Paying for dates

[Indignant]

And then they expect you to sex them?

ha ha ha, of course not! each situation is different. but if they date someone new they do expect it. our crew goes back at least 10 years. i am usually the one trying to set them up with chicks in hopes they get married eventually.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with Vash, whoever does the asking for the date should pay. That's standard etiquette.

That said, you seem to have made your offer as though it were some kind of test. That is dishonest of you. If you offer to pay for half and he accepts, what do you expect?

Some folks are brought up that if someone offers to pay half, then that means they WANT to. So it would be bad manners to override them. For all you know, he might have been worried about insulting you. That riding over your offer to pay might have somehow implied that you couldnt afford it, or some other convoluted argument.

Lesson for next time: don't offer anything you don't mean. If its your date, make it clear you intend to pay. Then just let your date reciprocate next time. Simple.

[Indignant]

Love != infatuation.

Infatuation dissipates, love often grows.

tell me that in 10 years.

[Indignant]

I
Some folks are brought up that if someone offers to pay half, then that means they WANT to. So it would be bad manners to override them. For all you know, he might have been worried about insulting you. That riding over your offer to pay might have somehow implied that you couldnt afford it, or some other convoluted argument.

but he also knows that she is a poor 18 year old girl who has values. i don't see him being interested for too long.

[vashti]

what do you think about that Vashti? do we need to tell her that the love/infatuation period dissipates after a while?

I'm sure she knows, but even after it dissipates, a sense of caring remains that would be lacking in a more causal relationship.

I personally favor elevating sex above the level of animalistic urges, and I don't think 18 year old girls even really have the sex drive that gives them the biological urgency that might motivate slutty behavior. At 18, slutty behavior is mostly motivated by emotional problems and poor self esteem.

[Indignant]

I'm sure she knows, but even after it dissipates, a sense of caring remains that would be lacking in a more causal relationship.

I personally favor elevating sex above the level of animalistic urges, and I don't think 18 year old girls even really have the sex drive that gives them the biological urgency that might motivate slutty behavior. At 18, slutty behavior is mostly motivated by emotional problems and poor self esteem.

but we do have to consider that we are dealing with a 26 year old men whose hormones are raging.

[vashti]

but we do have to consider that we are dealing with a 26 year old men whose hormones are raging.

Their motives may be different. that doesn't mean she has to cater to his.

[Junket]

I think Indig just has things wrong, regardless of her past experiences, and what her male friends tell her.

A guy does not pay for a woman because he's gotten her in bed.

A guy pays for a woman because he wants to get her in bed.

Eventually.

Any quality guys will jump through the hoops for a quality girl.

A girl that puts out so easy isn't as likely to be so quality.

A guy that expects a girl to put out so easy on the first date, is not as likely to be quality.

Absolutely not, no sex until we're in a stable relationship.

This is standard.

then most guys will have an issue with paying for a girl.

This is not standard.

it is russian tradition as well to pay for a girl.

I figured this is where you were pulling your views from. As I said, this is not Russia. (Or Los Angeles).

but if they date someone new they do expect it. our crew goes back at least 10 years. i am usually the one trying to set them up with chicks in hopes they get married eventually.

I am under the assumption (again), that these friends of yours are of similar origin and tradition as you? Then as you can see you've enveloped yourself in a relatively small bubble. Maybe you can speak for your countrymen, but I'd be damned if you spoke for me.

[p3rson]

but he also knows that she is a poor 18 year old girl who has values. i don't see him being interested for too long.

He's also a male software engineer. Not the most socially savvy group.

[IndiReloaded]

I personally favor elevating sex above the level of animalistic urges, and I don't think 18 year old girls even really have the sex drive that gives them the biological urgency that might motivate slutty behavior. At 18, slutty behavior is mostly motivated by emotional problems and poor self esteem.

Vash, you need to get that Female Brain book I mentioned before. For your daughters sake. I think you would learn a lot. You grossly underestimate the hormonal effect these girls are under. Which, btw, makes them prone to irrational "slutty" behaviour.

[Indignant]

i am not speaking for anyone, i only relaying my situation. are we here to bash everything i say again? can you not accept that everyone had different lives and their situations are as well?

[lesa]

I would like to know what are Indignant's success rates?

In other words why should we take your advice Indignant?

ha ha ha, of course not! each situation is different. but if they date someone new they do expect it. our crew goes back at least 10 years. i am usually the one trying to set them up with chicks in hopes they get married eventually.

What is the point that you are trying to convey to us?

If sex is not involved, then most guys will have an issue with paying for a girl. What is the take home message? To have sex? To not date? To pay for your date if he asks you out? What's your point?

[Indignant]

He's also a male software engineer. Not the most socially savvy group.

all of my friends are IT guys, not that it means anything to Fras.

[vashti]

Indi - I don't know what book you are talking about, but not many girls I knew were actually horny at 18. They just wanted love and power, and they were willing to trade sex to get it. Yes, their hormones are messed up, but that seemed to make the girls I knew kind of crazy - not especially horny.

[p3rson]

i am not speaking for anyone, i only relaying my situation. are we here to bash everything i say again? can you not accept that everyone had different lives and their situations are as well?

I can

But I'd be damned if I'd just sit back and let you talk about my new guy as if he's that kind of jerk.

Nothing personal.