Control and trust issues

[vashti]

Just change your phone number, and the drama will end.

[Bergamot]

Thanks Aradelia, I've been reading a bit around the net now about advice of dealing with malicious calls and stalking and it seems ignoring totally is the advice. I found something I thought stroke a chord and might be useful to someone reading this in a similar situation at bullyoffline.org it says:

"The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful. After that, it's a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them. Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who's emotionally retarded.

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. (I'm going to stick this by my fone and on my mobile!) This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and harassers often have disordered thinking patterns and do not share the same thoughts or values as you. "

That's the thing, I always thought if I just explained it in the right way I'd be able to get through to him - but of course it never worked.

[Bergamot]

Just change your phone number, and the drama will end.

If I wasn't trying to run a business it would be that simple yes but I need to advertise and find new clients and without a phone number that is not going to work and most of my clients come from my website, he knows my website address so could get my new number that easily. I'm not prepared to stop running the business over this.

[Aeradalia]

If I wasn't trying to run a business it would be that simple yes but I need to advertise and find new clients and without a phone number that is not going to work and most of my clients come from my website, he knows my website address so could get my new number that easily. I'm not prepared to stop running the business over this.

Just use a line similar to the one I mentioned... and speak only that to him on the phone...

Better yet.. you hear him talk.. just hang up.

Whatever you do.. just be consistent.