Paying for dates

[p3rson]

Alright. Being somewhat of a traditionalist when it comes to dating, I probably made a mistake in dating a self-proclaimed cheap bastard. But I REALLY liked the guy. So I figured, I'll see what happens.

The other night we finally went out to dinner. I suggested happy hour, because it's cheap and I'm really fine with anything as long as he's taking me out. The check was $12. I offered to contribute to the bill (thinking there was no way in hell he was going to let me). He accepted though, much to my chagrin... the evening was nice otherwise.

So I've decided that it's probably a bad idea to offer. Some guys don't know that they're supposed to decline, right?

My question is, how do I deal with this gracefully from now on? Is he going to expect me to go dutch in the future? More importantly, if we're sitting there with the bill and he brings it up (I don't think he will but it's a possibility), what do I say?

I have no idea how to deal with this gracefully.

I could be happy with a $5-$20 dinner once a week. I just need to be taken out sometimes, and I'm very uncomfortable with going dutch. (Also, for some context, he's older and he's a software engineer, probably making a lot of money, and I'm a college student.)

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

When my ex and I would go to dinner for our anniversaries(by the month), we'd split it. He spent more than me majority of the time, but I made sure I pitched in. It's only fair to me that both people pitch in, but that's me. I personally dont like guys paying for my shit, I feel pretty weird and uncomfortable. I like paying for myself and if I can not afford it, I either dont go altogether or am talked into going by the guy.

But back on topic, I used to ask my ex how much does he want me to pitch in and we base it from there. We've never had a fight about money situations, so I'm assuming it was successful.

[Indignant]

OMG, i would always ask a guy to split no matter what his financial status is. i am really ashamed that women think that food is owed to them.

[Indignant]

what kind of an excuse are you giving yourself that he should pay for you?

[p3rson]

Thank you for your input. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

I would also like to get some input from the guys though, to see what the other side would think about the issue.

[Indignant]

Thank you for your input. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

I would also like to get some input from the guys though, to see what the other side would think about the issue.

person, i didn't mean to sound offensive, but really why are you uncomfortable with splitting the bill?

[p3rson]

person, i didn't mean to sound offensive, but really why are you uncomfortable with splitting the bill?

It's not really a matter of entitlement, it's more about tradition and what I've learned to expect. And the fact that he's 8 years older than me and has a job (while my financial aid situation doesn't even allow me to make extra money).

It's not really relevant though. I don't think this will change for me, given how I was raised and my dating history, and for me, it's natural for me to feel like when a guy doesn't offer to pay he doesn't really want to be with me.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Alright. Being somewhat of a traditionalist when it comes to dating, I probably made a mistake in dating a self-proclaimed cheap bastard. But I REALLY liked the guy. So I figured, I'll see what happens.

The other night we finally went out to dinner. I suggested happy hour, because it's cheap and I'm really fine with anything as long as he's taking me out. The check was $12. I offered to contribute to the bill (thinking there was no way in hell he was going to let me). He accepted though, much to my chagrin... the evening was nice otherwise.

So I've decided that it's probably a bad idea to offer. Some guys don't know that they're supposed to decline, right?

My question is, how do I deal with this gracefully from now on? Is he going to expect me to go dutch in the future? More importantly, if we're sitting there with the bill and he brings it up (I don't think he will but it's a possibility), what do I say?

I have no idea how to deal with this gracefully.

I could be happy with a $5-$20 dinner once a week. I just need to be taken out sometimes, and I'm very uncomfortable with going dutch. (Also, for some context, he's older and he's a software engineer, probably making a lot of money, and I'm a college student.)

In bold...are you for real?LOL

The man is not obligated to decline.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

It's not really a matter of entitlement, it's more about tradition and what I've learned to expect. And the fact that he's 8 years older than me and has a job (while my financial aid situation doesn't even allow me to make extra money).

It's not really relevant though. I don't think this will change for me, given how I was raised and my dating history, and for me, it's natural for me to feel like when a guy doesn't offer to pay he doesn't really want to be with me.

With a mindset like that you might think alot of guys dont like you. Whats wrong with splitting the bill?Just cuz he has a higher paying job doesnt mean he should have to pay the whole thing. Even if you add a little bit I mean come on. It doesnt HAVE to be hald and half, but add a little two cents,not literally of course.

[p3rson]

Again, it's how I was raised. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I'm not asking for a whole lot here. I appreciate your input though, I've tried to go that route, and it doesn't quite fit with me.

I was really hoping to hear from the guys though to hear where I should go from here.

[vashti]

I disagree completely with the others. If he asks you out, he is SUPPOSED to pay. He should not invite you to things he can't comfortably afford, and of course, you should reciprocate his kindness by inviting him to do things YOU can comfortably afford. The price of the outing is irrelevant, so long as the paying party can afford to do it comfortably.

I don't know when the younger women decided it was acceptable to invite people places and then ask them to pay. That is just bad manners. I'd tell your "cheap bastard" that he should only invite you to things he doesn't mind paying for. Don't feel bad about it - you should have an accurate idea of what a life with him would be like if you were ever to marry. If that means you'll be eating boxed mac&cheese every night because he's too cheap to do otherwise, wouldn't you want to know in advance?

By all means, though - if you like him, reciprocate to the best of your ability, even if that means you throw together some sandwiches for a picnic.

[p3rson]

I disagree completely with the others. If he asks you out, he is SUPPOSED to pay. He should not invite you to things he can't comfortably afford, and of course, you should reciprocate his kindness by inviting him to do things YOU can comfortably afford. The price of the outing is irrelevant, so long as the paying party can afford to do it comfortably.

I don't know when the younger women decided it was acceptable to invite people places and then ask them to pay. That is just bad manners. I'd tell your "cheap bastard" that he should only invite you to things he doesn't mind paying for. Don't feel bad about it - you should have an accurate idea of what a life with him would be like if you were ever to marry. If that means you'll be eating boxed mac&cheese every night because he's too cheap to do otherwise, wouldn't you want to know in advance?

By all means, though - if you like him, reciprocate to the best of your ability, even if that means you throw together some sandwiches for a picnic.

Hehe, that would be a very comfortable situation for me... very fair. Problem is, I will ALWAYS be the one to suggest dinner

I guess what I'm getting at is that I want to at least try to make this work. I care about the guy tremendously. But some of these pieces are hard to fit together. (Both the tradition thing and the fact that I can't afford crap)

[vashti]

You cannot invite him to dinner and ask him to pay.

If he really wants to spend time with you, he will ask you out. I assume you initiated the last date - don't ask him out again. Let HIM be the boy. he knows you are interested.

[Indignant]

Hehe, that would be a very comfortable situation for me... very fair. Problem is, I will ALWAYS be the one to suggest dinner

I guess what I'm getting at is that I want to at least try to make this work. I care about the guy tremendously. But some of these pieces are hard to fit together. (Both the tradition thing and the fact that I can't afford crap)

maybe he is not interested enough? have you been intimate yet?

[p3rson]

Okay, haha... usually what happens is he asks me to hang out, like go for a bike ride or something, and then dinnertime rolls around and I'm starving and the only way I get to eat is if I ask him to take me somewhere.

I know he likes me for sure. (And no, we haven't been intimate. I'm saving that for later.)