No Second Date Yet ???

[xjadedx]

Met this guy online and we chatted for a while. We are an hour apart, so there isn't much distance between us really.

I met him for first time, two months ago, spent five hours with him and we got along really well. Since then he keeps up contact, regularly and consistently. He talks of coming back to see me, says he can't wait to see me....so why therefore are his actions not matching his words? I mean, it's two months since I last saw this guy. Surely and if he were that into me, he'd want to be with me physically and not just have me around as a 'phone' buddy??

I've brought up the subject and ask often when he's coming back....he keeps saying it will be soon, but he has been saying soon, for two months!!!! He also says that money is a problem, but I'm finding this excuse hard to buy...

[Lite]

Why can't you go see him yourself instead?? Or offer to help pay half?

Apparently you expect him to foot the bill for the privilige of dating you from an hour away.

[xjadedx]

Actually I've offered to pay the full whack for him to come here, which would be only $20. And I've offered to go see him....he says wait until he has his appartment ready...so uhm, what now?

[Indignant]

forget him

[xjadedx]

forget him

He makes that difficult. He constantly calls me, sometimes two and three times a day. If I don't reply, he's texting asking where I am, then I start feeling guilty for ignoring him and I end up picking up.

It would seem he likes me....but his actions are just not matching his words. Someone who is into me, would have arranged something concrete and followed it through by now I feel...he has no excuse.

[Lite]

He makes that difficult. He constantly calls me, sometimes two and three times a day. If I don't reply, he's texting asking where I am, then I start feeling guilty for ignoring him and I end up picking up.

It would seem he likes me....but his actions are just not matching his words. Someone who is into me, would have arranged something concrete and followed it through by now I feel...he has no excuse.

Sounds like you're the woman on the side if you ask me. Tell him that either he starts delivering on his follow through, or you're done with the relationship.

[Indignant]

He makes that difficult. He constantly calls me, sometimes two and three times a day. If I don't reply, he's texting asking where I am, then I start feeling guilty for ignoring him and I end up picking up.

It would seem he likes me....but his actions are just not matching his words. Someone who is into me, would have arranged something concrete and followed it through by now I feel...he has no excuse.

put your foot down. he either sees you or stops torturing you.

[Lite]

See? Even Indignant agrees with me, and we rarely ever agree.

[xjadedx]

Sounds like you're the woman on the side if you ask me. Tell him that either he starts delivering on his follow through, or you're done with the relationship.

As in he could be married or partnered do you mean?
That thought has crossed my mind I must admit...but he swears blind he isn't with anyone.
If I am some woman on the side, he's making every effort to keep me around by way of constantly calling. This guy phones every day, sometimes twice a day and he's on the phone an hour at a time and it's been that way for almost a year...

That is what I find confusing. All these calls....yet no show for two months. Again I mentioned tonight, why it's taking so long...all Im hearing is 'You know the money situation'....

[carl1222]

Met this guy online and we chatted for a while. We are an hour apart, so there isn't much distance between us really.

I met him for first time, two months ago, spent five hours with him and we got along really well. Since then he keeps up contact, regularly and consistently. He talks of coming back to see me, says he can't wait to see me....so why therefore are his actions not matching his words? I mean, it's two months since I last saw this guy. Surely and if he were that into me, he'd want to be with me physically and not just have me around as a 'phone' buddy??

I've brought up the subject and ask often when he's coming back....he keeps saying it will be soon, but he has been saying soon, for two months!!!! He also says that money is a problem, but I'm finding this excuse hard to buy...

Well, maybe he just saw you in person 2 months ago because he had the opportunity to evade his girlfriend/wife without getting caught. When you met him, were you intimate? Do you have phone sex with him now?

I smell a rat! His apartment isn't ready? what the hell does that mean? She's nearby??? Tell him that if you can't see him in the next two weeks at HIS place, you are bailing out. This guy has "player" written all over him.

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

He's holding on to you... but keeping you at a distance... holding you at a distance... right in a very specific spot. With all of these specifics it would seem that he as lot of constraints in his life in which he is meandering you through.

Maybe he is in a committed relationship, or maybe he is just awful with time management... either way, neither of these are qualities you want in a guy. A cheater or a guy with no sense of priorities and time management will do you no good.


You can give him more time if you want... or you can save time and bail out now. This guy is going in circles... and taking you nowhere.

[lesa]

He is playing you and you are allowing it. If a man was really interested in a woman, he would not give the excuses he gave you.

[xjadedx]

Well, maybe he just saw you in person 2 months ago because he had the opportunity to evade his girlfriend/wife without getting caught. When you met him, were you intimate? Do you have phone sex with him now?

I smell a rat! His apartment isn't ready? what the hell does that mean? She's nearby??? Tell him that if you can't see him in the next two weeks at HIS place, you are bailing out. This guy has "player" written all over him.

Carl.

Would a guy play someone for nearly a year though?

He had been wanting to meet me for months, but I'd kept putting it off due to nerves. Soon as I said I was ready to meet him, he was here the very next day. So he was quick in getting here the first time, I'm wondering why not so quick for a second meeting?

Yes we were intimate, but I was comfortable enough with that. I don't think being intimate so soon has anything to do with the fact he aint been back. No, I don't talk sex with him, whatsoever and never have....

He has only had this appartment for a few weeks he said. At the moment and due to lack of money, it is unfurnished...he asked me to wait until he gets it furnished before I go and visit.

[xjadedx]

He's holding on to you... but keeping you at a distance... holding you at a distance... right in a very specific spot. With all of these specifics it would seem that he as lot of constraints in his life in which he is meandering you through.

Maybe he is in a committed relationship, or maybe he is just awful with time management... either way, neither of these are qualities you want in a guy. A cheater or a guy with no sense of priorities and time management will do you no good.


You can give him more time if you want... or you can save time and bail out now. This guy is going in circles... and taking you nowhere.

Exactly, I feel like we are going nowhere and think I'm wasting my time on him. I feel like his 'phone buddy'.

I've mentioned all of this to him and then he will say that he waited and stuck around for months waiting to meet me and I'm being unfair in placing time restrictions on him. To be fair, he did lose his job a few months ago due to there being no more work in his work place...so I do understand that financially and at the minute, he doesn't have money. But like I said, I've actually offered to pay for his trip...so his not being in work is no excuse.

He's talking the talk....but failing to walk the walk.

[starbuck]

He's talking the talk....but failing to walk the walk.

Yep, exactly. You know that if he were into you more, he'd be making more of an effort.

This time you're spending talking to this guy, you could be using to go out there and meet guys who will reciprocate your level of affection. He's wasting your time, honey.

Cut him loose!