Trial separation need some info

[Zeus99es]

OKay I have officially left the home that and I and My fiance/ Girlfriend share. I use the slash because we would be engaged were it not for Financial problems. we have picked out rings etc.


We dated long ago when she was 16. broke up. and had a whirlwind reuniting after seeing each other off and on for 2 years. we have since been living together for 3 years now. We have been in our home for 2 years and money has been an Issue.


Some background:: we hardly ever fight. We are both very loving people. most of our friends are shocked by these ne whappeneings. thye say if we cant make it then they are giving up. COmpared to our peers we have it made, house, dog, pets, 2 working cars, etc. etc.


well thing shave been rough lately. I ahve taken a ne wjob (sales) that had promise for good MOney. however these tought econmic time shave proved otherwise. We work seperate shifts. so i spend each night by myself at the house, cleaning fixing things. also i left 99% of my close friends behind when we moved.





it has been 2 days of me at my parents house. and w ehave talked each day.


Essentailly it is this. I havent been makign enough money. and sitting home by myself. which makes me depressed. she handles the finances and my poor money skills combined with the low income puts pressure on us. so i stay home ot save money by myself however all that doe sits make me more upset. We essentailly have been seeing each other for an hour or two each day for the past year. which to say drives me insane. but it is due to work schedules.




we have spoken about this and I understand where she is coming from ( she requested the seperation) she says she has no desire to see other people. and all I want is her and us to be bakc on track.

I have told her I will do whatever it takes, second job etc. however she still says she needs some space and to be alone.


I nor our mutual friend think there is another guy or a desire for another guy present inn her mind.



I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I am not asking for advice because it is pretty much all up to her. I just dont want to drift apart during this separation and lose her forever.


I take good care of her. when we are together she hardly need sot do anything, i jump off the couch to get hers drinks. when her friends are over ill go get pizza for them, fix things on her firends car and in general do everything i can to help her.

I am na old skool romantic, chivalrous kind of guy. open doors clean up after dinner at her parents house and ma an all aroudn good guy.



she just says she needs to be alone for a bit. ( she has bad BF's most of her life. But i do not want to lose her. i have allready identified my shortcomings. and things i could do differently.



I just dont know what she really means by "alone" as i said our mutual friend doesnt think she wants anyone and she has said it repeatedly to myself and our friend.

I have no problem with being apart for a bit but how long is too long?



I would just like to know how it sounds to you all.


Please no extremely harsh remarks/. I am down enough as it is.



Sorry for typos

[Indignant]

is there anything else that you are not telling us? what else could she be resenting beside financial situation?

[Junket]

Financial woes are one of the biggest causes of break ups.

That's why I keep my money in my account, and she keeps her money in her account.

Everything that is mine, is in my name, everything that is hers, is in her name.

Her debt is hers, and my debt...well doesn't exist.

You need to develop a better, stable, financial independence.

[Zeus99es]

I just dont know. she keeps saying that she loves me but needs to be alone for a while. However i dont want this to just drag out.

we had it so good together..... now i juts dont know...

we didnt have a chance to sit down like adults and discuss the situation...

[UKboy]

Why not solve the issue that can be first?
It's a time of recession.
Downgrade,step down and move to a smaller apartment.Whatever can be save,save.

[vashti]

I understand times are tough, but not only is your income low, you mentioned you also have problems handling what little money you make appropriately. That would be an absolute deal breaker for me, too. Her affection for you is no reason she should allow herself to be driven into the poor-house. She is young, and has probably envisioned an economically stable future for herself, and you aren't fitting into the picture.

You have to get your sh*t together, man. You aren't a little kid anymore. If you can't afford something, don't buy it. If you need to take on another job, then man up and do it. This is a time-honored tradition that will help her build respect for you.

[Zeus99es]

Oh i know. I just wish she had spoken to me about it before hand., I have held 2 jobs most of my life. I have no problem getting a second job.

