Long Distance Drama

[MrMalcolm]

Hello everyone, my name's Malcolm (Obviously by my username) and I have a little bit of a problem. So, let me start from the beginning, me and my tentative girlfriend met about 8 months ago, we talked a lot and were good friends for three until eventually it just became more than that, and we started dating. In the beginning we could not get enough of each other, for the first three months or so no matter what we were doing (this is all over the internet by the way) we would be with each other, so I mean like video games, or watching youtube, we would always be talking over the phone while we did stuff with each other. During this time fights would break out seldom, and when they did they were quickly resolved the next day and things went back to normal, but a thing that is different with me and her is that after a fight, I really want to resolve things and make sure everything is 100%, but she usually doesn't want to talk about it after a fight, and just be there with me and talk to me, which makes me feel better for the time being but the problem still remains. So, we went on like this, not talking after most fights and things just started to build up more and more and more, until eventually we were fighting weekly, semi-making up the next day. But about five weeks ago she just told me that she didn't want to fight so much anymore, and she broke it off, but that she still wanted to say "I love you" and she would still remain monogamous with me, so we were basically still in a relationship, she just didn't want to call it that (personally I thought it was just because of her pride). So this stayed the same for a while, and we didn't fight because I was gone on vacation for a week and a half, we just talked via text mostly, still saying I love you and still, well, in love. After that I came back and she just didn't treat me the same way, so I realized that she really did break it off, but I had no idea what to do, and she still loved me, so I assumed we'd just make up and get back to what it used to be, but things have just been getting worse, and now she's to the point where she really just doesn't seem like she wants to talk to me about anything serious, she still says I love you, and I still feel like she means it, but now she's doing things, hurtful things, like this week she stopped talking to me for a few days then acted like nothing happened (which is weird because we do literally talk every day, keeping in contact via text or phone all the time) and I just was wondering what to do, I know she still loves me, and I think our problem is we just need to resolve things that never got resolved, but I don't know how to approach her, anyways, thanks for taking the time to read this even if you don't have an answer for me!

[lesa]

What do you argue about?
Have you met?
How old are you two?
What are you trying to resolve?
What is the future of this relationship?

[ransom_nite]

Have you guys seen each other before?

Look, it's quite obvious she isn't interested in you, sorry to put it bluntly.

Pick yourself up and carry on with life and look forward to many other relationships, try not to gear towards LDR's, you sound quite young, so don't let this girl trouble you too much.

[MrMalcolm]

Well it's been pretty complicated for us to meet, she lives pretty far away, and yes, I'm 17, she's 20, so we were going to try to move closer to one another once I turned 18 (or sooner, whenever she's ready to leave her state and move, she has a steady job right now though and doesn't want to leave it just yet) and we normally argue about little things, she's really sensitive with this subject, anything that could be hurtful to the relationship she always reacted really dramatically to, and still does, so it's obvious she still cares about us, to me, we've both been going through a rough time lately (in our separate lives, she's been depressed, and hadn't told me until pretty recently, so that caused a lot of drama because she usually started talking to me all agitated, and I thought it was me, so I asked her if it was me, which made her more upset, and so on. Then in MY life, I have been helping my sister through depression and drug addiction, and my brother in law (from a DIFFERENT sister) got cancer, and died less than a week ago) The problem has been she won't let me help, and every time I try to, she gets more angry, and like I said before, we never talk after a fight, we just go on talking to each other like nothing happened, which I know now is completely idiotic, and I plan to change that, and thank you for your input ransom, but she says she still loves me, and I trust her, and I don't want to give up on this unless I'm certain, but I'm prepared to.

[MrMalcolm]

Oh, forgot to mention, no, we haven't met, but we have talked over webcam, which is obviously a little different from face to face but not a ton, if that makes a difference hah.

[Gigabitch]

I have to warn you, Malcolm, that it's a very rare 20 year old girl that will take a 17 year old seriously.

[Lite]

I have to warn you, Malcolm, that it's a very rare 20 year old girl that will take a 17 year old seriously.

And if she does, she probably has some serious issues.

[MrMalcolm]

Yeah that's been a bit of an obstacle for her, but I've never really been at home with people my age, usually am around people around her age hah, we've gotten over the age gap issue, at least she says she has.

[lesa]

Your job in a relationship is not to rescue her. She may not be ready for a healthy relationship and it's not healthy for you to desire a broken one.

Support her but the relationship should be mostly about love and fun, especially at this stage.