior to our first date and the father was not involved in the child's life. She was forced to move back in with her parents and after hitting it off she was excited about the prospect of me becoming the child's father. I was excited about this too and over the next year began to love and care for the child as if he was my own.
However while I was building my relationship as a future husband and father my girlfriend began to make occasional remarks about me being a Mama's Boy etc. We would fight over this. It was insulting and inaccurate and it would always end with her backing down from her remarks and apologizing. I understood her concerns ...she wanted more living space and some control over the look and feel of the home once she moved in. I let her know that we could changes things to her liking up to and including remodelling. I also acknowledged that we could get a bigger place once her career got on track and the economy stabilized. I thought we were working through it but when i received the breakup email my ex gave this as the reason that we shouldn't see each other any longer.

Only a week prior we were on a wonderful date with each other. She professed her love, we had sex...things were good. I had told her earlier that i was going to hang out with my friends Sat and Sun and watch the NFL playoffs and she acted very apprehensive...."what if you decide you like being away" she said. I told her it would just make me miss her like crazy and she then decided to go out with her friends. All seemed well...and then the email came.

When I read it i became enraged but stayed surprisingly calm. i responded saying that I was not surprised and that she would never hear from me again. i went home and began deleting pictures and myspace comments. I have been through this before and I realize that you have to move on. however after the rage subsided i began to feel overwhelming loss and heartache. i truly loved this girl and the baby with all of my heart.We shared so many of each other's unusual tastes and interests. She was the first person in almost 10 years that i felt i could really be myself around. i do not fall in love easily but when I do its the real thing. To me this was it.

I felt like I needed something more for closure other than a 3 sentence paragraph so i called her. I have never experienced such coldness. I told her that I just wanted to understand what had happened. I was planning to propose next month and we had already planned to get married next fall. She just responded by saying "what don't you understand...i do not want to talk to you again. " the she added. "since you're looking for closure i will be honest. i met someone else an have fallen in love with them." And that was it. My request for a little logic resulted in another bomb being dropped on me..

Now I can't eat or sleep. my blood pressure and pulse are both through the roof. I alternate between angry revenge fantasies , reconciliation fantasies and despair. Everything in my entire house evokes memories of her and the baby. i am trapped with these ghosts and its terrifying. My friends keep telling me that i am fortunate that its over now and I realize that but i just don't see myself getting over it for a long time and i just don't know how I am going to handle it. I don't understand how someone can be affectionate one minute and reptillian the next. What makes people act like this?.

[lost1976]

SO thing is that most people, in fact a majority, dont know how to handle a break up. She seems to be one of them. On the other hand, the message is clear from her. She has ended it. God knows why. My ex never gave me a reason.

WHat will help you is to move on but on your terms. Dont be hasty in deleting anything or throwing anything. Just get away from it for a while and then later on you can delete and throw on your terms.

Talk to someone. Talk about everything. Even to a counselor.

Finally, the truth is that no relationship thats supposed to last ever breaks up. Its as simple as that. Its a great test. If it doesnt work out it means it wasnt yours. This makes life much easier.

What you need right now is to shut her out in a way that you dont even give her any emotion or any thoughts. It will be very hard but just think of it as your revenge. Dont give her even a second of the rest of your life.