I tried several time so get her to just take my paycheck and leve me with 60 bucks a week. however she allways refused. I figure that being in such a relationship, Mortgage, bills. etc.

that whomever is bets with money should handle them. I cna handle my own bills i just want her to take OURs.

i have no problem handing over my paycheck. I make enough for the bills. just not enough to support any extracurricular activities for myself. which brings me down by sitting home all the time waiting for her.


and we are nowhere near the poor house.

[Zeus99es]

we have been tlakign every night for about an hour or so.

She says she loves me, doesnt want to be with anyone else. and just needs ot be alone for a bit.

I ask if this is just a trail seperation and she doesnt know.

IM cool with leaving her alone for a while. I will do anything for her. allways have. her parents are shocked, her friends are shocked everyone is shocked. noone saw it coming. And they think she just dwelt on things and made a rash decision / blow up.



I just dont want ot be sitting here with the hope we may come back... if she is just trying to let me down easy...

i need ot get out there and find new girls if she isnt coming back. It is the only way I will get over her.

We just looked at rings 2 weeks ago. talking about kids etc.

WTF!?!

[doppelgaenger]

I agree with Frasbee and Vashti.

If you want to make this work, you're going to have to figure out the financial situation. You need to manage your finances better, and probably more income.

[vashti]

I tried several time so get her to just take my paycheck and leve me with 60 bucks a week. however she allways refused. I figure that being in such a relationship, Mortgage, bills. etc.

that whomever is bets with money should handle them. I cna handle my own bills i just want her to take OURs..

So basically, what you are wanting is for her to treat you like a child? I don't blame her for not wanting to. She probably wants a grown-up.

I sense there is more to this story. I wish we could hear what she has to say.

[Lite]

I'm sorry, could someone give me the short-short version here? Too many carriage returns in the OP. Something something she left him?

[Zeus99es]

the more to the story is simple.....ya know what vshanti you have worse advice in the world.


short version. we had it good. I took a job the promise dmroe money. But ha snot delievered due to the economy.

we have bought a house out of our area so I essentially lost all of my friends

due to shortage of funds. i forsook all of my activities.... in exchange for keeping the house fixed and all the normal homeowner activities. She didnt have to do dishes or vacuum or anything.

however as time went on I got depressed. which caused problems between us.

she was upset that i was sad and has given me this time to get myself together.... according to her,

[Lite]

the more to the story is simple.....ya know what vshanti you have worse advice in the world.


short version. we had it good. I took a job the promise dmroe money. But ha snot delievered due to the economy.

we have bought a house out of our area so I essentially lost all of my friends

due to shortage of funds. i forsook all of my activities.... in exchange for keeping the house fixed and all the normal homeowner activities. She didnt have to do dishes or vacuum or anything.

however as time went on I got depressed. which caused problems between us.

she was upset that i was sad and has given me this time to get myself together.... according to her,

Why don't you make friends and start a "movie night" where you rent a movie and invite people over once a week to socialize. You know, rather than wallow in how you're lonely.

[vashti]

He's changed the story a bit... originally, he said she wants a trial separation (they were living together, not married). The major factor was that money is tight, he doesn't make much, and he doesn't spend responsibly. The other factor is that he is feeling lonely because money is tight, so he doesn't have a social life. He stays home at night alone while she is working. She tells him she wants him to get it together. Getting another job will minimize the amount of time he has to wallow, will bring additional income into the house (which is needed), and give her the opportunity to gain respect for him.

I don't think that is bad advice.

[Zeus99es]

well i have been learning new things as time goe son. I accept my faults and have allready begun to change them....

Mostly the job. and my social life....


I am being told by many that she has essentially made a rash decision and just dwelt on the problems and then exploded. Much like her mother ( accordng to her father) and her sister ( according to her husband).

and that i should just not call her and ignore her calls for a few days.. so that when she calls asking why? i can tell her.

she is allready asking me to go over there when she isnt there to fix stuff....


i am fully commited to doign whatever i have to however the economy in my area is severely depressed about 200 new people are filing for unemployment daily.



as ot my maturity level. I dont go out drinking. I am very polite and really dont do anything that be consider immature... besides the money thing.