Money in relationship

[sparkster]

It's common for a guy to pay for a girl when they are going to cinema or cafe. There is no guarantee if you pay she would yours. So you have a risk to spend money and get nothing. When you have a lot of dates, you might spend a large amount of money. But if you are not spend money on girls they have less interes to you.
Why?

[vashti]

If you invite a girl out, you are expected to pay because that is simply good manners. If you are spending more than you can comfortably afford, that is not really HER fault, is it? I suggest you keep dates inexpensive until you have determined there is a future. Coffee dates are a good start. If you like her, you can ask her to meet you for lunch somewhere (cheaper than dinner). If she is still interested by the time a third date rolls around, many girls will offer to treat. Also, a lot of younger girls insist on paying half, although I don't know why. I prefer to reciprocate.

[Lahrell]

If I'm invited I always bring my own money, I don't expect the guy to pay for me at all. I pay my own stuff, I think it's called "going Dutch" or something .

[Mish]

It's common for a guy to pay for a girl when they are going to cinema or cafe. There is no guarantee if you pay she would yours. So you have a risk to spend money and get nothing. When you have a lot of dates, you might spend a large amount of money. But if you are not spend money on girls they have less interes to you.
Why?

It's an anomaly in our culture stuck somewhere between traditional and non traditional culture shift. Just look at it as a way to avoid complications in the early stages of relationship, it's better to pay for them now then later argue about it. If dating is becoming too expensive for you, then best advice is to stop dating and save up.

[IndiReloaded]

Regardless of who asks whom on a date, a well-bred person will at least offer to pay for their portion.

Generally, a young man with good manners will refuse the girl's offer to do so b/c it is considered 'gentlemanly'. But some men will allow a girl to pay b/c it is considered bad to refuse a person's offer.

The best scenario is where you, the young man, asks a girl out on an inexpensive date. Coffee or some such. You pay for the girl. When she offers you her share, suggest she 'get the next one' or 'dessert at another location'. This way, you get to extend the date or meeting and you both get to feel as if you contributed.

The idea of a man always paying for a woman is outdated and assumptive. Its a throwback to the days when women didn't work and didn't have their own income. There are still some women like this around, but they tend to be old-fashioned and make assumptions about male-female interactions that you may, or may not, want to deal with.

See this thread for more debate on this topic:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/415049-post157.html[/url]

[Only-virgins]

I don't mind paying for the date that I asked.

[Mish]

The idea of a man always paying for a woman is outdated and assumptive. Its a throwback to the days when women didn't work and didn't have their own income. There are still some women like this around, but they tend to be old-fashioned and make assumptions about male-female interactions that you may, or may not, want to deal with.

So very true. It's funny how for an outdated and assumptive ritual this thing can still cause many problems. I've noticed some girls I've dated developed a complex similar to "I can't allow him to pay for me because I want to show him I'm independent and I don't need anyone's money and it's really an insult if he pays for me, but if he doesn't pay for me he's not a real gentleman and he doesn't really care about me as much as he says he does". There's really nothing you can say to someone who thinks like that.

[IndiReloaded]

Mish, I want you to know I will pay for your lunch.

[Mish]

Mish, I want you to know I will pay for your lunch.

As long as you don't remind me at a consistent rate that I was really selfish and rude for not paying for my lunch half a year later

[IndiReloaded]

Of course I wouldn't. Besides, its not like its a date. More like an older relative paying for a favourite cousin.

Which reminds me: of course its fine if the person paying is an older relative, mentor, or boss. Those situations are different, and we don't expect our staff or students to pay for an outing. In those cases 'pay it forward' would apply (meaning you get to do the same when you are in the senior position).

[Mish]

In those cases 'pay it forward' would apply (meaning you get to do the same when you are in the senior position).

Sometimes I feel like I'm paying it forward already

[Indignant]

it's tough being a guy. you are always expected to cash out for everything when it comes to courting women.

[Lite]

it's tough being a guy. you are always expected to cash out for everything when it comes to courting women.

Not really, if that's what is expected of you by the woman you could merely look at it as a more involved version of paying for a whore.

[Indignant]

Not really, if that's what is expected of you by the woman you could merely look at it as a more involved version of paying for a whore.

but seriously, guys have to go through their whole life with those expectations, no matter of their financial status. my friend lost his job recently, and the girl that he is seeing now still expects him to pay. for example this weekend she asked him to take her to Palm Springs or Santa Barbara, cuz she is bored of LA. now i've known him for 13 years, he has always been a gentleman and covered all of the expenses on dates. I can only count the thousands that were spent on females.

[ecojeanne]

it's tougher being a woman imo, we have to deal with unwanted leering and less pay overall, we are weaker in strength and therefore have to be on alert from unwanted attention. i think men have it a lot easier. and then they get to pay less nowadays for the date, even tho the women spent more money and effort looking good coz womens clothes of same quality are more expensive generally. men generally have better jobs and get paid more than women around the world. why should men expect anything in return for the date?

because men are thinking like this that they are owed or deserve something in return i would always pay 50/50. some men just don't appreciate how easy they have it.