reasons to breakup?

[moonriverlove]

My ex has been broken up with me for months. But until now, I am still not sure the reasons. I want to know, seriously, to get better and grow as a person. He just said he can't see me in marriage and felt the connection get weak when he was out of town.

I know maybe many people will say, there maybe no specific reason--he is just not that into you. But what do you think generally speaking make a guy can't see a woman in marriage? Besides, as my EX and I are friends now,do you think it's appropriate for me to shoot him an email ask about the reason and what he really think? (He wasn't very open to this when broke up with me and I guess he didn't want to hurt my feeling.)

What do you guys think?

[Lipp]

Why not do it in person?

I'll never understand why such things have to be done in an e-mail, so much more difficult to judge sincerity and emotions.

[moonriverlove]

The ridiculous thing is he broke up with me when he was out of town for a temp job. Now he has already come back in town but hasn't ever contacted with me to talk in person about the breakup. This is one of the things I am mad of. We haven't see each other ever since he left.

[Indignant]

why bother moon? you and i both know that he is a complete asshole, there's no need to humiliate yourself by having him degrade you even more. you'll be doing yourself a favor by wiping him out of your life and finding new pleasures in it.

[Lite]

I'm guessing he slept w/ someone while he was out of town...

But, that's just me and my paranoid nature.

As for Dig's advice? Show me the hottest woman or man in the world, and I guarantee you that I can find someone that is sick of that person's shit.

The basic crux here is that you may not ever have a clear and honest answer from him about what went wrong, and why. Obviously one wants to be angry and call the other person names (see above) for hurting you, but the truth is he may very well have done you a favor and cut you free to find and develop a better life for yourself.

He pretty much owes you no explanation. He's not required to give you one. Even if you do get one, it will probably be sugar coated enough to sound hollow. It's not you, it's me. Which, is actually quite often true. Maybe he feels you are a good person, but not a good match for him as a wife. He's just done a poor job of communicating why he feels this is true, or it may be an intangible feeling he has based on a general fear of commitment.

In the end, does it really matter? Are you going to let his opinion of why things didn't work color your self esteem and self worth?

[Indignant]

Lite
He pretty much owes you no explanation. He's not required to give you one.

really? so if your SO dumps you tomorrow without an explanation you won't feel like you are owed an explanation?

If I spend years with a partner and then he decides to bail one day without an explanation, he'll be wiped off the face of the earth.

[DatWin]

He does owe you an explanation. He will try to dance around the issue to avoid the discomfort of the situation but you have to be honest with him and let him know that the lack of closure is weighing on your heart. If you two are really friends then he owes you this. But answer me honestly are you really just friends or are you staying close in an attempt to get him back. If that's the case then you are going about it all wrong.

[Gigabitch]

I think he gave you enough of an explanation when he broke up with you. He just wasn't feeling it.

I don't think you should keep trying to be friends with this guy, since you're not over it and he is. There's an unbalance there that makes it difficult for a real friendship to exist.

[Lite]

Lite
He pretty much owes you no explanation. He's not required to give you one.

really? so if your SO dumps you tomorrow without an explanation you won't feel like you are owed an explanation?

If I spend years with a partner and then he decides to bail one day without an explanation, he'll be wiped off the face of the earth.

I've been there Dig. I've been dumped with no reason given beyond, "I don't feel I want to be dating anyone right now." Which really meant she was off ****ing someone else.

I wanted very much to have a reason why. Why I was blamed for problems I didn't create or that didn't exist. Why I was lied to. Why I wasn't good enough for them... On and on. Why, why, why, why, why. In the end I had to fill in the blanks myself.

Just because you feel you are owed something, doesn't mean you are owed it, or that you will get it even if you are owed it. I'm sure if she stopped and worked through it all she'd figure out why quite well on her own. She's just demanding instant gratification, and really she's been given all of the explanation she's likely to ever get.

Oh, and for as violent as us Americans seem to be, you keep saying you'd have people offed or beat up if you felt they wronged you. And that you'd send others to do your own dirty work.

[hoopuk]

No answer he could possibly give you will please you.

[cbs]

Why an explanation is so important? that will change the fact you are NOT together anymore, or you are expecting that explanation in order to change something to get him back?