HELP>>>I need advice....

[BRuminski]

Ok..so i dont know where to begin, but i think i will start from the beginning...My Boyfriend Brandon and I started dating 3 years ago..we are both 20 now..we went to school together and were best friends through out school..Our relationship was very rocky i was very guarded becasue i had demons in my closet. However we made it work..He was very patient with me and very supportive..During the relationship I wasnt the best girfriend at most times i was very harsh, i would put him down, i would make him feel like he was in the way, i was demanding, selfish, cruel..many things..but he stuck through it ( his reason was he knew that sonner or later i would realize it, he said he had hope and that he loved me more than anything)..But we did have Many great times together..See brandon has tourettes, depression, adhd, and sleeping problems...I was very dedicated to him..I would stay up till 2 in the morning talking him to sleep even though i had to get up at 5:30 to get ready for school. I would get up and take him soccer practice in the summer at 5 in the morning because his was having a trouble time with his touretts.I would rub his muscles when he was sore, i always made sure that he had everything and never forgot anything because he has a hard time remembering things..um last year i stayed up till 3 in the morning helping him with a painting that was due at 8 in the morning the next day for one of his college classes.i mean i did alot..then everything started to get bad about 6 months ago. It was around october that i started hanging out with girls from work...and yes i did include him in everything..around that time i got alot of money like 4000..and i spent it all within 2 months..on myself and my new friends.i wanted so badly for them to accept me that i pushed brandon away, but he held on because he knew it was a phase and he knew that i loved him..um then in november we talked and decided to take a break..however he really didnt let go ( and i am glad he didnt).then in december one of my demons came out of the closet. I went into debt major. i didnt know what to do so i turned to brandon.he held my hand and stood by my side when i went to talk to my parents. That night that we went to talk to my parents my friends stopped calling, and texting. they started to hang out with brandon..they were always over at his place they would sleep over i mean they never left.and i was ok with that to some extent...It was agreed that i go to and talk to someone and work on my problems and i am..I have realized and have owned up to everything that i have done to hurt him. I realzied that i am so in love with him and would do anything for him..then about 3 weeks ago brandon said he wanted to breakup, i talked him into just taking a break and he said ok. then Tuesday january 27 i went to his house at 3:00 and i told him we needed to talk because his friends who were my friends at a time were sending me messages on myspace telling me to give up and that he doesnt love me anymore and he will never love me..that bothered me and i wanted to make sure that he wanst listening or talking to them about us..however he had someone over that day so i told him well asked if we could talk later and he said yes. i said i just have a couple of questions though and he was like what are they.. I asked him if he was still attracted to me because half of a relationship is due to attraction: his reply was "brittney you are the most beautiful woman i have ever met, of course i am attracted to you." then i asked if he could tell me something about me that he couldnt see in another girl is reply was: brittney you are so different and unique. then at 8 that night i texted him asking if we could talk and that it would only take 10 minutes he said y, i said because we need to, so i went to his moms house where he was at and we hashed it out and his mom mediated she is a therapist. See back in october brandon bought he an engagement ring even though i already had one we got a a bigger one, and i pushed for it but he made the choice to do it, then in august i had a miscarriage it was a planned pregnancy. and he told me well we will just try again. I mean a part of me used him for money because for me money is a demon its a drug i put an importance on it more than i should of, but my mom also has a money problem so i get it from her..I have told him i was sorry for everything in detail and he said he believed me and is proud that im making a change..i just dont get how he went from 3 weeks ago telling me i was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with..to telling me he wants nothing to do with me...

Brandon is a very sweet and sensitive guy i mean he has the purest soul anyone would ever meet..He is so different..He plays video games 24/7 and he collects them (and i encourage it, i love to watch him play, and i dont mind.) He doesnt like to do much he hates going places,( I am ok with that too, becuase not only does he go to school and work but he is truly tired at the end of the day because he fights his body all day.) He once told me that he didnt want kids becuase of the conditions that they will get.. it doesnt matter to me if my kids arent "normal." i mean will it be tought yeah it will but it shouldnt matter..he now sees that..

