Paying for dates

[Indignant]

Hey Dig, how are you hun?

I'm glad we got that misunderstanding yesterday all resolved.

You should make a thread sometime telling us about your experiences in Russia, as a russian woman. I'd find it rather interesting. It seems there are some assumptions in 'Western' dating culture that are not true in Russia. I'd certainly like to learn more.

and trust me, no one here is interested in my views or opinions. i don't think i am allowed to express them freely as everyone else does.

[p3rson]

we just had the whole women's rights issues thread. people don't have a price/cost. it's about morals and values. raising a daughter to expect something from men is absurd in this day and age.

No price/cost != no standards.

I expect what Vashti said. I don't think that's unreasonable. I have a lot to offer as well. I would just like to have some experience of the ritual. It's how my parents were, and my dad is super chivalrous, so it's what I'm used to. I don't think that makes me a bad person who expects too much.

Besides, I think expecting nothing from people is the problem with today's society.

[IndiReloaded]

I think it depends on your definition of 'expectations', Vash.

[Indignant]

I disagree. I believe everyone should expect things from EVERYONE they surround themselves with. The only thing negotiable is what the expectations should be.

Don't you believe men can be counted on for anything?

well of course, but we are talking about higher values then material. that's a whole new discussion, Vashti. I have great expectations of men as you know, but not financially. Money does not make a person. I have dated people of all leagues and circles, I have dated a mayor and a student, never would expect anything financial of either of them.

[Indignant]

No price/cost != no standards.

I expect what Vashti said. I don't think that's unreasonable. I have a lot to offer as well. I would just like to have some experience of the ritual. It's how my parents were, and my dad is super chivalrous, so it's what I'm used to. I don't think that makes me a bad person who expects too much.

Besides, I think expecting nothing from people is the problem with today's society.

it's only reasonable for you to side with Vashti now.

[IndiReloaded]

Besides, I think expecting nothing from people is the problem with today's society.

Again, there are professionals who think that the problem is the exact opposite. Many ppl expect too much and are unreasonable in their expectations.

I would encourage you to think about terms like 'entitlement' and 'personal responsibility' in the context of expectations if you want to arrive at a meaningful life philosophy.

[IndiReloaded]

it's only reasonable for you to side with Vashti now.

This is true. She is agreeing and telling you what you want to hear. You have ignored other posts that are challenging your thinking. Expected, but won't help you much in terms of personal growth.

Good luck.

[p3rson]

Again, there are professionals who think that the problem is the exact opposite. Many ppl expect too much and are unreasonable in their expectations.

I would encourage you to think about terms like 'entitlement' and 'personal responsibility' in the context of expectations if you want to arrive at a meaningful life philosophy.

Believe me, I think about it plenty. But I can't change how I was raised. I never asked for advice on how to change my expectations. I just don't think they're that bad.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

To the OP, I've got nothing against you because it is your decision. I think it's very good that you have self respect for yourself to only give it up to who you love. As for your original post, I just think we are different. I wasnt raised the way you were raised so I dont feel the same way. I understand that if I am invited somewhere that the person should pay, but I personally still like to add in something. It helps me from feeling uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable with a man paying for everything for me because I believe it would get thrown back in my face like "But I did this and that for you". I've actually been called a golddigger by an ex boyfriend in the past...and its super weird cuz I didnt even ask for money. I occasionaly was hungry and asked for somethin to eat, but thats it. I just go based off of personal experiences. But yes as stated before, to each their own. I just have my preference of adding my own two cents.

[Indignant]

Believe me, I think about it plenty. But I can't change how I was raised. I never asked for advice on how to change my expectations. I just don't think they're that bad.

now that is totally absurd! you can't change how you were raised!?! what are you, a puppet? everyone changes according to their environment, beliefs, education. please don't tell me that you'll be stuck with your current expectations for the rest of your life.

[IndiReloaded]

How you are raised only gives you a base. Are you saying you are forever closed to new ideas or ways of doing things b/c you are going to limit yourself to how you are raised?

You are 18, so I understand the mindset. But I would encourage you to stretch your mind a bit in the coming decade. It will help you in many areas, including, but not limited to relationships.

Oh, and something important to consider is the context of where various advice is coming from. Sources of info can be just as interesting as the actual info itself. Do a bit of research.

Just to be clear, tho, I didn't have a problem with your values, only the fact you were dishonest in how you chose to express them in the context of your date.

[p3rson]

This is true. She is agreeing and telling you what you want to hear. You have ignored other posts that are challenging your thinking. Expected, but won't help you much in terms of personal growth.

Good luck.

It's not that I'm ignoring them, it's that they're insulting. Telling me that I am a user because I want him to spend an extra $5 on me a week is not something I'll respond to.

Besides, I wasn't here to discuss expectations. I was here to discuss a potential awkward situation, that's it.

[Indignant]

It's not that I'm ignoring them, it's that they're insulting. Telling me that I am a user because I want him to spend an extra $5 on me a week is not something I'll respond to.

Besides, I wasn't here to discuss expectations. I was here to discuss a potential awkward situation, that's it.

and look how it has evolved.

[p3rson]

now that is totally absurd! you can't change how you were raised!?! what are you, a puppet? everyone changes according to their environment, beliefs, education. please don't tell me that you'll be stuck with your current expectations for the rest of your life.

There's nothing wrong with the way I was raised. I love my father and brother for who they are and the way they treat women. I also love my mother for being strong about what she wants. I'm sorry you've come to expect so little from men.

[Indignant]

There's nothing wrong with the way I was raised. I love my father and brother for who they are and the way they treat women. I also love my mother for being strong about what she wants. I'm sorry you've come to expect so little from men.

where did i ever express how little i expect of men?