perception of the girl

[annoyed23]

if you were married (not happily, but were staying for the kids) and you decided to cheat on your wife...what is your perception of the girl you cheated on your wife with (because she knows you are married with children). (a coworker just got back from a business trip and messed around with one of our sales contacts, and I am very dissapointed in them both)

[Lahrell]

The ones that cheat are the ones to blame, not the one that cheats with them imo. Even if they know they got kids/ are married it's still the guy/ girl that cheats not the one they cheat with.

Though I'm not a guy, but I would find the guy a sad idiot myself. If I would place myself in the guy his shoes I'd prolly don't think so much.

[annoyed23]

I have lost all respect for him. And as for my coworker, I am very dissapointed.

[Lahrell]

I have lost all respect for him. And as for my coworker, I am very dissapointed.

Can imagine. If i know someone is taken I walk away, I'm not willing to meddle in anyone's relationship for that matter. It's a matter of respect and not wanting it to happen to yourself as well.

[annoyed23]

I agree with you.

[Indignant]

if you were married (not happily, but were staying for the kids) and you decided to cheat on your wife...what is your perception of the girl you cheated on your wife with (because she knows you are married with children). (a coworker just got back from a business trip and messed around with one of our sales contacts, and I am very dissapointed in them both)

but don't you find it respectful of the guy to make his own life miserable and still stay married for the sake of the children? he could've as easily dumped the family and find a new wife that he would be happy with, but instead he chooses to have fleeting moments with random women, still keeping his family together.

[Lite]

but don't you find it respectful of the guy to make his own life miserable and still stay married for the sake of the children? he could've as easily dumped the family and find a new wife that he would be happy with, but instead he chooses to have fleeting moments with random women, still keeping his family together.

No, actually I don't. That stress carries over into the marriage and ends up ****ing the kids up worse than if you'd just simply gotten a divorce and amicably worked out visitation and parenting strategy. I know plenty of divorced fathers who love their kids very much and spend as much time with them as possible. They work with their ex spouses to present a unified parenting front rather than use the kids as a way to get back at each other.

Just because you think the kids don't know what's going on doesn't mean that your overall stress, anger, depression, and disappointment at your marital situation doesn't bleed over. What if the kid finds out about it, do you want to raise your kid to think it's OK to have someone on the side as long as you love your kids and neglect your spouse?

There's no such thing as staying together for the kids. It's a bullshit excuse to not deal with the hassle of divorce and to save yourself some money. In the meantime it presents a ****ed up family view that the kids get to learn all about.

You don't have to like your ex spouse, or love them. You don't even have to respect them. But you do need to agree on a consistent level of parenting that keeps the kids from being the focus of a power and love struggle.

[Lite]

if you were married (not happily, but were staying for the kids) and you decided to cheat on your wife...what is your perception of the girl you cheated on your wife with (because she knows you are married with children). (a coworker just got back from a business trip and messed around with one of our sales contacts, and I am very dissapointed in them both)

You know, it's very easy to have rather black and white views about cheating until you've done it. Kind of like people who say, "I'd never get a divorce." or "If both people want to work it out any relationship can succeed." Because they haven't come up against irreconcilable differences, or emotional situations in which mentally your brain says "cheat or kill yourself" because you're in so much emotional pain that you've lost all perspective on how to properly deal with things.

There's really no excuse for cheating, no real mitigation for having done it. But the reasons for why a person cheats isn't necessarily as simple as, "He/She couldn't keep their fly buttoned."

I used to think like you, I had a relative that I didn't speak to for years after she cheated. Then later on I found I was the one cheating. It kind of changes your view.

Personally I lose respect for people who "Stay married for the children." Everyone I know who grew up in such a family situation ended up being ****ed up by it. Severely so. It runs the gamut from troubles with fidelity to being physically abused by one or both of the parents in a fit of anger at the other spouse.

Maybe they should consider that the proper answer is to get divorced for the good of the children. Living in a household filled with contention and simmering anger between parents isn't better than living with one parent or the other.

[Indignant]

i guess Lite has never been a single mother raising kids and wouldn't know what he is talking about. once again you are projecting your ideals on a realistic situation.

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't touch a married man with a ten foot pole. Never have, never will. Not just married, either, but entangled in any committed relationship. I don't need the drama and I don't think it's thrilling to take someone else's man. I have too much respect for myself and for commitments in general.

I can understand how someone in a bad relationship can get their head screwed up to the point where they think cheating makes sense. I don't respect it, I don't like it, but I see how that could happen. I don't, however, understand the coworker in this cheating scenario. She's an interloper. She is coming to this relationship from the outside and messing with a married man.

She's like an alien from space to me. I just don't GET that kind of behavior. Also, I want to backhand her homewrecking ass.

[Indignant]

I wouldn't touch a married man with a ten foot pole. Never have, never will. Not just married, either, but entangled in any committed relationship. I don't need the drama and I don't think it's thrilling to take someone else's man. I have too much respect for myself and for commitments in general.


She's like an alien from space to me. I just don't GET that kind of behavior. Also, I want to backhand her homewrecking ass.

in her defense, the relationship is doomed in any case. they might be staying together for the kids or financial sakes. do you guys even know how expensive it is to raise children nowadays? I know you do Giga. would you rather have a man lead a miserable sexless life?

[Gigabitch]

No, I would rather he would man up and leave his wife before he starts messing around with other women. Cheating is just plain wrong.

[Lite]

i guess Lite has never been a single mother raising kids and wouldn't know what he is talking about. once again you are projecting your ideals on a realistic situation.

No, I've just dated plenty of women raised by a single mother, and plenty of women from homes where parents stayed married for the good of the children. But of course, you're assuming that the kids will be with the mother. Perhaps they'd be better of being raised by the father.

Of course being a single parent is difficult, but the kids raised by the single mother have been far more well adjusted for dealing with life than the ones whose parents stayed married "for the kids".

Are you a single mother? Oh right, that's a no. Once again you're accusing me of projecting my ideals on a realistic situation, but you're not? Sorry Pot, this is Kettle calling you black.

[Illusional]

basically the past is the past, you can't change it, so why bother with it?

raverboy

[Indignant]

No, I've just dated plenty of women raised by a single mother, and plenty of women from homes where parents stayed married for the good of the children. But of course, you're assuming that the kids will be with the mother. Perhaps they'd be better of being raised by the father.

Of course being a single parent is difficult, but the kids raised by the single mother have been far more well adjusted for dealing with life than the ones whose parents stayed married "for the kids".

Are you a single mother? Oh right, that's a no. Once again you're accusing me of projecting my ideals on a realistic situation, but you're not? Sorry Pot, this is Kettle calling you black.

why don't you try talking to single moms out there and find out how hard it is financially and emotionally for them, and then we'll continue this conversation.