I just dont know what to do. I love him soo much and i want him back soooo bad..i messed up alot and im working on myself because i know it will make me a better person. Please help me..I just want him back we had something very special, i know he is the one casue i can feel it..How do i get him back

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

ROTFL ROTFL!!!

Sorry, but right now I can not read the whole thing. I just cant seem to get past the "demons in my closet" line lmao.

I'll be back, I promise.

[BRuminski]

Thanks if you could im just so lost and i know its long...Im sorry i just needed to get it out so everyone knew the whole story and not just the little bit..

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

So you are saying he wants nothing to do with you, but he didnt say it. His "friends" did. Did you tell him about that? I think it was very disrespectful of his so called friends to do such a thing because if he feels that way it should come from his mouth and not theirs. Plus, they were just trying to be cyber bullies cuz they didnt even have the balls to say it to your face, so they sent you a message on myspace.

IMO, you should tell him about what his friends had sent, and see his reaction. I'm not really sure what to think about the situation cuz Im kinda confused by it all.

[BRuminski]

ok...well he said he doesnt want to see me, he told me this tuesday when we had the blow out.. he doesnt want to talk to him..i mean i understand casue he is angry, i mean ive been pushy casue we never went to bed mad at each other i always made sure we resolved everything and this is something i cant resovle and it bothers me..so i was pushy about it.yes i did tell him..he said that im not to believe anything that they are saying that i should delete them from my myspace page and if i dont then if they send me messages not to read them. he said he cant control what they do. however i dont want to make tension between his friends and myself. well i mean any more tension casue i want him back i love him.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Ok so HE said he doesnt want to see you, k got ya.

Well, if he does not want it, you can not force it onto him. Give him some time to himself, which is probably what he needs. Do not initiate anymore contact with him, if anything let him do it himself. It will be hard of course, but you have to fight the temptation.

[BRuminski]

i mean he just told me tuesday that he doesnt want to see me or talk to me, but it was also the same day that he told me he was still attracted to me and i was the most beatiful woman he has ever met. i know and i am it is soo hard, and i mean i am getting help to deal with my past and the issues that are there..I do love him and he does believe me that I am truly sorry for everything, i mean he told me he was proud that i swallowed my pride and am getting help..it just hurts casue like i said 3 weeks ago or so he told me i was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, i mean yea we are really young, but we both had to grow up at an early age we have old souls i guess.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I still think time apart is needed here. I feel if he doesnt feel it is necessary to contact you then his feelings are fading. I'm not saying he has stopped loving you, but he may feel the need to move on with his life. Idk what you have done to tell you exactly what I truly think he would do, but from the info I got, this is my outlook.

[BRuminski]

i know its time and space he needs, and the funny thing is, was i asked if there was someone else and he said no..I made the comment that he was every girls dream guy but i was at the front of the line...he responded back that i was the only one in the line and this was like 2, 2 1/2 weeks ago. i mean he doesnt even try with other girls and if he does all the girls view him as just a friend..but he really doesnt even try.

[Lite]

I'm thinking he's either sleeping w/ one of them, they're manipulating him, or he's just fed up w/ your crap.

It's interesting that both you and your mother are bad with money, but she's a counselor. You'd think she'd be better at making life choices and coaching you to do the same.

[BRuminski]

no first of all his mom is a therapist..second i know for a fact that he is not sleeping with one of them hes not that way..lol.but i do think he is hurt by my actions and i told him how sorry i was in detail about everything and he believes me he said that he is proud of me for being able to realize my mistakes and learn and get help to change my ways. i mean i asked him why he stayed with me as long as he has and he said he had hope that i would realize what i was doing he said that he knew it would take me time but he wasnt going to let go cause i was dealing with some major things..Plus he said he loved me and that you dont leave someone because of their problems you help them through it..