A very complicated situation

[iloveyouboth]

I'm currently with a girl I really like (and yes she likes me too), and basically the problem is that she's afraid of being with me due to a "superstition". she feels that if she starts getting a little obsessed with me (i.e. think of me a lot, which of course theres nothing bad about that) that this will ruin her future. and she's afraid of this, beacuse she says that she has a tendency to focus on the relationship at one point. i really want to help her out as much as i can in order for her to not do that and keep a stable life..i want her to focus on school too.
i told her that we can still be together, and she said that if she starts seeing signs of obsession, then it might end...
is it a more rational idea to just take it slow (which will be hard to do since i visit her once a month; we're in an LDR) and then when she's ready, go at it with full force? i'm willing to wait until she finishes her undergrad (i'm a 3rd year, she's a 2nd year)

i know an LDR takes lots of effort, and it'll be hard to not think about your partner after a while, especially if you're spending lots of time with them when you're physically visiting there, and after you depart, you leave a trail of memories..

[annoyed23]

This is a problem on her part if she cant separate her personal life from the other aspects of her life. for example...if shes at work constantly thinking about you, her productivity goes down etc. this is totally on her. its up to you if you feel like its worth waiting it out to see if and when she will ever decide its okay to go full force. if you are willing to wait until she is done with school, let her know that...but then dont let yourself get sucked in to wait any longer if nothing happens after that time period has elapsed. she sounds like the kind of person to want everything perfect before she does something...thats never going to happen.

[iloveyouboth]

it's not that she wants things perfect, it's the fact that she believes in this belief of hers. she was given advice from her parents to not have a relationship until grad school. then later the parents tell her not to be involved due to a belief that, if she does, then her academic future might be negatively affected.
i mean, is there a way for me to convince her that that can't happen? i just want to tell her that everybody deals with the same thing like us, and they turn out fine.

[annoyed23]

It sounds to me like shes still very dependent on her parents, and has not yet formed her own opinions. She needs to let go of mommy and daddys hand and live life for herself. Ask her whats more important to her…her happiness, or her parents happiness?

[iloveyouboth]

yeah, i already figured out that part.. lol. i told her that she needs to think for herself. the early part of our "argument," she didn't want to disappoint her parents, and she actually started a little tear. i didn't want her to lie to her parents about us, but at the same time i wanted her to keep the relationship. i told her that what if she misses out on a great relationship?
well, all it boiled down to was her superstition. and even though i don't want to criticize her parents for this superstition, i am kind of skeptical about it now. perhaps they just want to separate us instead of this little "belief" lol. but i just have my reasons that i think that way.